Today I bumped into a dear one during breakfast, whilst waiting for another dear one to arrive. Unfortunately, the dear one whom I had an appointment with did not turn up because the dear one whom I bumped into turned up. During breakfast, he asked me, “so how are you? Long time no see.” It was comical because he lives just behind my house and we hardly physically meet each other. I teasingly joked, “how do you know that I do not see you every night?” and his reply was, “hrmf, where got… never come see me also… no need come see me lah… whatever it is… NOMFB – None of My F*%king Business!”
I smirked a sheepish smile, again being wooed by the wisdom of NOMFB. But when he went on and went complaining how no one cares for him and thus he should not care for another as much, I begin to recognize an ancient pattern of ignorance – resignation, instead of right understanding which led to the NOMFB attitude.
NOMFB is indeed a very powerful idea that could bring peace to our inner being provided that it is from the space of wisdom, from the right understanding and right perceptive. Many a times, when we are caring for someone – be it a parent, a partner, a friend, a sibling, a child – we tend to get carried away and start to overextend ourselves. Over-extend here means, making decisions for others when others are supposed to make decisions for themselves; and the simple opposite of this is under-extension where when we are to make our own decisions but give away our power for others to do so. In both extremes is a form of self-betrayal, not taking full responsibility of oneself. We either take away other’s power or simply give away our power to others. It’s the same thing only that the pendulum is swinging from one end to another repeatedly, in ceaseless ignorance.
To finally arrive at a place where we stand in our own space neither over-extending nor under-extending ourselves is to be at peace with ourselves with wisdom as its root. However, to arrive at NOMFB due to resignation is ignorance at work. In a resignation mentality of ‘NOMFB’ lays more of a ‘I-give-up’ state of mind, rather than out of the right understanding. What peace could there be, except resentment towards the world, always in defense of oneself, weary of attacks coming on. This is a quality necessary to be recognized and thereafter transcended in order to be at peace with oneself and the world.
There can be much wisdom in NOMFB. Of course, we may omit the ‘F’ word if you will, but it is all the same. If I am truly standing in my space, taking responsibility of and for myself, trusting myself; I can bless you with that too… to trust you to unfold your own journey without my interference, my ideas and my expectations. Although it may seem daunting for those who are finally ‘released’ from another’s hold of overextension, the under-extended brother will eventually learn to rise up to his own integrity and true self.
Without minding your business, I am free to love and accept you freely. I am able to be more present and to support you in journey in a loving way. If I don’t mind your business, it is not because I don’t care; it is because I care too much and understand that in order for you to grow, you will have to do the walking; without me carrying you. And without my constant watch over you, you are free to grow your wings and to rise up to your own greatness.
Wouldn’t we like to be blessed with such freedom to grow? Wouldn’t we like to bless others with such freedom to grow? Letting go from the space of wisdom leads to freedom, where else letting go from the space of ignorance only further binds the meanings or expectations that is already instilled in the mind. Which would you prefer? Freedom, or bondage?