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Addressing an Inner Conflict

This article was written some time ago. Posting this in remembrance of a journey of an inner conflict whether to address self or the someone out there.


Am I not seeing things clearly? Am I hanging on to an idea which is now conflicting to what is happening around me? Which is more true? What is happening outside me? Or the voice within that is calling out to me to honor myself? Has ignorance finally caught up once again, attempting to wash away whatever that I’ve arrived at? Or am I asked, again and again, just to be independent, to answer only to myself? Am I subjected to others’ calling or their good intention to smoothen out my path of liberation? Or am I to trust myself, that whatever decision I may make, that allows me to stand in my own true space, is what I ought to live for? How am I to know if I am treading along the right path if I am on my own?

Have I de-toured?

Again, am I seeing clearly on my own? Or are that of what my closest friends are showing me is exactly what I am resisting?

I’ve come to the stage recognizing everything including the happening of my vehicle or any other external manifestation is merely symbols. Is it then possible that something material could give me anything unless I believed in it?

If I am truly an extension of the Infinite, thus making me too, God, then am I not to respect the divinity within me? How can others be sure if I am listening to my heart or the thoughts in my head? How would they know if where I will go is truly not the path that will lead to where they’d be or going anyway? How can they be sure if it is my ego I am succumbing to, and not the voice within?

Is it important at all that they know? Or more important that I know and understand?

That’s right, it is more important that I know – the truth of the truth, within me. A friend can turn into an enemy in the mind in the context of a false need, yet an enemy can turn into a friend when the right understanding surfaces. Sometimes, I feel that since there’s no one out there, why would I still need to address others? Recognizing them as my mirrors, it brings me closer to home; and yet when the mind starts to hang on to experiences reminiscing the memories that I once had, I allow myself to be swayed once more, away from home; giving away what has rightfully always been my own.

Still, Love always calls me home, because I am Love. I am whatever that I long for in others, for I’ve never left me – except when I’ve forgotten.

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