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You Are the One You Are Waiting For – Turn to Yourself

August 27, 2010 by GG

Another splendid article from DailyOm.com ~

The outer world serves as a mirror and our inner world has a magnetic force that draws to us what we need to evolve.

We spend a lot of our lives looking for role models, mentors, teachers, and gurus to guide us on our path. There is nothing wrong with this and, in fact, finding the right person at the right time can really help. However, it is important to realize that in the absence of such a figure, we can very safely rely upon ourselves. We carry within us everything we need to know to make progress on our paths to self-realization. The outer world serves as a mirror. Or to use another metaphor, our inner world has a magnetic force that draws to us what we need to evolve to the next level. All we need to do to see that we already have everything we need is to let go of our belief that we need to seek in order to find.

The path of the spirit is often defined as a journey with a goal such as the fabled pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. In this metaphor, a person begins a search for something they want but do not have and then they find it, and there is a happy ending. However, most of us know that getting what we want only makes us happy for a moment, and then the happiness passes until a new object of desire presents itself. Joy is a permanent aspect of our inner selves and is not separate from us at any point. We do not have to travel to find it or imagine that it resides only in the body of another. In fact, what the best teachers will do is point out that this very precious elixir is something we already possess.

So when we find ourselves on our path, not knowing which way to turn and wishing for guidance, we can turn to ourselves. We may not know the right answer rationally or intellectually, but if we simply ask, let go, and wait patiently, an answer will come. The more we practice this and trust this process, the less we will look outside ourselves for teachers and guides for we will have successfully become our own.

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Making Sense of it All

August 26, 2010 by GG

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up.

- Anne Lamott

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Where it Begins, is Where it Ends

August 25, 2010 by GG

I received a text message from a friend I have not connected with for years who shared that she was abused. Since I do not know her well (although we were from the same class during our younger days), it was as good as sharing with a stranger; and I guess the space between us would have provided her a safety net to pour out her feelings.

It involved somewhat of a physical abuse. When I asked her how she was feeling, she began describing to me her physical discomfort of being beaten, rather than the emotional trauma that she was going through. Though the difference in intensity of her story, I could somehow relate to her emotionally.

What is the difference between a physical abuse and an emotional abuse? In truth, none; except that in physical manifestation, we feel the discomfort of being treated harshly realistically. In my own perception, I see it as a point where a physical manifestation is called upon – it is truly time to wake up to the inner issues that one has not looked at. In an emotional abuse, it is easy to brush it aside in the mind you see. But with physical abuse, a life or rather, a body which we value so much, is at stake and usually calls one for protection when the thought of being beaten to death is concerned.

Not that I condone such acts. Any act of emotional or physical abuse is not pleasant; whether we are the abuser, or the abused. Both do not experience pleasure in this; or perhaps to rightfully put it, the pleasure and ‘release’ is short-term which usually results in shame, guilt, anger, hatred adding on another ten thousand folds from what was being felt at the initial stage before the incident.

She said that it was a ‘family’ problem. I saw it as no problem. No problem because as long as she is willing to address what she is stubbornly not willing to look upon, within; what needs to be address magnifies. I remember one of my earlier teachers telling me this, ‘When you don’t learn your lesson, the Universe will throw you a bigger lesson. When you still don’t learn your lesson, the Universe will throw you an even bigger lesson, until you learn.’ It sounds to me as if there is no way out here. If I want a happy dream, I will have to work with me.

It is mind blowing to someone to tell him or her that the fault lies not in the abuser, or even the person who had tricked the abuser into abusing him or her. And the fault doesn’t also lay in the abused. Now that takes blame and judgment out of the equation. Although it is very much against the norm of the society as we have been taught well that there is surely a source to where the trigger is provoked or unleashed; the source is not out there, and it has never ever been. The source is within each of us. Where it begins, is where it ends – in the mind.

