Loving you is not a choice, I just do. When I don’t believe you when you tell me that you love me, it is because I have not come to terms with myself. First there are those concepts that I’d have to undo, and then I am born again, into the awareness of love. Although I say this as if referring to the love of self, but it is in truth, beyond that. I can’t help it. It just happens. And when that happens, there is no choice; I just love you, because you are in the awareness of love. You are part of it, and hence, I love you.
I love you, is not about “I” love “you” although it seems to be communicated that way in perception. It is like when I look at the body, parts of the body; for instance, my fingers; I look at it, and realise that yes, I love it… I don’t really have a choice. How the fingers are curved at certain angles, how it is shaped and it doesn’t matter, I just love it – realising, that although it is not me, yet recognising that they are parts and puzzles of love – I just love; and it is the same when I look at you. It is not separated. We are in the womb of love, just that we didn’t know.
The state of love remains constant, and is always, always unwavering. It is only when I am oblivious to it, then I will not see or taste it. It is like, when I do not give my awareness to my fingers, I am not aware that they are there, and then I thought that I do not love them because I do not see them, as I am unaware. But when I take a closer look, paying attention to them, I’d realise that I love them anyway and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And you are no different from my fingers, my face or me… When I am in love, you are roped into it, because you are part of it. And when I say ‘in love’, I am not meaning the perception of falling in love, but that I am in the womb of love, and it encompasses all and because you are part of it, I have to love you. It is natural, and what is nature is not given a choice.
So I could try as much as I can, but I really can’t do anything about it. I just love you, because I am aware of you, present to you. Even when you are not physically around, and my thoughts are on you, I am already aware of you, present to you, loving you. Nothing escapes me because you are part of me, and we are not separated. When I say that you are part of me, I am also not meaning to say that you are part of this body of which I used to think was me, but part of a whole bigger picture; unseen.
Now I know, that you love me too. When I enter into a restaurant with the intent of having breakfast, I know that everybody else there loves me too; and like what Byron Katie shares, I just don’t expect anyone to realise it yet, and I understand that; because I have been there too, in separation.
It is not about loving me or you, or trying to love me or you – because that is not possible. But when I am aware of what separates or blocks me from the awareness of love, I am back to the state of love, and it is not a choice. It just happens. So when I love you, it is not a choice though my expression can be a choice. I can try to separate from you, and tell you that it is my qualities that I perceived in you that results in my loving you, but that too, is not true. Because we are not separated. You are my fingers, my heart, my hair, my everything… We are one, swimming in the womb of love; each a drop, all part of an ocean.
So if you don’t believe that I love you, trust that it is not that I don’t love you, but just that you are not aware of yourself right now. And you don’t need to ponder or try to believe whether it is true or not that I love you. You just have to work on yourself to arrive at that realisation, that you are love, because you are swimming in it. When you meet me again, you will find that you can finally believe me when I tell you that I love you not because you have done something to make me feel that way. It is just you, and simply because I do, and there is nothing you or I can do about it; because you realised that you love me too, and there just isn’t any choice in it. You just do. There is no way of working in or out of it. It just is. And, you will have no choice too, but to be it.