A few days ago, I saw a friend’s furious comment about the Obedient Wives Club over Facebook. Today, another friend wrote me an email and expressed curiousness about it. My partner also expressed stupidity over the issue. And it is understandable, because if I had not seen the essence of how the Obedient Wives Club was formed, I too would have reacted the same way.
It is not really about the Obedient Wives Club being formed; and, although if women were to subscribe to it rather than fume about it, rest assured that it may work for a short while in that men would be pleased and less may go astray; soon the insidious pattern of men sneaking behind their wives will come back, because the core issue of it within men or women is not being looked at, acknowledged and seen for what it is.
Ask any woman who had experienced where their men had gone astray, you will hear of two things – either they blame the men for being ungrateful b*stards, or take much effort in beautifying themselves or being more active in bed. The former naturally leads to bitterness in a marriage life while the latter, as many women may tell you, works and that is how they keep their men.
Being in the space where I have experienced the same, and not to put anyone wrong here; I too took the latter route and took much effort in equipping skills in bed and grandiose effort in beautifying myself so that I would always look desirable to the husband. We were practically like rabbits when we made up and trust me when I tell you we had a ball of a time filled with passion. But after a while, the sex part sizzled off. Now, was it really that I am no good in bed or not obedient enough, or was there something else that I was not addressing?
It is indeed an ancient pattern in the mind in such storylines where women blame themselves for the apparent ‘failure’ in the marriage especially when it is witnessed on the outside that the men has gone to someone else. Thoughts like not being good enough, not worthy enough to retain their men and it always and usually has something to do with how they look, how they fulfil their duties in the marriage and how they perform in bed are the ones that churns out such an idea of a ‘failure’ but not acknowledged fully hence needing to do something about it; though on the surface some women may retaliate and scream that it was the husbands who were unfaithful. What many fail to see is the very essence or lessons that are moulded in such situations to pay heed to. It is not about how to retain the men or why the men found interest in another or vice versa or even how to ‘improve’ our skills, behaviour or physical appearances. It has very much everything that is in the belief that is deep seeded in the mind which is yet oblivious to those who had not taken the integrity or responsibility to look into it.
The thing is, what do you view the partners as? Animals who are only interested in sex hence using sex as a means to keep the man? Now, I am not denying that sex is an important element of a relationship, but the act of sex itself is an effect of something much deeper beyond the fulfilment of the bodies. It is the connectedness between two people and ultimately with ourselves. And I am too, not defending men or anyone who has seemingly ‘betrayed’ the marriage or their partners as I have come to observe that women too are as capable of doing the same. So, it is not really about the case of gender or who being the victim here but more truly of what is the underlying cause of such manifestations.
To do anything in the level of form to ‘save’ a marriage or relationship is to entirely miss the mark for the essence of the issue here is not about the sex, not about the duties, or even how beautiful any woman or how handsome any man look. I was having a conversation with a loved one and she was sharing with me how her women friends in their menopause are concerned about keeping their sacredness ‘wet’ so that it would still be inviting to their partners so that their partners will not look for some other women outside to satisfy their sexual appetite. It was so strange to me as it sounded as if they were using ‘sex’ as a weapon to keep their men instead of love. Wasn’t love the initial reason why they got together? Or was it sex?
So, to initiate any clubs for women to improve themselves in form is to miss the mark. To participate and learn from such clubs or organisations is to miss the mark. To become furious and fume over it is, sad to say is also missing the mark! We keep questioning how handsome men can fall for not-so-desirable-looking women as in the latest news of a certain celebrity thus making conclusions that their beautiful wives are not good enough or that the men are sex-maniacs; but has anyone, save for the wise ones, ever considered that it could be something beyond the storyline that is propelling here which is repeated over and over again in the world? Could it be possible that there is something beyond that we are all not seeing?
Everything resides in the mind, the ancient pattern of unworthiness and victimhood. If you could look into the mind and all the meanings that were put onto situations like these, perhaps then can all blaming whether directed towards others and own self be ceased naturally resulting in a genuine and natural intimacy and connectedness within one self and also the partner.
There will be nothing to do, nothing to set up, nothing to obey, nothing to fume about, nothing to fault. Instead, there will be right understanding of the whole mechanics, and wisdom unfolding leading to wholesome action, which naturally needs to a wholesome and fulfilling relationship or marriage.