Journaling Truth

I watch you
Meddling with your mobile
And there is this longing somehow
Wishing that you would look up at me
And stay present to me instead

Yet in a twinkling of a moment
I remember
And I smile
Realising the fruitless possibility
That if I need to remind you
To stay present to me
In order for you to at least look at me
Then I might as well possess a ‘you’ controller
And have you as my little puppet
So I could move you here and there
Like a pawn on a seeming chessboard game

And of course
If I truly need you
To stay present to me
Because I have something to say
Or to share with you
I am aware of my entitlement to my request
Yet also mindful that your response is entirely your discretion

Don’t you see, my love
If I have to remind you
Even to answer to my request
To stay present to me
Then seriously, my love
Why not just drop the reminders
Or the requests
And do what you are doing right now

For I am trusting you, as always
If staying present to me
Is what you truly wish in this moment
You wouldn’t really need me to make the request
Or to remind you that I am right here in front of you

You’d do it anyway, you see
Without the reminders or the requests
Else it is really only saying something
About you and me in this moment
A ‘fix it’ proposition
To what is not seen behind

For what is the use of the countless reminders or requests
When it moves you away from what you wish to do
I’d just be fooling myself
When you begin to put your mobile down and look at me
Hallucinating how you do indeed wish to be present to me
Or how you are finally present to me
When at the back of the mind
What you really wish is to be doing something else

Watching you doing your thing
And doing my thing watching you
We have met somehow, you see
In commonness
Because that is the least I could do for me
That is to stay present to what is playing up in me
While watching you
How it validates you shunning me away
How it proves I am undeserving of your company
How it confirms I am so unworthy of your time
Ahh… those recurring patterns, re-emerging thoughts
Trying to steal me away from you
And you away from me
Right at this very moment
While you are one with your mobile
And yet interestingly, the struggle to be a believer or not

For since they can be true and untrue anyway
I notice I don’t really bother listening
I have seen the game so many, many times now
Yet pleasingly acknowledging the way it works
And I choose still, not to disrupt what you are doing
As my respect of what is true to you at this moment
But I love how you are too, respecting what is true to me
And that is simply being mesmerised by the sight of you
How your eyes grow smaller to watch the screen
How you scratch your nose with your long slender fingers in the midst of it
The amazed look that seems to show on your face
And all at the time my presence directed to
The inner radio playing in my head of how you should stay present to me.

And I thank God that you are doing what you are doing
So that I could do what I am doing
And that is to watch and appreciate this wondrous orchestra
All these while you are making love with your mobile
For if you had stayed present to me
I would have totally missed this awesome sight
This wonderful scenery of you and your mobile
With the creative yet recycled song that accompanies it.

Tags: appreciation, awareness, communication, conditionings, dream, innertalks, Love, mindfulness, reality, relationships, Self, selfawareness, stories, takingresponsibility