None of you are victims of someone else’s actions toward you. You bring into your life what you allow to come in. If you say “no” to what you don’t want, you bring in what you do want. It is that simple.
The only factor that makes all this complicated is that you don’t always know what you want or, if you do, you don’t trust it and remain committed to it. When your unconscious desires are different from your conscious goals, what you bring into your life reflects a mixture of both. Your creative capacity functions both consciously and unconsciously. Mind is creative, whether or not it is aware of itself.
If you want to create consciously, you must bring your unconscious desires and fears up for acceptance and inspection. Then, you will understand why your experience often differ remarkably from what you consciously intend. You can then adjust your goals so that you begin to honor all of you, not just the adult part.
When you understand your desires and fears, you can make choices that do not violate the more childish, vulnerable parts of your psyche. This may mean that your goals become more immediate, short-term and realistic. But this is a positive step, insuring that your long-term goals will not be undermined by the scared and wounded aspects of your psyche.
Expecting too much from yourself or from others is as dysfunction as expecting too little. Wanting a job or relationship you don’t have the skills or maturity to handle is counterproductive, if not downright traumatic. It is far better to seek out a less challenging job or relationship and do well at it than it is to shoot too high too soon. Small, progressive victories build confidence on all levels of the psyche, integrating child and adult perspectives and strengthening trust that will be needed for more difficult challenges that lie ahead.
To create what you want means to get clear about what you really want on all levels of your being. When the spiritual adult and wounded child want different things, manifestation is always mixed. That is why the time you take to integrate and unify the different needs and wants of your psyche is time well-spent.
When there is unconflicted desire in the heart and clarity on all levels of consciousness, the creative process flows easily.
If you want to succeed in your relationships with others, take the time to get to know yourself. Then it will be clear when and to whom you must say no and when and to whom you must say yes. Remember, what comes to you is not always what it seems. The knight in shining armor may be an insecure abuser in disguise, and the one offering comfort and support may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Always look beyond appearances, for nothing is as it seems to be. When you know what you want and what you need, be patient and wait for it. Many will come to you claiming to be the one you asked for, but only one will be authentic. Usually, it won’t be the one who comes with lots of smoke and mirrors. More often than not, it will be the simple unassuming one, the one who doesn’t use big words or promise great gifts, but who takes your hand and looks into your eyes without fear.
~ Miracle of Love, Abuse and Forgiveness, Paul Ferrini ~
Read Full Post »