There was this day after a certain appointment, I walked around the shopping complex desiring not to head home to spend time with my family as I normally would. I strolled around aimlessly in the complex, as if contented just to be with myself or rather, with God. I looked around me and the people who were walking pass me, behind me, ahead of me, beside me; doing their own thing, saying their own thing – hand in hand, eating, talking on the mobile, kissing their children and etc – suddenly, I felt as if I was in heaven. I saw not people, but my brothers and sisters in light. I saw them enjoying their moments, their experiences as mundane or as meaningless as it can be. Some enjoying company with friends, some walking around aimlessly just like me, some pacing a little faster than another… it was beautiful. It was as if, they were not strangers, and that I knew them. And there was a feeling of warmness or coziness that accompanied it.
That heavenly state brought me to a state of bliss that cannot really be explained or defined in words; except to use the word ‘bliss’ as the closest description of it. There was a sense of freedom, joy and lightness that accompanied the experience, and that moment lasted as long as it could until worldly perceptions, concepts and ideas came into place. And by this, I meant to say that, that state was interrupted by a phone call of ‘where are you? when are you coming home?’
Naturally, the state of mind changed, and suddenly I am back to ‘reality’ – paying the car ticket, traffic jam, cars, rain… and when I step into the house it was ‘hi mommi’, ‘hi honnee bunnee’, ‘hi ma’am’. The recognition of light became the recognition of bodies, of form, or more true – labels and concepts.
I realized that when I did not see my partner as my husband, or my daughter as my child, or my dad as my father, or my mom as my mother, I feel a sense of freedom. But the minute the label hits the consciousness of my awareness, the rules and obligations of a certain role or function come into play. In truth, there is not really a difference; but yet those labels do a certain bondage to the mind.
The other day I had a chat with my dad who was disturbed by a certain outcome from a situation. I could practically feel the stress in trying to bring him to an understanding directed from an intention to convince, rather than to simply express precision to the situation; also, from my perception. And after a while, as if something took over as I surrendered my perception of my dad, I saw him not as a father, but of a man with essence, or rather the light within him. Much sense of peace and joy rode over. As soon as my judgment of my dad and his situation was released, he calmed down too, as if synchronizing with my state of mind. My earlier judgment of him had resulted in my seeing him as stubborn, as irritated; and my later surrendering of that very judgment or perception allowed me the experience of seeing him for him, just loving him in that very moment regardless of what he was saying.
So it is true that there are indeed no labels, concepts needed for a loving moment with another or anything. In fact, I sometimes get confused with my own name, one reason being given too many nicknames. But I recognized the name not of me, but yet I know the name given me – whatever it is – is merely for someone to address me amongst others when I am in a crowd. How else would I know that my attention is needed?
A teacher has mentioned that we are pure light, yet due to where we are in this so-called ‘reality’, we can’t really run away from concepts or labels due to the deep meaning we all give it too. Yet, taking away those labels and concepts which are men made, we are totally free.
I was expressing to a beloved today that I do not recognize his form, yet I know that it is him. It is as if, the physical body is just a vessel, like a robot (corpse may actually be too harsh a word) being maneuvered by him for expression. Of course, ‘him’ or in fact anyone for that matter may very well be just a bundle of ideas; but I am speaking of something else here which is beyond ideas that I am recognizing – an essence. And the truth is, essence itself has no qualities in it. Still, there is a sense of familiarity and acquaintance which is recognizable. Qualities are merely ideas.
As I witness my brothers and sisters in light, being from a stall owner to a beggar at the night market yesterday, I marvel with joy at their experiences. There was no longer sense of pity, or even compassion that arises in that space if I may sound a little heartless to one who has been conditioned by ideas not questioned by him or her.
‘We are still here’ someone told me. While that is somewhat true, but once there are glimpses of truth, we can’t shake the truth out of our system. No wonder, many do not dare tread on the path of spirituality. Perhaps, they already knew and yet unwilling to let go of what is unreal and what cannot belong to them.