Some time ago, I received a few comments from some loved ones that I don’t need anything or anyone in my life. It was quite a strange comment to me to be honest, because I didn’t really view it that way. You see, at that time I thought I still needed something, just not what they perceived what I needed.
To need something or someone, is to have that something or someone fulfil a need in me. And usually the fulfilment of need comes from the mentality of lack which usually boils down to joy, happiness or peace. And I am always reminded by Byron Katie’s statement of ‘Skip the middleman and be happy now’, hence allowing me to again and again come back to the present, to myself where nothing obscures my happiness, joy or peace except myself.
And this ‘need’ or lack mentality is exactly the kind of system that is running in our lives, our loved ones, our societies, countries and of course, most incessantly, our minds. I remember my teacher telling me once, “if you need something – no good; if you need someone – no good; if you need experience – okay.” And of course, as a natural inquirer, it boils down to the question of “why do I need such an experience and what can it do for me?” – Joy and happiness, in order to be Peaceful. And then it comes back to what Byron Katie says, why not be joyful and happy now; with or without the experience?
And of course that doesn’t mean that I do not want the experience, except that I am open to it whether I have it or not. Having said that, there are times when I am irked when I don’t have the experience but that is none of anybody’s fault or business except my own level of expectation put onto the other person and it is my own shit to work on.
The birthday is coming and I have been receiving messages, calls and questionings of what I would like to have or where I would like to dine for my birthday. Some would like to offer me dinner, money, expensive gifts, books and all that – and I say, “give me what you want to give me” because I am totally selfish and I only want what you want to give me, even if it is nothing. And even if I receive nothing, it doesn’t mean that I am not remembered, cherished or appreciated. I’d have to admit that I used to have those thought patterns pretty long time ago, but that kind of expectation levelled onto our loved ones is as if telling them – “hey you there, stop living your life and come gratify me eventhough you don’t feel like it!” And to me, that is sheer arrogance.
Questioning that, I begin to realise how I had been functioning as a human being and if a human being is what I am here to learn to become or rather realise to be, I am not very loving to others especially to those whom I claim that I love, am I?
So, yes it is rightful to say that I don’t need anything (as in materials) or anyone; but it is nice to have and receive things and experiences and that would include receiving and giving of gifts and/or simply just having you around. Because if that is what you want, that is what I want; there is simply no separation. And if it isn’t true to my space at that moment, I will let you know and it will have nothing to do with you except what I am currently going through or working on in my space.
A beloved friend told me on Sunday night during dinner, “darling, you are insane.” I laughed and told her, “no, darling… I am sane and you and the rest of the world are insane. It’s a number game.” So it is also not rightful to say that I don’t need anything, because the only thing that I need is my sanity, and my sanity has much relevancy of how I relate to myself. When I know how to relate to myself, I naturally become available to the world, to my loved ones and that itself, is peace. And being open to any experiences that come my way, I am already gratified realising that it is a bonus reflecting an inner state.