There are qualities needed to permit such an idea, a new idea to run the mind – which opposes much disturbing ideas which are seemingly ‘ruining’ our lives. It is a choice, as always – when you are at a crossroad; to choose between Truth and fabrications. But then again, how could fabrications ever replace Truth? It cannot, and yet, most of us choose to continuously dive blindly into the illusion of lies even when deep down inside, we know that anything and everything is more than what meets the eyes.

Who would you be with your story? Byron Katie asks the simply questions. Not that there is nothing or no one to address outside; but the person or thing that we need to address most at the very start to the very end, is what is within me. It starts with the willingness to take responsibility, and then integrity, and then, lots and lots of forgiveness; and here I mean – not to pardon others or ourselves, but simply the forgiveness of perceptions.

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Miracle

August 24, 2010 by GG

The Miraculous

If something is continuous, it is not miraculous. Miraculous events are not continuous with what happened before them. They represent a shift of energy, a movement out of past perception, past limitation. They are unpredictable, unexpected and in many cases inscrutable. You call them miracles because God’s hand is in them. But without your permission, they could not take place.

- Paul Ferrini

Miracle, is a shift of perception - A Course of Miracles

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The word ‘Love’ is just not enough

August 20, 2010 by GG

Is the word ‘Love’ enough to fully express what is being felt in the heart?

The bursting of emotions – I can’t even say that they can be defined.

It feels similar to joy, yet it is not exactly it;
It feels as if it is ecstasy, yet it is not accurately it;
It feels very much like passion, yet it is unerringly far from it.

What it is but a myriad of emotions which we can only conceptualize closest to what we know and understand of the word, ‘Love’.

Yet, when I begin to say, ‘I love you dearly’,
could you truly understand what I mean?
or even come close to imagining what it is like?
 
If I could come closer to you, and you could come closer to me,
and would we amalgamate and become One,
Then there will be surety, that you would then experience what I am feeling;
where words will only demean what it truthfully is,
where to speak, or even attempt an explanation,
will destroy the essence of what is being felt;
 
A state where there is no separation,
A state where there is no other,
A space which is not even a space,
but an open arena; unbounded, limitless;
Where its expansiveness is nothingness,
And yet in that nothingness, is everything…

The word ‘Love’ is just not enough to express what is being felt in the heart…

Instead of reading what I have to write, or
Listening to what I say;
why not,
Just close your eyes and feel…

I am there…

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Of Zombies, Barbies & Kens

August 19, 2010 by GG

The other day I was inspired to write an entry on Zombies. But today, having sung the song ‘Zombie’ and ‘The Barbie Girl’ at karaoke, I felt that they were of no difference, except that Barbies and Kens were much prettier images to look at, compared to Zombies.

Zombies, Barbies & Kens – what are their similarities? They are all perceived as motionless objects which is either moved by something evil to eat your brains (Zombies) or moved by an outer object (us, or the children) to display an imaginary storyline in the mind – Barbie, the fashionable and trendy icon with pretty face and perfect body shape meets Ken, the handsome man who takes Barbie out on a date where they fall in love at first sight.

That is right – just motionless objects. The Zombies seem to be moving on their own, as if programmed, and Barbies and Kens are, as mentioned above, moved by outer objects. Imagine that Barbies and Kens can be programmed like a doll, or like the Robo-Dog – then they will be moving around just like us. No diff. I received the insight that we are in fact like Barbies and Kens, except that we have been moved by an invisible ‘object’, and not aware of it.

So let’s take Zombies out of the picture, since they are pretty gruesome sights to look at (solely judgment). Barbies and Kens are made of plastic, and we are of flesh and blood – is there any difference? Except for the difference in material and the appearances (Barbies and Kens generally look quite alike while we are each unique in our features and combinations), there is still no distinction; for we are all like zombies (oops!), executed by programmes. Barbies’ and Kens’ movements are executed by our seen hands, because we can see ourselves controlling them; but imagine that they could talk in their own dimension, but not able to see us – they would probably think that they are moving, they are talking, they are whatever. And we are probably the same, except that we don’t see the strings attached to us or the inner control authority that is directing each of our every movement.

