Journaling Truth

A beloved sent me a YouTube titled ‘You Must Love Me’ performed by Madonna in one of her earlier movie, Evita. In his message was a comment, “so funny”.

Recalling the meaning of the song, and also rekindling with the song once again, I could not comprehend why his comment was such ence I wrote an email back to him, enquiring the contents of his comment “so funny”. He explained that it was funny because it was impossible to make someone love me, what more the word ‘must’. Based on whatever meaning that I previously already had of the song, I then explained to him that the song title or statement ‘You Must Love Me’ is more of a realisation, rather than a request in the context of the song. Seeing the possibility that I might not have understood what the title meant, I asked my loved one (who so happened to visit) if she had heard of the song and what her perceived meaning was. Her meaning was the same as mine. Being inquisitive, I switched on the YouTube again and relooked at its lyrics. True enough, suddenly the mind saw what the dear beloved meant was also valid! The invitation to look at the lyrics from a different perspective brought about a different meaning of the song which became more of a request than a realisation.

Words are merely words and nothing has changed, not even the arrangement of the sentences, punctuations or paragraphs; yet an invitation to relook at it from a differing perspective changed the entire meaning of the song. Of course, at the end of the day, the concluding meaning can only be true to the beholder due to many reasons such as how the movie was perceived to be portrayed, his or her own experiences and meanings put onto words. It somewhat confirms that it is not the words expressed but rather what colour lenses the mind is wearing in perceiving what is being expressed.

From my own experiences, I noticed that different mind states bring on different meanings onto words, situations and also people based upon what is being perceived at that point in time. Recalling the earlier course of my inward journey, whenever I found myself triggered or upset over statements conversed during an email exchange or internet chatting session, I would save up the email or internet chat after we end the so-called conversation. I know it might sound scary to some as if I am trying to collect evidence as remembrance of how this person has triggered me or for a scheme to launch my attack. I cannot deny that while these were old patterns I had prior to the inward journey, but by this time, what I was really doing was experimenting with myself how mind states affects what I see or read over the internet especially when I am unable to see the person face to face. In fact, seeing the person face to face can also be a distorted reality based on mind states. Coming back to the email and internet chats, I normally keep them for a few hours or a few days depending again on mind states. Being mindful, it is obvious to differentiate when the mind state changes due to the contrast of what it was before. State of mind changes can be due to varied reasons such as the inner work that I do or sometimes, merely a passing cloud. And usually after the switch of state, there is clarity of mind in rereading those emails and chats which was earlier perceived as triggering. The most common result is that I usually find the contents perceived before (that resulted the trigger) was not really what it actually meant. If I hadn’t been diligent enough to persist the integrity call to turn the radar inwards, I might have thrown out unnecessary judgement or resentment towards the innocent person(s) whom I was chatting with.

Having said that, the triggers are of course not to be ignored. It will be appropriate to begin wise-attitude inquiry and usually by the time it is cleared, understood or realised what the cause of the trigger was, there happens a shift in the mind with the clarity that it gains. In my experience where that happens, rereading those emails or chats again (in my case), the true essence of the messages is then revealed to me without censorship.

So next time, instead of lodging a fixed perspective on something, a situation or a person; perhaps invite yourself to have an opportunity to view things differently; especially when it so triggers. It may result in many little revelations that lead to further growth.

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