At some point in Life, we realize that we can never influence what others think no matter how much we try unless and until they buy into our idea – that is, what we were sharing at that moment in time. When they buy into our idea however, it is clearly their own doing and has entirely nothing to do with us.
But soon, we realize that whatever we say or do somehow do carry some weight to the direction or decision another makes in his or her life path. But that direction headed or decision made still, has nothing to do with us, but their own independence and willingness.
I had a chat with my teacher 8 days ago about the fasting process which I dropped. Not that he influenced me or anything like that, but he was merely sharing from his own perspective about the whole process. By evening, without much procrastination, I decided that I would restart the fasting process again for 7 days; which I had successfully completed today. When I was asked why I started fasting again, I couldn’t deny that my teacher had a role to play in it, but in all honesty, I did it for myself and no one else – not ignorantly being influenced by anyone or anything.
When we are conversing with someone, we share our experiences, ideas or views somehow intuitively knowing that if that someone was to have an alternative perspective of looking at things, that perspective itself could very well liberate or bring joy and peace to his beingness. Having said that, it is also important to understand that the acceptance of this someone of the idea which we share is beyond our control and is never our doing or responsibility. So it is like… each of our sharing is like a special key, designed specifically for an independent moment on its own. During the sharing, the key is already presented to the driver, or sometimes even put into the ignition. But in order to start the engine running, it is still dependent on the driver to twist the key.
Accompanying these kind of selfless sharing I would call it, do require a certain level of wisdom and skill. With wisdom, we understand that we simply convey the message, not in any way convince; with skill, the sharing is cushioned with love, support and compassion instead of an I-know-better-than-you kind of approach.
It is interesting to note that I myself came to this point from a cycle. I used to share because I simply loved to talk (can’t deny that I still love that though)! And then I realized that I got offended when what I shared was not accepted; because I ‘wanted’ that someone to ‘accept’ my ideas and live a better life! And then I went to shutting up (even when I still loved to talk) because I strongly believed that I could never influence the way people think anyway, so what is there to talk or share? And finally, I arrive to understand how it is important to share wise-fully, skillfully and lovingly – not only for the love of talking (I mean, in my case) but also for the wellbeing of others. To add on to how it serves me, it always boils down to my own intention of talking or sharing – out of fear, or simply Love.
My teacher was telling me this afternoon that like it or not, we are all interdependent. We are independent, yet interdependent. We do certain things because someone else asks or invites us to do so, but it is never for them that we are doing it for. A little ironic and paradoxical, yet so true.