From moment to moment, I am dealing with different parts of me. It is never separate. It is either me here—mind only or mind and body; or me here with another seeming separated mind or mind and body, which is apparently not me. Irrelevant which is which, there is no difference for I am still addressing me, only different parts of me. It looks like two minds, two bodies, but there is really just one. Just me.
When the daughter walks in and calls out a “mommi”, and suddenly I am addressing “me” in a mini form. And when a participant or a student calls me over the phone, or meet me over a session or a coffee, they are “me” too, the many “me”s seeking for enlightenment and clarity in their issue—my issue. And I am here too, as “me” relating to “me”s – the unenlightened parts of me – with compassion; not the kind that comes with doing, but the compassion that comes within Self, from Self, to Self, for Self. It is a full consuming unbreakable cycle from the unconditioned, to the conditioned and back once more to the unconditioned. Nothing leaves me. I am whole.
And the husband may throw a threat here and there… in a moment of forgetfulness, I think “oh my gosh, I am threatened” hence my defence comes up and whether a subtle attack in the mind, or an outer attack in form is performed, I have separated me from me and it causes me pain. Very much like chopping off my very own arm from my very own body, it is fleshly painful. And I might think it will be fun or a winning streak for me if I use a sword to slay your arm from your body, but I am only slaying my arm from my body—slaying me, hence hurting me. And if I love myself so much, why would I hurt me? And if “you” are me, why would I wish to hurt you, when you are, only me?
Yet in moments of my silence when you come forth with your questions, it is not that I do not have an answer for you. It is because I remember, what it was like, and I could never deprive you of that when you are asking for the sake of asking and not really asking. Your pain is mine because there is no boundary, no separation and I join you wherever you are. As soon as you become willing and ready to accept the invitation into my world and suddenly waking up to see how my world is also yours, I have arrived again with your arrival and that arrival is magnified a thousand folds beyond counting.
Some participants asked me in a workshop, why I am doing this, spending time with them, sharing and talking to them. They have not seen – those “me”s have not seen and it is ok. I remember what it was like. And I simply, simply told them the truth. They get puzzled and then I laugh. Because I remember, you see… and I am just so simply in love with “me”.