The beautiful and important thing to distinguish here is not how different or similar we are (with the dolls, I mean) but is to recognize that we are constantly being run by programmes – ideas, so to speak. Ideas and beliefs in the mind are exactly the programmes that we are constantly condoning ourselves to without question – yes, like a robot, like a zombie (oops, again!). Our responses and reactions to people and situations are always in consistent with the ideas that we have. For example, if you had an idea that you don’t like people not brushing their teeth or have bad breath, it is natural for you to shun them off or strike their names off your nice and hygienic people list. I could go on… but I guess the number of pages on this entry would be equivalent to, if not more than a dictionary!

To get out of the Barbie, Ken or Zombie (oops!) mode, is to commence self-inquiry. I cannot even begin to elaborate the weight of it. And, it is also very important to ask the Right question that leads us back to the source, rather than asking aimlessly and unwisely like a headless chicken. Often, the mind is tricky in deceiving us that we have arrived at the source, but very soon we will know for sure if it is true understanding that we have arrived at, or merely an imitation version of comprehension when the next time a similar situation arises. If we are still triggered, then it is vital to further inquire wisely; however, it is likely that another layer of the onion has been peeled.

It is never too late to embark on such journey, or to move out of such modes if we are become ‘alive’ again. The best part of being in the mode for too long is that when it is time to resurrect, availability of materials, teachers and guides are already flooding although it is essential to move with one teaching, or one teacher at one time to which we resonate most with our common sense. There is no right or wrong here except in the idea of comparison – which is better, mine or yours? See how we are being ‘controlled’ again?

And there is no perfect timing that another could put one on too. It is entirely on one’s own timing, as long as you are aware that you are dead, and wish to become alive again.

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Self-Sufficiency

August 16, 2010 by GG

If your joy is derived from what society thinks of you, you’re always going to be disappointed.

- Madonna

This explains why, being self-sufficient is so important. When we are constantly relying on some outer reality to fulfil us, we are then continuously depending our happiness, or rather our state of being to externality of which is in truth, beyond our control.

Many people don’t believe in self-sufficiency, or rather are misled to think that they are self-sufficient when all is well and good. But when the tables turn around, they are quick to be effected by an outer reality which is entirely none of their business and is swift to point the finger at someone, something or some situation that has resulted in their state of miserableness.

Self-sufficiency is to mean that no outer reality quivers what is inside of us. At any moment in time, the stillness within remains, unshaken. What can be shuddered, is only to be reclaimed. With the attempt of Truth, only Love is what reveals.

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Creation in Every Now

August 12, 2010 by GG

I shared with my partner the other day, that we are not afraid of how weak or useless we are; instead, we are very, very afraid of how powerful we actually are – which is the very reason why we keep ourselves locked up in a victim prison, not willing to rise up to our own greatness or freedom.

So, it is easy to forget. Sometimes I wonder, if it is an intention to forget. Even when one decides to play the game after already knowing the truth, he will have the tendency to forget that it is all a game – that the world is indeed just a playground.

I was watching the movie ‘Nine’ yesterday (finally!), and there was one excerpt which I particularly liked. It was sung, “Imagination, is God’s garden”. And that is exactly what is required of us – to imagine, and to experience. Our imagination, is how and what we create in our experiences. As the saying goes, ‘What you reap, is what you sow’. Of course, we tend to forget that, and think that it is just our ‘imagination’, some ‘fantasy’ space where we go to and come back, that it’s not ‘real’. But let’s take a step back and recall, have there been no moments, where what we experienced was more or less exactly how we had imagined it to be? And let’s ponder a little here, if we had remembered how we had imagine it to be, then we might not have been so thrilled (due to the expectation or know-it’d-be-coming factor); but if we had forgotten how we had it imagined it (which may actually be an unconscious act of surrendering and letting go), we are usually in for a big surprise! No?

