If we have truly tasted even a hint of self love, it is unlikely that we would allow ourselves to be reliant on love from another. I am not saying in the context where we stop others from loving us, or stop loving others; because that is in fact quite impossible and beyond our control. I am speaking more of self sustenance, without being affected or moved by another’s words, actions, behavior or perception of us – good or bad; pleasant or unpleasant.
And if we have savored a tinge of self acceptance, it is too, not likely that we would not accept others as they are, or fear if others will not accept us. There is no way because everything that revolves around us, is of us. It will come to a point, where we project others already accepting of us, or that we are simply at peace in our own beingness even when others find it hard to accept us. Again, we would not be affected or moved by another’s words, actions, behavior or perception of us – good or bad; pleasant or unpleasant.
We think we can fall in love with someone; or have someone fall in love with us. It is really, just an illusion and an occurrence when the mind is in the state of lack, hence in need of something to fulfill its deficit. Because we love stories, that is how the stories begin – the He and the She, the He and the He, or the She and She; as one ignorantly or intuitively picks up another as a resonating symbol.
The Hes and the Shes we invite to be in relationships with are merely symbols of our inner states; each symbol deferring from one another and dependant on one’s perceived need or lack, also relevant to waving states of the mind. One minute, I need you – so I don’t want another; another minute, I don’t want you – because I need someone else. Depending on my need at that point in time, I am calling out sustenance from different symbols, expecting them to fill up my empty tank.
When the symbol in the mind is not fulfilling my need, I may feel hurt or anger towards this person who bears the symbol; and when the symbol in the mind is fulfilling my need, I may feel that I am in love with this person who bears the symbol. Over and over, we allow ourselves to be in a state of self betrayal, failing to recognize that it is those very qualities in these ‘symbols’ that we need to acknowledge within ourselves, or give ourselves. Again and again, we find ourselves in a repeated cycle, not being able to transcend the symbols to reclaim ourselves, thus recurring our sufferings.
In truth, I love no one, other than myself. In truth, no one loves me, other than him or herself. Although I’d like to think that he or she loves me, and he’d like to think that I love him or her – it is not possible in the overwhelming sea of defilements. When I don’t have need that needs to be fulfilled by you, I will notice that I don’t really need you to be around; when I have a need in which I perceive only you can fulfill, I claw onto you like an eagle to its prey. This happens the other way round too; never excluding anyone who fails to see that it is he himself who needs to fulfill his own need – of understanding and acceptance – with love and compassion – in reclaiming self.
When will this sickening game ever end? Can it ever end? Until then, the symbols remain; but once transcended – not only the other person is free, so am I. There lingers only pure acceptance and appreciation of what can be experienced as unconditional love.