Abandonment is a good old friend of mine and is an ancient pain residing in most of us. Abandonment is experienced through parents leaving children, man leaving woman or vice versa, friends leaving friends and etc, even in death; which most of us, lifetime after lifetime experience in different roles. Ask any persons whom their parents had passed away when they were a child, or a person of whom their lover has left them, abandonment would be what they experienced, although on the surface level, is the face of betrayal. Even through time, when it looks like we’ve gotten over it, but rest assured that abandonment is always lurking at the back of our minds, waiting for us to address it. Like it or not, this idea of abandonment is deeply ingrained in the mind that sometimes, even when this very issue pops out in front of us, we might not recognize it as the lesson behind it.
In my past lessons of abandonment, I merely barked at the wrong tree thinking that it was just time to leave a friend, a lover or whatsoever. Little did I realize that in many scenarios, I had mentally and emotionally ‘left’ the people that I love before they could leave me, all because of a fear of being rejected and abandoned. To deny and escape from that state of abandonment, I turned my back against the people I love (although not really physically), moved away from them and started to shield myself with a thick wall to protect myself. Nobody could understand what happened, except conclude that I am alright, when inside I was hurting badly. But being a survivor, I would start looking out again, for anyone else other than those who carried the verdict of abandoning me – anyone at all who could give me that sense of belonging, that specialness that I long for; so that I could feel safe again, at least until the perception of being abandoned comes up again.
The thing is this – why do I need someone to make me feel belong or special; before being abandoned by them again? The whole scenario has being played out repeatedly like a broken recorder, albeit with different casts with the same lesson in it. And the truth is that no one had ever abandoned me, even in death. It was only in my ignorant misperception that I had needed someone to love me and make me feel special to the point that I am attached and needy of their physical presence in my life. In that clinginess, guess what happens, I couldn’t take it when they would physically leave me even if they were just going overseas for further education for a few years! It was utterly immature, but it is not the matured adult I am talking about here – but that inner child who did not know any better, who needs to be embraced lovingly.
All forms of betrayals, fear of being left out, being rejected and what have you are all subtle indications of the main idea of being abandoned. To dissolve this idea, it seems necessary to dive into it and be with the uneasy hurt feelings until we come to peace with it. That is one form of healing. And in doing so, we will be blessed with clarity and begin to observe that no one has in fact, left us – except for our own ideas or misperception. In truth, no one has come to us or left us. Bodies come together for learning, and by this, I do mean the people that come into our lives, each resonating a symbol that we have yet to reclaim of our essence – something that we thought we have lost, or given out. Until we reclaim that part of us, we will soon realize that we do not need anyone – yes, there is no need of others – and the relationship is rejoiced with freedom and allowance. We all only come together to help each other move beyond where we are. Even if the physical body has left us so to speak, when we are still within ourselves, we find that everyone else is there with us. It is something beyond the body that stays on with us – it is that part of us in which they carried as the symbol, but have us reclaimed back.
It is essential to acknowledge what has arisen within us in order to dissolve it. And yet, due to the multiple layers of defense that we have created around our vulnerability, it would take time to uncover it. Again, wisdom can pop this misbelief like a bubble, only and only if; the rightful attitude is being cultivated. Being willing to take responsibility, to turn inwards is the first step. That is a conscious choice, a choice that can only be made by us.
Inviting you towards further insights My Choice, My Detriment.