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It lies within Me

I realise lately in myself and others that seldom are we afraid to make the wrong decisions, or to be treadding along the wrong path. We don’t really regret anything that we had experienced in the past too. If we were to take a step back to think back on how far we had come along, most of us will agree that our life journey, despite the ups and downs were indeed colourful and full of flavours, and believe it or not, it can be accompanied by some subtle sense of satisfaction, appreciation and gratification.

Yet, most of us are still afraid to make our own decisions especially when asked to embark on a journey which the heart yearns. For that, we constantly seek approval from others because we have a fear of making the wrong decision when the truth is, we have a fear of how people would perceive us if we were to make a mistake, or in a worst case, fail. That, my friend, is the fear of being judged.

Just because I am afraid of what others will think of me if I was to do this or that, be this or that; I’d better think twice or thrice before doing anything authentic; just because I’m afraid of being cast out or labeled differently, I close myself against my own heart – as if my needs and wants are not important. You see, how and what other people think of me is MOST important, not what I feel about myself. As long as others think I am alright, then I am alright!

Is that true?

Since I can only relate my own experiences in life, I will come clean that I’ve never felt entirely as joyful, free or happy during my younger days as compared to now. If I was given a choice to turn back time with the permission to surpass those times, I am very sure that I wouldn’t want it any other way although to repeat the experiences will not be necessary. First of all, everything happened exactly the way it did; and secondly, those times are parts and puzzles of what sums up my life, which had in one way or another brought me where I am today – sufferings included. Why would I want it any other way unless I am not appreciating myself of where I am today?

This means to say, whether I have made the right or wrong decision, stepped onto the right and wrong path, had my hearts broken many times over; I am not sorry for what I’ve gone through in the journey. Yes, there were times while I wished I could have handled things or situations differently but since I did not know any better then, how could I have done any better? The fact is, what is right and wrong except in perceptions? No one, not even ourselves can say that it is right or wrong for it is exactly as it is, and did not happen any other way.

How long more can we continue to bury our inner calling or inner vocation which is crying out for our attention? For how long more do we succumb to an illusionary criteria that we have created others to have of us? The thing is, is it true that others really do have a set of conditions on how we ought to live or be? Or is it just our imagination turned into a reality through the coloured lens of our perception? And so what if they really do have a whole list of rules? What has that got to do with us?

We are swayed away from our center in our unconscious state – when programmes are running in an autopilot mode, unquestioned – hence, the importance of self-awareness as it brings us back to our conscious state. Nobody is being asked to disobey, go against or oppose any beliefs, laws, anybody or anything. Only this – to listen deeply to ourselves what is it that will promote and encourage our beingness of joy, peace and inner freedom.

We are all playing our own game living out our own stories conjured in the mind. Let others have their own game and stories about us, it is ok; but let us always rise up to ourselves and to constantly bring ourselves back to our center. For my joy, happiness, peace and freedom lies within me, not in anyone else.

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