Do you realise that when we start being honest with ourselves in our inward journey, it is indeed an open secret? Our intentions are all the same, although they may seem to differ in terms of direction certain times, but our motives behind our actions are always the same – always, always a call for love. We may say, that each of our situations is different, but ponder on it and look beyond the already arisen situation, aren’t our motives all the same?
It is the same as digging our nose. We know how disgusting it looks hence we don’t do it in public. In public, we may use a tissue or excuse ourselves to our own privacy so that we may dig our nostrils in private as if it is a secret or a private affair; but think about it, how sure are we that others don’t do the same? Everybody does it, even the most handsome man, the most beautiful girl – the only difference is that we choose to do it in our privacy, keeping it as our secret. If everybody does it, how is it so a secret?
What is different on the outer are only targeted people, targeted situations and our so-called actions and storylines. But check our motivations behind the actions; we are of no different from the man next door – always, always holding on to the sense of righteousness, wanting to be heard, to be understood, to be approved of, to be loved. I may look for it in relationships, you may look for it in money, she may look for it in pets, he may look for it in his career accomplishments; but what is the difference other than where our attention is seemingly directed at?
It is always the same old thing we are looking for although it seems as if we are looking at different bodies, things and targets. And we are seldom straightforward about it, as if shameful to be honest and direct. Let’s put it this way, how many of us will go straight up to our superiors and say, “Boss, actually I just want to be approved, valued and loved by you.” Very rarely we find species that authentic. And so we plan and do things, whether consciously or unconsciously just so to attain a favourable response that we would then put a meaning to. And the response received never works if it is not consistent with what I have in mind; yet if the response is exactly how I envisage it to be, it will work only for a little while and I will keep on striving for it by further planning and doing to the point of exhaustion only to find that I can give no more. And what happens next is – I need to quit or change jobs, or he is simply a lousy boss who doesn’t know how to appreciate me.
It is like a couple. When the man goes away for a trip and calls home, the woman excitedly says, “I miss you honey, do you miss me?” for if he tells her that he misses her, that means that she is being thought of, and if she is being thought of, that means she is loved, and if she is loved, she must mean something – whether to him or not, it doesn’t matter, as long as she means something, and to mean something is to mean that she must be worthy.
Or like an employee and an employer. When the employer is pleased with the employee and expresses it, the employee is happy because that means that the employer is happy and if the employer is happy, that means that she has done something right and if she has done something right, that means he approves of her, and if he approves of her, that means she is valuable and worthy and if she is valuable and worthy, that ought to say something about her, doesn’t it?
Doesn’t it all boil down to the same thing? How different is one story from another?
Strangely, when there is one who begins to be authentic and open, the one is subject to be judged by others with statements like, “washing dirty laundry in the public”. Still, I find that this space is important (though storylines are not really important) to allow the other a sacred space to open up to his or her so-called dark secrets.
Surely, anyone would have come across a situation where another is sharing his or her secret, and all one does is nod his or her head and says, “yes, I understand”. But until the one listening has fully come to terms with his or her honesty, will he or she be able to see clearly the situation presented to him by another. Otherwise, it’d just be another story to be heard, to be retold again and again, from one to another, and another yet to another.
There is nothing and nowhere to hide. We hide not from each other but only from ourselves. That is probably why many are afraid to see psychics and healers and even if they do so, they’d choose to do it alone or with a very trusted friend. What if the psychics and healers can see through them? Unless it is with honesty of really wanting to know the truth, otherwise again, it is just another story to be heard, to be told.
Yet, there is a secret unknown which is not really a secret. It is only a secret because it is unknown and nobody wants to know it because it is threatening. The unknown secret is open to all, yet few wants to access it. Isn’t it strange? What is an open secret, everybody hides it. And what is available to all, is a secret unknown. Not that it is kept away, or kept apart but it is just oblivious to those who hang on to their own little secret, which is indeed an open secret, to keep the personality intact.
I cannot deny that the hardest person to be honest with is indeed ourselves. It does take much courage and integrity. And until we can come to terms with ourselves, we go around hiding behind a mask shying away our seemingly weaknesses. Not to say it is necessary to openly reveal the secret to others, but at least be willing to look at the secret that we have hidden from ourselves. And here we find our gift and began to develop compassion for ourselves and others.