Interestingly, I received a ‘Happy Teacher’s Day’ message.

I’d have to admit that I had my fair share of dreaming to be like my own teachers – well loved, well received and well respected. But that was the past and I am not very inclined at the moment to revisit that memory except to say that at some point, someting just felt untrue about it. The air of being a teacher just didn’t sustain itself very long in me. I’d have to acknowledge too that to some selected few, I am being held up on a pedestal as a teacher. Yet, interestingly, there is always a tendency to remind them that I am a friend. That too, have somehow turned untrue to me now. I felt I am now, more of a comrade – someone to work with if you are really interested in working within.

The few who call upon me do ask me questions, and many a times expecting to get some sort of answers from me. What answers can I give to them, except to restructure their own questions and to redirect it back to them to arrive at their own answers? And they do get their own answers, somehow. And when they do, they are discreet about it; a little like me; because they know, and they share with me their own little liberation as means of expressing their appreciation. And it ends there.

So this person who wished me ‘Teacher’s Day’ shared with me that while he previously learned many tools from this particular teacher to unknot the mystic mind which he also learned from other sources, I apparently did something unique which was to empower him to create personal realisations out of these information learned. He shared further that as much as he now saw that I am his teacher, he also started to see why he will need to transcend through me in order for him to be his own teacher. Apparently, what I shared with him opened some doors for him and allowed him to see himself in me. It was awfully nice of him to think that way and that I was the one I did it.

I pondered a little on Teacher’s Day after receiving his message and thought that the most appropriate teacher to be grateful to ought to be Life itself. And upon pondering further, that felt untrue too as the anwer that felt truer came back towards the inner teacher, which is Godme – God&Me. No one can teach you anything. They merely share with you. You have to do the work, and Life offers that opportunity to you for your own inquiry, your own clarity and your own liberation.

No man shall be blind from what he seeks and wish to find unless what he truly wishes is not to find what he seeks.

So, am I a teacher?

Personally, I selfishly and arrogantly prefer to be labelled as a Comrade

Yet, if I am to teach anything to anyone, let it be that which directs one to Godme – the only Teacher to love, worship, cherish and respect within, and not me or anyone else. In that way, the outer conditions – the world – becomes an opportunity to learn and to be taught, from within. Then only can it be said, that it is solely yours and no one else’s.

what’s going on in here
what’s going on over there
secretly smiling
an occasional laugh
and at times, just amused
at the dreamers
of those
too many of them
talking but not walking
too few of them
walking but not talking
and many more
neither talking nor walking

naught the judge
though at times
the plaintiff
and sometimes
the defender
most times
simply the witness
or perhaps, even the jury

what is to become
what there is to become
the dreamers’ dream of being awake
dreaming it is it
the dreamers finally awaken
standing at the border
simply amazed in wonderment
and ready for those
who are finally, ready.

When you scream at me
Screech at me
Or even defend in your righteousness
By being stern with me
I will only retreat into my cave
Or throw my tantrums
Never seeing your point of view
Only wishing you hear me out
Perhaps even wishing I was dead
Because
I am only a child
I am only a child.

I am yearning for you to listen to me
To see me
The anger brewing within me
The hurt behind it all
Yet
Don’t lie to me
Don’t coax me
Just simply tell me the truth
Because I may feel better today
By your sweet honeyed words
But when I find out the truth tomorrow
I will hate you
And that will be worst
Because I have hurt even more
And I might even hate me for knowing you
Hate me for trusting you
Hate us for being like this
I am only a child, you see
I am only a child.

Force me not in my growing up
If that is what you are truly teaching me
I am only a child now
I am only a child
Learning and picking up what is in front of me
What you do
What you say
No matter how hard you try to make me grow up
I just can’t
Because
I am only a child
It is just not possible for me to see
Just not possible, beyond my time.

And it looks like
The way that you are now
Is most likely what I will become
Just another child trapped
Not listening
Not understanding
Because I am learning from a child too
And that child is you…

An object
capable of bringing me to the heights of a happy dream
or the pits of a nightmare.

Just because of your appearance
with your whims and fancy
denying my whims and fancy
suppressing what is to be
arghhh…. the struggle.

Yet you are only that
an object of attention
and what power I had given out there
inevitably
stirringly within my core
that much inner work to be done
to clean you off the slate.

Not that reciprocal thoughts never occurred
but what is the use of revenge
as if an attack out there can ever cease
when the attack is actually right in here
within the indoor stadium of the mind.

We can’t stop others from being defensive by telling people not to be defensive.

But, we can choose not to be defensive even in the presence of people who are seemingly defensive.

When we are sure of what we are defensive about, that is righteousness.

But, when we begin to question our defensiveness and the surety of our defensiveness, that is clarity and the doorway to expansion, wisdom and compassion which includes the embrace of self and others.

