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Conditional Love

The closest someone could ever experience Unconditional Love, in my perception, is Mother’s Love.

They say that Mother’s Love is Unconditional. I’d say that it is conditional – for it is because you are my child, that I love you – and that is conditional. This, I realised 1.5 years ago from the wise sharing of Angel. 🙂

I remember a monk once told me when I visited the Chetawan Temple – the Buddha said, ‘A woman will only know what is true love, when she has her own child’. Of course, I am not sure if these are the exact words. I can’t even remember if these were the exact words I heard – but it was what the mind understood it to be.

I drove passed F’s house and noticed that his car was in hence the decision to dropped by to just to say hi. We chatted for a while and I casually asked a question about his girlfriend which he revealed that he was trying to get away from because she couldn’t cook, she doesn’t work, enjoys life too much and blah blah blah… in short, she is not a hardworker, like him. And the word struck me – conditional. She had to be this and that, in order for him to fully accept her into his life. Just to brief, they were on some cooling off period recently because F had lots in his mind – which he admitted had nothing to do with her. Because he couldn’t handle himself, he shut her out, showing anger towards her whenever she called. She could not understand why, so she respected his request to be left alone and prayed for him, wishing him well. And then one day, she called me and shared with me that he finally met up with her and that they were fine. So I thought things must be going well for him.

The day I saw F was a week from the time she called, and by then he was already reacting differently. I didn’t get it. But of course, I also understand that whatever that I was interpreting may not be what it actually was. For all I know, nothing is going on and he was just talking.

However, it hurt when he mentioned in the middle of the conversation, “if you know how to put me as important, then I will know how to make you important.” or something like that… So… it is back to ‘What’s in it for me?’

It hurt because it was reflecting what I still had not resolved within myself – conditional love – always, always linked to a sense of belonging and a needing for approval.

Why do we, so often, behave a certain way, say certain things or whatever – unable to fully be our own authentic self – so to be loved and accepted by another? Why do we, so often, expect people to behave in a certain way, do or say certain things, so that we could accept and love them? Who are we then accepting and loving? It is truly that person, for who he or she truly is? Or is it our ideas of that person, of who he or she should be? We say this, “at the very least she/he/you can be…/ could be…/ should be…”; and the Master says, “isn’t that also, a condition?”

Can we truly love unconditionally? I see possibilities when we release our baggages/ideas that creates an illusion of someone or something out there, together with an open heart. 🙂  I am fortunate to have experience glimpses of unconditional love and here I mean strangers and things all around – the waiter who is making coffee behind the counter, the man who sweeps by the roadside, the switch plug (is this what it’s call?) on the wall, the fan spinning from the ceiling… all whom and what I do not know. I was loving them without meaning.. they were all just beautiful!! And it was a splendid, splendid feeling…  🙂

And, it’s important to highlight too – when I am pissed off with someone because he/she loves with conditions, I realise that by my imposing my unconditional love onto another; I too, had placed a condition upon him/her.

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