I received a text message from a friend I have not connected with for years who shared that she was abused. Since I do not know her well (although we were from the same class during our younger days), it was as good as sharing with a stranger; and I guess the space between us would have provided her a safety net to pour out her feelings.
It involved somewhat of a physical abuse. When I asked her how she was feeling, she began describing to me her physical discomfort of being beaten, rather than the emotional trauma that she was going through. Though the difference in intensity of her story, I could somehow relate to her emotionally.
What is the difference between a physical abuse and an emotional abuse? In truth, none; except that in physical manifestation, we feel the discomfort of being treated harshly realistically. In my own perception, I see it as a point where a physical manifestation is called upon – it is truly time to wake up to the inner issues that one has not looked at. In an emotional abuse, it is easy to brush it aside in the mind you see. But with physical abuse, a life or rather, a body which we value so much, is at stake and usually calls one for protection when the thought of being beaten to death is concerned.
Not that I condone such acts. Any act of emotional or physical abuse is not pleasant; whether we are the abuser, or the abused. Both do not experience pleasure in this; or perhaps to rightfully put it, the pleasure and ‘release’ is short-term which usually results in shame, guilt, anger, hatred adding on another ten thousand folds from what was being felt at the initial stage before the incident.
She said that it was a ‘family’ problem. I saw it as no problem. No problem because as long as she is willing to address what she is stubbornly not willing to look upon, within; what needs to be address magnifies. I remember one of my earlier teachers telling me this, ‘When you don’t learn your lesson, the Universe will throw you a bigger lesson. When you still don’t learn your lesson, the Universe will throw you an even bigger lesson, until you learn.’ It sounds to me as if there is no way out here. If I want a happy dream, I will have to work with me.
It is mind blowing to someone to tell him or her that the fault lies not in the abuser, or even the person who had tricked the abuser into abusing him or her. And the fault doesn’t also lay in the abused. Now that takes blame and judgment out of the equation. Although it is very much against the norm of the society as we have been taught well that there is surely a source to where the trigger is provoked or unleashed; the source is not out there, and it has never ever been. The source is within each of us. Where it begins, is where it ends – in the mind.
There are qualities needed to permit such an idea, a new idea to run the mind – which opposes much disturbing ideas which are seemingly ‘ruining’ our lives. It is a choice, as always – when you are at a crossroad; to choose between Truth and fabrications. But then again, how could fabrications ever replace Truth? It cannot, and yet, most of us choose to continuously dive blindly into the illusion of lies even when deep down inside, we know that anything and everything is more than what meets the eyes.
Who would you be with your story? Byron Katie asks the simply questions. Not that there is nothing or no one to address outside; but the person or thing that we need to address most at the very start to the very end, is what is within me. It starts with the willingness to take responsibility, and then integrity, and then, lots and lots of forgiveness; and here I mean – not to pardon others or ourselves, but simply the forgiveness of perceptions.