What is specialness but a belief of not being special?
As I goggled the word ‘specialness’, something interesting caught my eye in its definition: the state or quality of being special; accompanied by an example: He was vain about his specialness until he realized he was really very common.
It is very easy to be swayed away into a delusion of specialness, which exists anywhere and everywhere. Take a look at our materials, relationships. It is common that we tend to pay more attention to a particular asset as compared to the other assets we own; and it is also too frequent that we tend to pay attention only to one person, especially in a relationship. Since materials are dead and cannot really respond per se, I guess what would really pose a challenge to our well being are relationships. And we go on seeking and seeking, until we lose ourselves along the way, unable to break the chain of wanting, desiring. From a pure space of joy and appreciation, it may very well lead to a space where there exist jealousy, anguish, terror, betrayal, abandonment of which all only exists in the mind when one forgets.
If I am seeking for specialness, I will find all ways to prove it – he sends me flowers, he says he loves me, he calls me often… and yet if there is no full appreciation of the moment, what follows up is wanting more and more of it, as if addicted. The mind then makes up storylines of how we are twin flames, soul mates, partners in previous lives and etc, just so to justify that it is right for this specialness to occur, that it is right to fight for the relationship to ‘exist’, to be official! Again, I am not meaning to say that it is wrong to have and experience specialness, but merely when one is unaware and unwise its results lead to pain and suffering.
It is fascinating to find that when two people first fall in love together, they go through phrases in a relationship of insecurity, approval, betrayal, abandonment (though in subtle forms) and get back together again after rounds and rounds of convincing, persuading and evidence of proof that – yes, I am the one! How egoistic can that be? And then they get married, have children and then find that the person that they marry is not the one for them. Really, isn’t it a funny story?
And one of my wise beloved cited in her message to me, “just because he so happen to address only to you, then the mind thinks, ‘I am special!’” I could not stop laughing heartily! How true her statement! And when the thought of ‘I am special!’ arrives, associating with this person that seems to be making me feel that way, I become devoted to him and start to scheme and manipulate my ways so that he could produce those feelings of my being special again! And he doesn’t give me what I want, I will feel hurt, angry, disappointed, betrayed, abandonment and all other feelings that come with it. The whole family of pain just visits!! What a set up!
It was such an interesting and shocking moment to me to finally arrive at a space where I actually felt peaceful for not being special. And in that space of absurdity, I am already special, without needing anyone to express or confirm that I am special.
To seek for specialness, is to believe that I am not special. And yet how can that be true? In truth, we are each special, and it is only when we start to seek specialness in a thing or a person, then we’d know that we are once again in hallucination.
Here I share with you one of my teacher’s entries Nothing Special is Special.
May I remember at each and every moment, that there is no one out there who can make me feel any more special than I already am.
*Special here does not mean being unique, superior, inferior or any different from any other persons but merely an appreciation of the essence within.