whether you like it or not, your actions contribute as conditionings to the surrounding of your Beloved. Like how the heat of the sun or the chills of the winter will affect the temperature of your body, thus your mood, your mental state – your action and inaction does the same to your Beloved.
You are definitely, already ignorant to have contributed to the hurt of your Beloved.
To deny it and to ‘lovingly remind’ your Beloved to take responsibility for the shit that comes up within her, is simply another level of ignorance.
It is likened to a situation where she has a wound in a knee and you have accidentally slapped it and caused it to bleed; and when she expresses pain in her wound, you pour acid onto the wound with your words. You may not have caused the wound, but you have definitely contributed to the worsening of it.
To acknowledge your ignorance that has contributed to the hurt, is the first step of wisdom.
To admit and participate in the healing process of the hurt of which you had contributed, is kindness.
To participate and yet neither overextending nor interfering with the necessity of the Beloved’s responsibility to own up to her processes, is respect.
It is likened to a situation where she has a wound in a knee and you have accidentally slapped the knee and caused it to bleed; and when she expresses pain in her wound, you apologize for your ignorance of not being aware of the wound and assist to bring her appropriate medication to address the wound. You may not have to clean and dress the wound for it is her responsibility to care for the wound, but you have assisted and supported the process by at least bringing medication to her. You may not have caused the wound, and you have definitely contributed to the worsening of it, but with your loving and kind participation, the wound is sure to heal beautifully.
if you want to be acknowledged for the happiness and goodness you bring to your Lover’s experiences, you must equally begin to accept the responsibility of contributing brutality, cruelty and unkindness to your Beloved’s experiences in your unconscious moments.
I assure you, that all hurt contributed by you as a Lover, is led by ignorance.
From here, you can choose to be more ignorant by denying your contribution; or you can choose to be kind and respectful instead, and participate in the healing process in togetherness.
Note that I said, to participate; I did not say, to take over or take the whole responsibility.
The wound is within her, and therefore hers to address, but if you could support her simply by being present to her, simply loving her anyway, I assure you, you will see the rebirth of something beautiful before your eyes, and by then you can also own up to announce, you have contributed to the beauty of the Beloved.
do not be afraid of the hurt of your Beloved.
for your own sake, you must, must take responsibility of your wound.
However, for the sake of togetherness, do be open to the participation of your Lover when he is willing.
Whether it is a present hurt, or a past abrasion, or a future fear – they all have their places and play where conditions permit.
Either way, the Beloved will be reinstated to her state of wellness.
The point to consider here is –
is your Beloved doing all these alone when she was promised of your assurance of support, companionship and togetherness when you both decided to journey together in the first place?
Or, can she be cushioned slightly so that she could go through her process knowing that she is not alone after all?
Is this not what Relationships are for – a loving companionship to support each other lovingly within and without, wherever possible?
Charity always, always start at home. If you cannot even extend your availability and presence to your Beloved of whom you claim to love so much, who are you kidding to help the world?
But then again, that really depends on what kind of experience you wish to have in your relationship with your Beloved. One that is nurturing and intimate －enhancing both the wellbeing of those involved and thus the relationship, or one that is so emotionally independent of each other that it actually makes no difference being in a relationship or not.
Either way, it is a choice. But if you have chosen to be in a relationship or to remain in one, for goodness sake, at least participate fully in it.