An action manifested by one can be perceived quite differently by another. For instance, if one offers to be of assistance or support to another, it may come from a space of love and joy unconditionally, that even if the answer to that offer is a ‘no’, no sense of rejection or resentment may be sown. However, if the offer came from the space of fear or guilt which makes no difference in truth, then the aftermath of each effect unfolds yet another drama, one after another.
What I would perceive as loving support from another may not be entirely the reality from the perspective of the offerer although what is important is what is in my space to address and where he comes from is irrelevant. But what I mean express in this context is that, even on the surface level, it seems as if one was offering loving support to another because of love, the true intention behind it could very well be the fear of being judged, or questioned when loving support was not offered.
For instance, a man who is outside knows that his partner is going through some emotional trauma at home, yet at the same time wishes to spend time with his friends outside; what would he choose as soon as the phone call from his partner comes to him? He may immediately offer his loving support by assuring his partner that he will be home with her, or he could honor himself and express his needs to spend time with his friends. Either way, it is an expression of love to his partner; but not necessarily the case for the man. If the man was to inquire deeply within his realm, if he had chosen to offer his loving support by being home when he actually wanted to go out with his friends, he would then realize that it was not genuine support for his partner that has resulted in his decision to go home but the fear of being questioned or the fear of any dis-ease in the relationship that he may encounter as his motivations to give up the good times he might have had with his friends. And on the other hand, his partner may think what a lovely partner she has, standing by her side during her times of trial. And much later in the relationship, when resentment starts to build within the man; the partner totally unaware; that one day should he burst, it would have very much taken his partner by surprise! As you can see here, an action albeit a simple one, is perceived differently by individuals.
The tendency for the man to blame the partner afterwards will be so so strong and it will take a lot of self awareness and integrity of his partner to see his call for love, rather than being victimized by him. Equally, it would take the same qualities and skills of self awareness and integrity not to make his partner as the scapegoat for his own guilt.
As much as a relationship doesn’t really exist except in the state of mind, it is important to address our inner world and our mirrors to a certain extent so that the relationship empowers the two people who have chosen to honor such a connection, rather than brutalizing each other mentally and emotionally. Although the brutalized situation whether mentally, emotionally or physically can also come in a form of empowerment but this usually happens when either one breaks free from the connection or relationship and start anew with another. If one does not have the wisdom to see the nature of duality then it is likely that one might hold grudges against the previous partner.
While conversing with a loved one lately, she expressed that her current husband is her teacher, as he taught her how to love as compared to her previous husband who taught her how to hate. I brought her to see, how both her husbands were indeed her teachers in equal sense, explaining that without her previous husband’s teaching of hatred, she may not have learn or appreciate what it is to love or to be loved.
While many stress how important wisdom is in one’s life as to thread a path of freedom, I’d say that the importance of self awareness, or rather mindfulness is even more important. Not that one is more important than another, but without the initial start of self awareness or mindfulness, the repercussion of wisdom or awakening may be hard to arise.
It is not about digging what has not surfaced. It is about being honest and honoring ourselves from deep within by addressing the illusionary self-made unconscious guilt that comes along with any unmanifested or manifested action.
A note: to intellectually understand that unconscious guilt is unreal is insufficient, efforts need to be made in order to fully realize and see past it. And the partial deal to realizing it is to acknowledge and accept it as it is, without judgment of any sorts. Indeed paradoxical, but ironically, that is how it works.
Blessed is a connection between two partners bearing integrity, honesty and truth as their base – who’d make the best out of their connection with each other to nurture wisdom and move towards freedom.