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Awakening to the Unloved Love

Love – is what we all live for, and it radiates from our most inner core. I can choose to look at a situation or a person as a punishment, or an opportunity to love what I would deem difficult; depending on the experience I want. If I want to retain my old ways of suffering, I can continue to close my heart further; or if I want to set myself free, I will see the truth of a situation, or a person presented before me.

Love is the very struggle of our lives. But when we have a belief that we are unloved, we turn our attention to an outer manifestation such as a family, a lover, money, career, children or friends or what have you just to cover up what we believe is missing in our lives. For that, we are always running around in circles, unable to find a solid footing no matter where we stand. We know there is something wrong here, but we are just unable to pin point what is it. Does that sound familiar?

I asked my little one some nights ago if she thought that I’d still love her if she was naughty or if she did anything that I did not approve of. Pretty confident of my function as her mom, I was surprised when her answer came as a ‘no’. As I further read some excerpts from a book written by John Goldthwait, it implied that childhood is where experiences of love and being unloved is most significant, where a belief that one can actually be unloved is created. Cleverly, or rather ignorantly, a support thought of “If I become what he/she wants me to be, then perhaps he/she will love me. Then I will be loved!” becomes a glimpse of hope and so this tiny mad idea becomes, sooner or later, a belief or a practice a child carries into adulthood. This can also be termed, in spiritual context, the closing of one’s heart – yes, our own heart to ourselves.

It is somewhat tricky as when young, we were taught that it is unfavorable to be selfish. Yet, in the path of spiritual awakening, that is exactly what is needed of us if we are to find ourselves out of the rut – selfishness. My friend James termed it beautifully quoting one profound teacher – Sacred Selfishness. It is beautiful. Still, selfishness from the context of fear is preserving what is being perceived as already limited, as if when one gives, one would have less. It can be explained further from the perception of self-sacrifice.

The closest example of how I can relate to how Love multiplies further instead of divides is the Love of a parent. When a parent is blessed with a second child, Love does not diminish as would the first child would have imagined, thus the jealousy and insecurity at first. Instead, Love expands. It does not limit by withdrawing Love from the first child to be channeled to the second child although preference may be given to either child in terms of care giving depending on the needs of a specific child, or rather more true, the perception of a parent on the needs of a child; and perceptions, has nothing to do with Love.

So then, who are We? Who am I? Am I the personality of that I am selfless, I am a lawyer, I am a brilliant cook or what have you? Is there any sense of struggle in up keeping these qualities or roles of what or who I think I am? I can put up a front that I am spiritual, I am at peace; but can I lie to myself, for long?

There will come to a point in time where our hearts can no longer contain the layers of fabrications when the inner conflict becomes more obvious. Usually, that is the point where we find ourselves on a spiritual journey so to speak. Again, spiritual journey is not some hocus-pocus or some fairy land experience. It is a realistic approach or path totally necessary if we were to find our true selves. It is comical yet sensible, that first we seek the journey for a God outside of us, when the very God that we have been looking for has always been within us all along. That’s the cosmic joke!

When we start listening to the voice within us, the God within us, the journey of Love starts again –the path of Self Love. Although it may be astonishing and scary at first because our core beliefs are threatened while being investigated, but you see, they are just beliefs, ideas and in no way could or can ever represent our true essence, the true “I”.

We are Love. No matter how much we try to deny it. We are It. I only refer us as an “It” to define what is separate from the falseness. In truth, there is not even a “we” or an “It”!

Live Love, Love… We have always been the Love that we are looking for. What on earth are you waiting for???

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