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Elevated Anatomy

Memory can only help me remember
how it all started
from the beginning
until right now to what it is.

Yet I can never be certain
what it was
that prompted the beginning
until right now to what it is.

To vindicate
to dissect
all those moments that come to be
as if unworthy of them, unconditionally.

Was it wishful thinking at cause
a conscious choice of choosing
a certain kind of resonance
or perhaps some sort of serendipity?

I am honest to admit
I cannot tell at all;
and if I had spoken before
anything that I did or could come up with
would simply be excuses
to justify them all.

I wish I could ignore
this incessant thirst to know why;
how the meeting began
the hallucinating of how it might end
not only that
the reasoning of reasons,
of how it could or should sustain
or perhaps not…

What is to become of me
at the final end;
would it be a pleasing climax
or yet another daunting finale?

How will I know
what is beyond my jurisdiction
this mysterious yet familiar power
that could overwhelm me like this…

All because
all because
the ground seems to be
losing grip of me.

All because
all because
the unknown begetting an unchartered territory
yet to be explored…

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Tell Me, Already

You bellow me with sweet words
afraid of my downfalling
into the myriad of emotions
that had me drown in before.

Building my make belief
that protection is what you are giving me
it did look like tender love, you know
in that strong and warm façade.

Yet, has that all changed now?
my trust in you – all these years
believing that we had grown
and possibly moulded into one?

Or had it actually been just a mirage
that only I alone possess?
oh how awful, this passing nightmare
this tormenting confusion!

What do I do now? Where do I go?
oh beloved, would you know how much this means to me!
triggered by unexpected knowledge
uncontrollable outburst and scattered pieces
evident of my illusive control – Loss!

Is it really me that has caused your misery
or is it you who could no longer bear the lie?
can I trust you once more, my darlin’?
only this time, to finally tell me the truth?

Decisively free me from my illusions, please
that you too, had ignorantly put in place
show me where else darkness had been, albeit unknowingly
so that the mist can finally disappear.

So that, I, can finally awake.

*inspired by the witnessing of integrity at work*

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Here, Now and Available

My beloved,
I am so glad
that you are here with me
taking my hand
laying your head next to mine,
and murmuring the words ‘I love you’.

Yet, my gladness comes to be,
not because you are here with me
nor because you took my hand
nor because you laid your head next to mine,
nor because you murmured the words ‘I love you.

That would be a lie,
of how you are the one in charge
of my feelings of gladness
of the intimate ecstasy I experience
at this given moment;
how dreadful that would be
on the mind and shoulders of my beloved!

For you see, my love
I am the one who is glad ~
that I am Here with you,
Now and Available in this moment;
to witness how you took my hand
to have your head laid next to mine
to hear you murmur the words ‘I love you’;
Just simply Here,
Now and Available,
for this moment, with You in it.

Simply open, present and free,
to celebrate NOW, in this moment;
how beautiful my mind is, projected onto you
making you so wonderful
making your every movement delightful
making the every word that comes out from you loving;
so so enchanting, mesmerizing and captivating…

Oh, how blessed and glorified I Am,
to be Here, Now and Available;
In this splendour of a moment
Me and You, together;
or perhaps, just Me…
and that’ll do, for Now.

* Dedicated to the Beloveds, TT & MH *

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Recollecting Freedom

What I am about to tell you
is not any different.

You have heard before,
seen before,
thought before,
and perhaps even spoke before;
I AM just no longer, a surprise.

In any case, my role
simply a reminder for now –
You are, no truer than this,
And you are, no falser than that.

Simply but a figure in a painting,
‘fated’, scripted;
truly important enough,
without which the story reckoned, incomplete.

How hilarious, this paradox of fictitiousness,
entirely obliged to be authentic and real!
Yet, at the end of the day finally realising,
true freedom really, is no freedom at all.

A Prayer for Innocence

Such madness
pervading the innocent
of shame, guilt and fear.

Killing hearts of lambs
overrunning, overflowing;
how odd its power over one
from once such openness
to now, a shut closed door.

How much does it take
planning but all a scheming?
Where then space for Spirit
residing, awaiting for its call.

True that abiding thoughts
true that menacing feelings
pulling along, all that’s by the way
into the sea of confusion.

Oh Good Lord Within,
Your Grace upon all!
Spare the innocent!
Curb the ignorance!
So what was never lost
be reinstated in clarity.

Guide the lies to Truth!
Guide the hurt to Love!
That Serenity once again, bestowed
back into the Heart of Innocence.

~Written in November, 2014~

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this is such an experience
sitting beside you here
in this grand hall of Lick Hung School
waiting for the possibility
of your name to be called.

The hall is in a mess,
with parents, teachers, volunteers
each trying to serve their best interest
managing their other children, the students and the event
liken the atmosphere of a wet market
just perhaps 10 folds more.

