I’ve come across several situations where I’ve stood my ground with a firm ‘no’, and also of those where I’ve not stood my ground and said ‘yes’ when the inner world says ‘no’. Now, I began to ponder when I say a ‘yes’ to you during the times when I actually mean a ‘no’, am I truly supporting you or spoiling you? To think that I am supporting you, is another form of ‘doing’ to bring peace to that part of me that feels shitty and yucky when I actually wanted to say a ‘no’. Could that be anywhere near of what we call ‘love’ or ‘support’?
And what would propel me to do this, except my guilt of wanting to seek approval from you, or to uplift you not for your own good, but for my selfish want of not wanting to see you as a victim? But who is the real victim here, except myself?
So I tell myself, you are really weak, you are unconscious, you are blah-blah-blah and you need me; and then I move myself to come closer to you or allow you to come to me to ask help from me – when that happens, am I truly supporting you to empower you or myself from the space of love, or am I actually supporting you to further ingrain the meaning in you that you are actually that helpless, that unsupported, that weak? When instead of being stronger, your reliance upon me become strapping; am I then not spoiling you, in place of supporting you?
We are always presented with situations where we are asked to support or not. Usually, we will tend to support another especially if the other has posted his or her weaknesses but yet when it comes to the point of ‘I have to’ instead of ‘I want to’ then it does not empower anyone else; no one benefits at all. Even coming from the space of ‘I want to’, what is in for me? Sheer joy, or just a camouflage of what would have me deal with my guilt towards you?
But what has my guilt got to do with you although you seem to be in my space for me to address, when in truth it is still me who is the one that I’ve got to deal it? When will the story end? Never, until I come to terms with myself – my honesty towards myself.
All things are lessons God would have me learn – Lesson 193, A Course in Miracles
And what would God have me learn in this when I am presented with a choice of supporting you or not supporting you? They are still, in truth, the opposite sides of the same coin; except that in either choice that I make, it can come from the space of guilt, or from love. If I was to support you from the space of love, my joy would not be compromised; and if I were to not support you from the space of love, my joy too, would not be compromised. Both to support or not to support can come from the exact same space of my intention – and whatever you get out of it, depending on your programming, your ideas, your perceptions, you own willingness to rise up to your own greatness – therein lays your own reality. And does your reality have anything to do with me although I seem to be the catalyst for it? No. It has never, and will never be.
When it comes to the point of dishonoring myself, then I know that it is time to stop and ponder. Although it would be more powerful to be sure of the initial intention, rather than after the action has been done but most of the time I am in a delusion due to an ingrained long-playing pattern in me. So when I start to feel choked up, stressed or upset, it is come to recollect myself again and bring this long-playing pattern that does not serve my well-being to surface; for even from an initial intention of love, can turn to one of defilement when I do not question myself what stops me from honoring myself in the first place.
So my supporting you may end up spoiling you. And my not supporting you may end up empowering you although you may end up hating me for it if you are unaware of what is going on in your mind. But your hating me will never be as severe as me hating myself. What you may think or react or respond is beyond my control, and yet, what I think, react or respond is here only in my own space, within my responsibility of my own mindscape.
Can we all begin to take care of ourselves now, and allow everyone else around us to stand in their own true power, for each of our sake? The other day, a participant revealed that she was selfish if she did not help another. As I wrote the words ‘I am selfish’ on the whiteboard, I added another word in between them ‘sacredly’.
That is right, Sacred Selfishness. It is that sacredness in us which is utmost important – our mental peace, our well being. Is not our mental and emotional state essential? If we are not at peace with ourselves, unavailable for ourselves, how can we ever be entirely available and present to others?