~ GG ~

It is only when beliefs and concepts start creeping in, that it makes the experience of loving a little harder hence propelling people to behave pretty strangely towards each other.  As if to stay away, it is possible to deny what is there; as if to stay away, it is possible to let time ‘heal’ the wound of not having; yet again, it is not about staying away or staying together. It is really about being awake to the moment, awake to the beliefs and concepts that one is still holding on in the mind that is stopping the experience of being maximal in full appreciation without guilt or regret.

Yet, does loving really stop? It doesn’t although it can be easily perceived that way.

It is really truly easier just to love, without harbouring the seeds of wanting, having, owning, judging, expecting, leaving, going. Yet, as long as there is still inner work to be done, do it for one’s own sake and not for another. What has the other got to do with all the concepts you have in the mind? The other cannot “add” to your reality. The other’s presence in your life, is ultimately only how you choose to perceive it to be and hence that becomes your reality.

Other than that, it is just as it is.

What I meant by saying they are part of your being is that there is something in those thoughts that means deeply to us – attachment.

There are some methodologies which apparently helps one such as recognition and even reciting a certain mantra. Perhaps they help to a certain extent. But in my observation and direct experience, the practice itself actually becomes a distraction of the Now moment.  In fact, it can be a form of running away from the thoughts or an experience right here and now itself. Only one who has utilized this methodology would know what I mean. It somehow has a sense of ‘robbing’ away the moment presented to us, Now. Perhaps this can be said to be more of a useful practice when one is meditating in a formal seated posture without distraction.

Before I come closer to sharing what we could actually do with thoughts, I would actually suggest an essential step of non-resistance. I notice, as much as suffering can come from believing in thoughts, it can also come from resisting them. When this propels further, intense emotions tend to come on even stronger because of the ignoring attitude, until one has no choice but to break up in rage, or break down in depression – whichever way, there is no difference in the underlying cause of these emotions aside from the definition of each.

Dealing with thoughts is really facing them. What I mean by facing them, is to really listen attentively or write them down and begin the journey of inquiry of each thought which almost always direct it back to the self. The trick here is to do it with the pure intent of really wanting to know the truth, rather than wanting to reinstate oneself to a feel-good state of mind. I have observed that many fall into the category of the latter and for that, they give up the whole inquiry process altogether only to find that they get upset again when the same category of thoughts arise when similar situations happen. Some even find resistance in this methodology due to some other beliefs that they have earlier acquired in their own practice of awakening. As much as I believe there are many ways to skin a cat, this methodology seems to nail the cause which results in a natural effortless change in a person as opposed to conscious effort to change towards a more favourable concept. The former is a natural shift in beingness, the latter is more a mimicking, or conditioning towards that.

There is a difference in natural shift and conditioning. A natural shift comes about from a true realized state, whereas conditioning is part of what is trained, or made habitual out of repetitive reinforcement. Either way is perfect, except that the natural shift of change, in my personal opinion, is something authentic as it arises naturally whereas the latter is like cloning.

Self inquiry takes a lot of courage and it can be pretty scary because self inquiry takes you into a world away from what you already know through the apparent ‘morbidity’ of your thoughts – into the unknown where no one else can fit into, but you yourself.

While it is true that thoughts causes separation, yet each thought that arises, as long as you are affected by it (and only one knows whether it does or not), you could work towards understanding what they are pointing towards and it always, always comes back to you, and you alone. While some thoughts may be scary, some may hurt, and some even threaten, yet when you sincerely sit down and work with them, is there a possibility to be awaken to what you have been hiding from yourself all these while – your own freedom.

I observe that it is hard to break free from the so-called Spiritual or Wisdom Teachers. And the best part is that the so-called Spiritual Teachers don’t really have the heart to encourage that breaking free from them too (Darn strange.. how is that even possible?).

So, it is a game that two or more plays. Maybe the student is not ready (really?), maybe the student needs the teacher (really?) or could it also be possible that the teachers are needing the students to be feeding something else? Well, I don’t know. And none of my business. I am just doing my part here sharing a piece for all those who are still doubting themselves and failing to come to terms with themselves out of their so-called ‘love’ for their so-called Spiritual or Wisdom Teachers (no offence, teachers, just doing my job here), still an external factor.

Forget about Love, Oneness, Compassion or even Wisdom. Seriously. Just simply, Clarity be unto All. Have fun!

But when communication in your relationship
becomes careless and shoddy,
when time is not taken for one-to-one intimacy,
your relationship becomes a shell
in which you both hide.

Energy and commitment disappear from your union,
and sex becomes an act of physical betrayal.

It is not surprising then that one or both of you
may look outside the relationship for satisfaction.

Infidelity is a symptom of your emotional disconnection
from each other.

Unfortunately, it involves another person in the dynamics
and makes it more difficult
for healing and reconciliation to take place.

- Paul Ferrini

When you refuse to move when you are supposed to
Life throws you situations just so you can move.

Really, it’s nothing personal.

It is just the way it works so that you could get moving along with Life, freely.