Emotion is never about someone else

At some point in time when we begin to take full responsibility of the experiences that arises in us, we will soon realise that any emotions that includes anger, jealousy, betrayal and even love, albeit often targeted at someone else is never about someone else. If we were to be really truthful about these  emotions that are arising within us, we will apprehend that they stem from belief systems, or rather ideas that we bought into and each of these ideas always has a ‘what’s in it for me’ inclination.

Let’s take anger for instance. I do not deny that we are mostly and mainly triggered by something that happens outside of us which is within our experience – it can be the car not starting, the wife saying something that seems to be blaming or the child being sick. Check within and we can be sure a myriad of emotions that emerge although we may choose to be quiet about it, so not to argue with another about the situation especially so when unpleasant emotions are present. Although what seems calm on the surface, the undercurrent of the still water is strong and can seem to drag one’s emotions from one end to another end, until understanding sets in; that is, of course depending on the individual himself if he is a seeker of truth, or simply one who still chooses to think that ‘it’s not my fault or doing’.

Definitely, in truth, no one is at fault or to be blamed. Not even the one who feels the anger. But unless one is willing to take responsibility of those feelings; although innocently ignited as it can be; he will continuously experience himself as a victim, not being able to get out of the victim prison that he had unconsciously put himself into.

What is required here is the process of self-inquiry or any other tools that is available in the spiritual sense which requires the very first quality of turning inwards, which is – taking responsibility of the arisen emotion. At least, this is relevant in my case; for anger or whatever emotions that arise are already effects of a cause, and it is the cause that we have to get at, to understand if we were to better understand what has caused our emotions to surface. Being in the face of duality, where projection is common since there are so many bodies around, it is very easy to forget that we are the only one playing our own game. Even if we choose not to blame others verbally, but what difference does it make when it is happening mentally? On the physical level there may be smiles, hugs and even kisses, but what is the point when we are at the same time having mental wars with them? Wouldn’t that make me a hypocrite?

Many trod along the spiritual journey and give up half way because they think they are already ‘there’ and already know it all. Actually, I wouldn’t even say that ‘give up’ is an appropriate word when it is not a conscious ‘giving up’ but merely an unconscious state of ‘I know it all’. If you ask them if they are still on their journey, they will without-a-doubt tell you, ‘yeah, I am on my inward journey’ but it is not hard to tell when you’d find them still blaming other people for their misery. Perhaps an inward journey is not to be taken seriously? I don’t know. I just know that if I am serious enough in my journey, there is nothing that I would stop at, until I am experiencing total peace within, even when the house has caught fire.

So if we are really on our inward journey, let’s not forget. Let’s remember that there is never anyone out there who can cause us misery and I say this not in encouragement to suppress these emotions, ignore them by countering them with a ‘nobody can make me feel this way except myself and I choose not to feel this way’ attitude but to understand why the emotion was called to surface. At least, until we truly see the meaninglessness of these emotions and this is only possible when we have ceaselessly questioned our belief systems to the point that we honestly and truly see that each moment of our reality is indeed an illusion.

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