Impersonally Personal

At a deeper level, if one is able to see that all are but workings of the mind, that we are constantly being pulled by the nose; one has awaken to reality at least for that moment. Everything is mind-related -ideas. It sounds impersonal and yet it can get so personal because we tend to immerse ourselves into the thoughts presented to us by unquestioned ideas so quickly and blindly, without much awareness.

A loved one earlier commented when I was sharing a revelation I got from my recent experience of betrayal and abandonment, that I was able to see it through so quickly. While I cannot say that it is totally dissolved, but it seems that taking the step to just be aware of it, in other words be with it; rather than react, blame or find a scapegoat somehow set a different course for the mind. A form of undoing was being done, albeit in layers.

It is as if the mind goes into a transition state, not knowing what to do, hence translated to a feeling of being in a daze, lost or disorientation after our non-doing by being with it, whatever state of mind or feelings that arise as effects. Much like a pot filled full with dust and suddenly smashed, allowing the dust to dissipate into the air and then disappear all by itself.

I begin to see a deeper meaning to the word ‘Atonement’ and the results of it. While a friend shared a year ago that her meaning of Atonement meant some formless of a thing is facilitating an undoing process in the mind, a wise teacher of mine recently shared that ‘Atonement’ means being in the moment. I did not understand both but wondered for a while what relevance the two meanings given me for the meaninglessness of words can bring one who has never experienced such to a state of confusion.

The recent experience I had allowed me to see how being in the moment amidst the pain and torment without judgment or reacting to it called for a form of undoing. It is as if a certain fixed pattern or program which ran in the mind for ages were sudden stalled and it was a shock to the mind system hence not knowing what to do. As the mind is in need of ideas, or programming in order to perform its work so per se, there was no substitute ideas following hence the very program which was running was somewhat temporarily frozen. Why I say temporarily is because I am unsure if the program is now officially malfunctioned until the next trial run.

Even until another idea which may very well be an underlying behind the ideas which generated the earlier feelings surfaces, atonement is still necessarily. So it is not a touch and go process or a quick 2-in-1 coffee as how another of my wise teacher puts it, but a continuous journey of a never ending highway.

Being in the moment requires constant state of mindfulness or self awareness. When we are not conscious and buy into the thought system that is running in the mind, we behave and react as if hypnotized by a spell. And the story goes on and on… especially when we seem to be enjoying the drama hence already further imprinting the chronicles in the mind. And each time we allow further imprinting, the patterns are embedded deeper and robustly into the mind. No wonder it is hard for anyone to wake up to it!! This is very much similar to what some practitioners teach of ‘putting more energy into the thought’.

The thing is this; we can’t not put energy into the thought by not thinking about it. When it comes, it just comes. We are never really thinking but thoughts just flow themselves in and out of our minds, and as a friend revealed honestly that he does pick and choose his storyline when he meditates. He could see the thoughts or ideas passing by and gets hooked to one or two of them because it seemed interesting to him and hence the drama starts, that is when he is unconscious.

Get to know the mind, and we get to know ourselves. Last night, another teacher of mine (different from the 2 teachers I mentioned above) expressed that some of her students expressed that they wanted to meditated or learn mindfulness because they wanted to become rich or to lose weight. Although that was not really in line with the vision of what my teacher had, but all of us at the table did ponder a little about the intentions shared by the students. Although the usual pathway derived from mindfulness is not really about things like that, but who are we to say that it is not possible as soon as we understand the workings of the mind?

Whatever the objectives, I rejoice with those who have at least attempted their first step onto the path of mindfulness or self awareness for which the understanding and workings of the mind will thus be revealed.

The mind – really, it is nothing personal; and yet can entail a very personal experience when we as the observer, become one with the observed.

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