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Coming Home to Me

Time and time again, we are constantly being lured into believing that there is someone out there who loves and approves us, wholly accepting us we are. And because of that addiction, we can never excuse ourselves from being affected by the way others react to us, whether they smile at us, wink at us, give us a smiley face over the internet, abruptly cut us off in a conversation, speak to us in a different tone or simply show us a nasty look. Through many experiences, as much as there are many angles to a box, possibilities to a situation, i.e. it is probably not about us or to us that they are targeting at, probably just a bad moment they had experienced or were going through; we never fail to feel triggered, saddened, abandoned, left out or whatever feelings we feel uncomfortable with anyway, until we come to terms with ourselves.

Though many times, it is never about us that others are upset about while it may seems like it; as long as we are set-off in a negative mood, we are asked only to inquire within. Clearly, we already feel like victims as much as we try to deny it, at times seeking for evidence that it is never about us. But even in truth, when it is not really about us, again as long as we are the ones feeling sorry about ourselves, it is our business to resolve our own discomfort – for that is our truth, our ‘story’ to begin with.

It is easy to forget, for that is the rule of the game, the rule of limitations. But it is also easy to remember; for once we remember the motion of self-inquiry sets in. But what makes it hard at this junction, is the mind still wanting to see the realness of what is outside, wanting to hang on to what cannot be true, failing each time to look within, the initial idea that sparked off vulnerability.

It is always a calling home at times like these. Although sometimes it may be a weak come back, but it never fails. It is in our weakest moments that we continue to thrive, that the heart is open to us, only within a reach away. It takes strength, guts and much motivation, to want to investigate that lie, to see the truth to which illusions hovers around. Nothing can stand in our way, as long as we soar for truth.

Love – that is all we all want. Though many shut that away, but it is always about love. Even a wife who is married to a wonderful husband, who provides well, still yearns for love; failing to recognize that she is the only one capable to love herself. In failing that endeavor, she seeks what is outside, what is also an illusion, to fulfill that emptiness within, to only find that she will be left alone again, bare and naked.

It is time to come home now, home to myself. All else which have been perceived as bad is an illusion, and so are all else which have been perceived to be good. Nothing is whole and complete, not here anyway, except the wholeness and completeness which can only be felt within. So even when the victim emerges from time to time, let me love her, and embrace her. Let me not judge or condemn her during her unconscious state, but instead bring clarity and tenderness to her. As long as I will, I smell her closeness in my embrace.

It is there that I seek, and yet when I am here, I am already there by being here.

3 Responses to “Coming Home to Me”

  1. Alina Grace says:

    Loving oneself is the beginning….

    Loving ourselves first is the most important factor to all happiness. If we don’t start loving ourselves first, how can we have the right to love another? We can’t even treat ourselves right! Like the common saying goes, “Charity Begins at Home”.

    So with this saying, love begins with us……

  2. Love has never left except the illusion of self-hate. For where there is denial, there begins the meaning of resistance, the meaning of guilt that leads to aversion. But when all this are properly seen, understood and realized, there arise the presence of Love which has never left or disappear in the first place. Illusion only block love presence. Thus, to learn loving ourselves is just another camouflage of the ego. Do nothing except to understand the mechanics of ego and you shall escape from the grip of it.

    I can’t love you or can I love myself for if Love is, there is no need to love. To bring love to myself is to mean Love isn’t.

    • GG says:

      Yes, I agree. Love is a natural state that arises. We can’t “do” or “make” Love happen.

      In my experience, it is a being state, where all that is experienced is just as it is.

      Love.

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