When I started my inward journey with constant efforts and willing inner work which included self-awareness, self-observation and self-inquiry, I soon realized that these qualities became pretty much a natural process unfolding during times of trigger. One by one, closed ones whom I was once and some, still pretty much attached to soon by now, do not require much effort to reflect inwards. To some extent, it had become a second nature to me. Taking responsibility became from a “doing” to an effortless quality that has become part of the practice. Although it can never be immediate all the time, but the time span to begin the self reflection process becomes increasingly shorter.
So I think I am somewhat free or rather have achieved a certain self sustainable level being able to stand in my own space of integrity, loving me. The truth is, I am still far far away from it.
Recently, or actually not-so-recently, I realized that it was pretty hard to reflect inwards when it came to a particular person. It’s as if there is a sort of indulgence that accompanied the story which kept me toggling between what is real, and what is illusionary. The strength to do inner work seems weakened when it came to this particular person, as if this someone out there is really real. My Darling reminded me that the spiritual journey is never quite linear, and lessons come to us harder and more difficult compared to what we have handled before – for that is necessary for our growth; very much like heading towards an advance class.
The tests come in harder because there will be lots more distractions, lots more bewilderment. And because there are others involved, it is so important to deal with it cautiously and compassionately. ‘It’ means my perceived thoughts, feelings and actions and another’s perceived thoughts, feelings and actions. While it is beyond my control the outcome of the journey of the other; but for the Love of Peace, and Love itself, I can choose to; whilst continuously taking responsibility for myself and do my inner work; to work with the other so that the outcome may consequent to a heightened level of wisdom accompanying deep mutual respect and love for one another without any element of defilement or limitations.
Lesson of the day: Salvation is my only function here. So what is the use of multiplying the layers of what is not real, and to indulge in what may only be a figment of our imagination? It only hurts because I am thinking I need to let go of what was never mine to begin with; having to go back to the painful veil all by myself without anyone there supporting me.
But hasn’t that already become second nature – the inner work, you’d ask? So it has come to another entry level of pain, a deeper layer to unfold or undo so to speak.