The sound from the microphone,
adding to the atmospheric noise
calling out names after names
while we held each other leisurely
arms around each other
planting kisses on each other’s faces
just for the fun of it.

Out of a sudden,
I noticed your hair messy
I opened my bag and took out our wooden comb
you noticed what I was doing
you turned your back against me
as if getting the message of what I am about to do.

I removed the black rubber band from your hair,
your hair fell frivolously
I started combing your hair
and noticed you started reading the book you brought.

Each stroke of your hair, I noticed
as the bizarre noise continues
suddenly, there was a void
like Time stood still for us
as if, in that whole spinning environment
that moment existed
only for you and me.
I wish I could tell you how magical it was
you, me, your hair and the comb…
as if nothing else existed
~Just the Lover and the Beloved~

After your hair was done,
you turned around and asked me
‘Mommi, what if I don’t win anything?’
suddenly revealing your anxiousness.

Noticing your insecurity,
I answered politely
‘So what if you don’t win?’
purposefully instigating thought.

You turned your lips downwards,
and then shrugged your little shoulders
while munching the peanut butter jelly sandwich
I packed for you earlier this morning.

So, you didn’t win an individual title.

And I said to you, ‘it’s ok.’
you looked up at me
surprised at my response
waiting for more to be uttered.

And I say to you, my dearest
‘What matters most is the experience.’
‘This is your first time,’ I explained
‘so you don’t really know what to expect.
‘The next time if you are ever nominated again, you will be better prepared.’

You nodded your head in silence.
Probably relieved
I did not a pull a ‘I told you so’ stunt.

Yet, Mommi being the cheeky Mom,
I just had to add to it
‘now you know why mommi always asks you to do extra math work?’

You looked at me with a smirk,
and rolled your eyes cheekily
reflecting my own cheekiness
with acceptance of not winning.

Still, I am proud of you,
and words and actions cannot be enough
to describe how wonderful you truly are anyway,
whether you win or not win at all.

Because my darling baby girl,
when you no longer need a reason to win
when you no longer bother if you win
when you realize you win even when you lose
that’s when you have finally truly won.

And I show you this piece of expression
after proofreading the above paragraphs.

I see with my own eyes
how your eyes open up
how those lips curved to a smile
thinking you must feel heartwarmed
having such a romantic Mommi.

I asked you if you understood it
Alas, how you answered me!
Without a second thought
and with a sassy grin
you shook your head and said,
‘No, mommi I don’t.’

In shock, I looked disbelieved
in response, you giggled like a champ
and then I squint my wide round eyes
and we both hugged as winners do.

*written on 23/11/2014 @ 11:45am*

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Fading Shadow

image credit to tedhelard.blogspot.com

image credit to tedhelard.blogspot.com

I was,
like still water;
undisturbed, unperturbed.

You were,
like a sudden pebble tossed into water
causing continuous ripples upon tranquillity.

A movement initiated
for the loving quest for Truth
oh, what a sweet endeavour
surrounded also, by enduring Love.

Healing and humour
all wrapped up in bundles
perpetual releases following forgiveness
clearing baggages – can it be otherwise?
at the end, light and free
with clarity heeding way.

I pointed, you looked.
You spoke, I looked.
Both finally revealed; how we chuckled at the end.

Indeed a splendour completion
in each of its process
moving on weightlessly
in graceful generosity.

Honoured, I am
to have been chosen selectively
a comrade, a buddy
no more, no less.

Yet, strangely a fading shadow I shall be
almost gone unnoticed
perhaps someday forgotten
for a task completed, a role no longer needed.

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A Dance with Light

with earphones secured
song on repeat,
dancing inside, an owned world;
incredibly and totally,
immersed and absorbed.

occasionally, peeping out
for errands to be addressed
maybe a few words to be exchanged;
yet never, not once – leaving its core.

ecstatically wholesome
oh, what sensuous joy,
luxuriating in such momentum
oh, what stupor delight…

Light residing in heart
illuminating mind;
so bright, so clear, so whole,
so full, so complete,
so, so… indescribable…

can you see me, Love

my inner world dancing…
Just For You…

*inspired by a visiting Light in the night*

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Going By

Sadness does not mean need
Missing does not mean want
Because what it entails
Is simply an experience lost or gone.

Accompanied by an imagination of none
That can be found in future
Yet who am I to conclude
Who am I to judge?

The dance of the One
Who plays its puppets to its whims and fancies.

Each beholding a faithful servant
As Masters of each own
Deciding which ‘version states’ to participate
Therein lies the choice.

One period may be roast beef
Another, possibly chicken stew
Perhaps, what comes next
Simply a vegetarian dish
That many long for but can never obtain.

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Love without defilements adheres to the every wish of the Beloved ~ without question, without qualms.

~ GG ~

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