The other day, while I listened to my partner’s story of possible watchdogs and dropouts in the project he anticipates to take over, I was amazed at how he viewed his future experience of having smooth progression in the project being dependent on others, who merely served as his mirrors. There was much light heartedness listening to him. He had forgotten that he was creating all that he was experiencing and all that he was about to experience although during the midst of the conversation, he did mention, “well, I guess I could create…”

The thing is, at every moment in time, we are all already creating our experiences. Each thought believed, each word spoken, each belief generated. At this moment Now, what you think and believe thoroughly is what you have created Now and this programme runs until you will it to change.

So there is generally two types of creation – one that is conscious, where we are mindfully aware of the programmes that are running in the mind; or one that is unconscious, what the mind picks up with or without our conscious permission, because we are unaware. Thus the importance of taking care of our mind, to guard the mind so per se. To think I can create something in the future in future is to be in a delusion, missing what is in the Now. To stay present in the Now, and be mindful of what has arisen, I am already set in creating my future. We are indeed, the creators of our own experiences whether in a conscious or unconscious state.

The past is gone. I can’t even say that it existed. But when I am still affected by something of the past, Now; the past has not left me and hence become my Now. The future is also not here, and I can’t say that it will ever come at all because by the time it arrives, it is then my Now. So all I have is Now. By being in the Now, I have created my future. Now is here, at this point – what is it that you want, Now?

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Mirror, mirror on the wall…

August 11, 2010 by GG

Looking at my partner’s drive to soar in his career, I have great appreciation and admiration for him. Although there are times, I wished that he was present to me, but when I become fully present to him instead, I find him a very interest subject to converse with, and also, I’d find myself there too – the one side of me so immersed in my function to perform, to work that no one or nothing else mattered, except my job. For that, I am grateful that he has shown me that part of me which I did not realize then but now recognize and accept with love.

If I have come to recognize and accept that part of me, there is no way I would not understand my partner as he served to be my mirror. Whatever thoughts, judgments or perceptions that may arise such as “he doesn’t love me”, “he should look at me”, “he has worked so vigorously for the past few days, why can’t he spend time with me?” all poof into thin air as I recall those moments where I was exactly there, now mirrored in his shoes. If I choose to condemn him, then I would have condemned myself for behaving that way; but if I am choose to love and appreciate him, then what I give out, i.e. the love and appreciation that I have for him, is what I have given onto myself in return.

His recent work trip had allowed me to work with my feelings of insecurity. What I thought had been a long gone idea, was visiting me like an old friend as if I had not yet learned enough. As I stepped back to watch the insecurity that arose, I saw that the mind was finding many ways to justify why insecurity should not surface – and that itself, was a judgment to insecurity – allowing me to come a step closer to realize that I had viewed insecurity as bad.

Since I already knew for a fact that the feelings of insecurity was my own to claim, and here I mean to say that it has nothing to do with my partner, I decided to learn from what has arisen, rather than condemning it or trying to sweep it under the carpet. It was within a matter of hours where I realized my feelings of insecurity, which was born from the fear of being betrayed was reflected back to my own ideas of being away from the family. To be authentically honest, I have a fear of betraying my own family. As I imagined myself being the one away from the family for a long period of time, I could see myself living my own life, leaving my family out of the equation – i.e., not needing any one of them (but it doesn’t mean that they are forgotten or any less loved, mind you!). You know how the world works at times – out of sight, out of mind. That was exactly the idea that was reflected back to me. No wonder I was afraid that my partner will betray me! Because I was the one who would betray myself if I had left my family! Although it was my partner who was the one who went on a work trip, my mind went on one too! What a humorous joke!

When we are unwilling or rather unable (at some point in time) to look within us, this is what happens. Our own ideas of fear that we detest projects itself onto other people, more so on the people that we love. For all we know, they are not doing what they seem to be doing. It is our perception that discolors each word that we hear, each action that we see. My perceptions cannot be trusted, because they do not represent the truth, especially at times when there is another to be blamed for my suffering.

The truth is, there is no other and there are only mirrors.

