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Do I have a Choice?

Do I have a Choice? Yes and No. I like to think that I have choices – choice of colors, choice of the types of TV I’d like to buy, choice of careers, choice of mental states. But the truth is also this – I don’t have a choice.

I only have a choice when I don’t know what I want. When I know what I want, I will be left with no choice, except with what I want.

Take for example – if I am in an unforgiving state, and I pick out an angel card that tells me, “Choose Peace”, I can be sure that if that is not what I want at that moment, I will have no choice but to continue to be in an unforgiving, resentful state; until I decide that I want to be peaceful, then will I choose peace and start embarking on what is necessary.

When one of my teachers finally told me “surrender the choice”, I looked at him blankly and asked, “what do you mean?” He laughed and explained, “when you surrender the choice, who are you left with?” and I said, “myself”, and he said, “when you are left with only yourself, and you know what you want, is there any choice in it?” It was indeed very profound and I was dumbfounded by this truth. When I later experimented this truth, it was indeed so true to the core of my being – that it was when I didn’t know or wasn’t sure what it was that I wanted, I am in a delusion to even think that I have a choice; but the moment I knew what I wanted, I would be left with no choice but what I wanted.

On another level, why we don’t have choices is because of the ingrained ideas that we already sow in the mind. When I have an idea that I prefer a cat as a pet, there is no way that I would choose a dog as a preference unless I made a conscious choice to make a different choice from a previous decision that I would have made. So it seems again, that I might have a choice here – to fully adapt or be a puppet to an ingrained idea, or to opt for a different experience outside an ingrained idea – but the truth is this, a choice to choose a dog over a cat is also an idea – and do you know what would have us make that choice? It is because we want to – so that leaves us with no choice too!

Choices are available to allow us to ponder deeply what is it that we truly want, or rather, what resonates intensely in our hearts. No qualms about that. When my partner asked me quite some time ago what is my dream car, I gave him a whole list of possible vehicles in the market from a Perodua Viva, to an Alfa Romeo GTV (old type) to an Audi TT. He scratched and shook his head often not being able to grasp the criteria of an ideal car for me. Apparently, everyone has some idea of what type of dream car they would want, except me! I told him that the vehicle would be something which makes me tick on the first sight of it, that I would know it belongs to me and vice versa, and no other way. Soon enough, I saw her (as in my current car) and fell in love with her almost instantly. See, I had no choice!

I rejoice in the truth of this. When I know I have a choice, I am only faced with a situation where I am then unsure again of what I want. Do I welcome it? Why not? But the choices do not define me or what I am. If I choose to be an accountant, it will not be because I love numbers, or that I am a meticulous person – but simply, because I want to; and my number one criteria is that it must resonate with my being, it must give me joy. See, no choice again! Now, this is freedom!

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