2010, December 27

Perhaps it is not what I think at all. All I thought that was or is, all that has shown and proved to support what I think it is when in truth it isn’t what it is. Yet, why would I create evidence to support what I want to hear what I want to see when it is only an illusion as it really is? If I was to choose one illusion real whilst others otherwise, how am I still not delusional hiding behind from that I am still not willing to see?

But, if it is not meant that way, how could it have happened that way? But how could it not have happened exactly how it happened when it is exactly how I willed it to, to hammer myself deeper into the dream wishing not to be awaken; only dreaming that I am awaken, experiencing… when in truth I am still in a dream, still the dreamer?

If it is not it, then take it away. If it is, then let it come. And it comes and it goes, depending on my will – so who else is playing there? Or is it just me, and my silly little game? And if I am playing my silly little game, how real can it be? How can there be others?

Let me see only the truth. And in the nothingness of its truth, let me realise that there is nothing. Show me how insidious I have been so that I may return to only innocence. Let me be purified, again and again, so that I may reign the Kingdom – the Kingdom that is rightfully mine, as One.