There is, only me. Phew… what a relief!

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Inability to Judge

August 10, 2010 by GG

I remember a fengshui master whom I regard as one of my earlier teachers told me in a light hearted manner, “If you did all the judging, then what is God to do?” At that moment, it dawned upon me that the stress I was going through in most of my relationships then was indeed caused by my judgments. My judgment all came with probable solutions too! ‘He talks too loud, he should speak softer’, ‘She doesn’t care about him, she should treat him better’, ‘This dish is not delicious, you must learn how to cook.’ Sounds bossy, doesn’t it? Of course, having known better now, judgments are merely arising thoughts through one of the mind’s functions to perceive which I had taken as real, and as mine.

A few days ago as I read A Course in Miracles, it clearly stood out again, our inability to judge. It shared,

How can you judge? Your judgment rests upon the witness that your senses offer you. Yet witness never falser was than this. But how else do you judge the world you see? You place pathetic faith in what your eyes and ears report. You think your fingers touch reality and close upon the truth. This is awareness which you understand and think more real than what is witnessed to by the eternal Voice of God himself.

Can this be judgment? You have often been urged to refrain from judging, not because it is a right to be withheld from you. You cannot judge. You merely can believe the ego’s judgment, all of which are false. It guides your senses carefully, to prove how weak you are, how helpless and afraid, how apprehensive of just punishment, how black with sin, how wretched in your guilt

– Lesson 151, A Course in Miracles

If my senses, which do not know one another only to have meanings or perceptions conjured in the mind because of its functions of interpreting and perceiving, how will I know if what I perceive is to be of truth? And if it is not of truth, then what would I be perceiving or judging except to allow my mind to throw in their own idea-ready-recipe into a pot of soup for dinner so to allow disaster in my experience to unfold?

The truth is that, judgment only arises because I have believed in a certain chain of thoughts that occurred in the mind. If I was just watching the thoughts coming and going, that is all that they are – impersonal thoughts that come and go; but instead, when I start buying into the thoughts which are constantly being churned out by the mind, making them all so personal to my experience, I create my own hell so per se.

Funnily, a thought just crossed my mind, why is it that we tend to believe judgments or thoughts that ruin us, but doubt those of the thoughts that say, ‘I am loved’ or ‘I can do this!’ or ‘I can be a multi-zillionaire’? We are indeed, a strange species.

The other day, I received a sms from a neighbor citing that the security guards at our garden did not conduct a stringent check on a foreign vehicle that he was in. Being the chairman of the resident association committee, I got edgy and irritated with the guards for not performing their duties up to mark and was ready to give them a good blasting. Clearly, there was already a sure case of judgment. The minute I got down from the car and consciously made an intention to listen to the whole situation instead as the security supervisor explained to me what happened, I realized that I had no reason to feel edgy, irritated or angry. Whatever that he did, was perfectly fine in his perception (and mine too!). But it was because I did not listen to the full story, merely buying into my neighbor’s story, which could have been misinterpreted or misperceived by my senses anyway; I judged the guards wrongly and got myself angry.

This incident allowed me to see how I am so incapable of judging anything or anybody based on limited information. As A Course in Miracle also states in the same text,

No one can judge on partial evidence. That is not judgment. It is merely an opinion based on ignorance and doubt. Its seeming certainty is but a cloak for the uncertainty it would conceal. It needs irrational defense because it is irrational. And its defense seems strong, convincing, and without a doubt because of all the doubting underneath.

How true that this is revealed. If I am to refrain from judging, I am lessen a burden of a task I thought was mine to carry out; and this applies too to self-judgment. As long as someone or something becomes the target of blame, judgment has set in and thereby disallowing truth to unfold itself. In truth, whatever happens out there is none of my business. In fact, my business is also none of my business because it is already fully taken care of. But for the sake of having something to ‘do’, then my business is, just to be with Truth, and to be Truth – to forgive my perceptions which cannot represent truth, and to be Love. And oh my, Love judges not. Now, that’s Truth.

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