In each person or situation that I come across with, there is a little piece of me in each that warrants the meet – whether a quality that I admire, or detest, or perhaps even one that I am already at peace with, it is there, unless I am totally oblivious of it. And they come in so many areas, countless – in areas of a family relation, a relationship, a friendship, career, money, likes, dislikes – everything and anything that I’ve put my hands on. If I am observing someone in my fold and I am totally at peace with it, and yet within my awareness are people not at peace and I become not at peace with that, I can be sure there is something that I have not come into terms with myself and I would only be carrying the pattern of ignoring it since it has not become obvious to me. If I so happen to possess an inquisitive streak in me, and start to investigate what is it that I am not seeing, surely it will be revealed to me though clear results may take some time since that is how long I have ignored it. It is like digging up something in the backyard, being hidden for ages and ages and now I will need special tools not to mention time and effort just to resurface whatever I have hidden a long long time ago.
So people ask me, “how?” “why?” “what?” and it has been repeated, again and again, it is all in the mind. “Whose mind?” well, at first it is within “my mind” and then “your mind” and then “his mind” or even “her mind” and soon, it comes to the point of realisation that it is just “the mind”. I cannot have this without having the other; I cannot want this without wanting another. All incessant cycles of existence, over and over again… and now, what has that got to do with me?
I think there is purpose, I think there is no purpose; I put one on the pedestal and the other I put down the pedestal; I am at peace with this, and then I am not at peace with that – all encompassing, derived from ideas, thoughts, and meanings of what I would have them be. And seldom, if I was to accept one, I would accept the other – all happening in the mind, and I am caught in it when unaware. It becomes a constant struggle between one and the other – between ignorance and wisdom, especially so when wisdom has been tasted.
And so the beauty of wisdom, is to slay the delusional ignorance. And then wisdom becomes a way of life, a way to live, but what is wisdom? It is not something that derives from the right or the wrong, the good or the bad; but understanding, realising that whatever I thought was right or wrong, or good or bad has nothing to do with what the world is, or this person, or even this situation. If there are truly others, opposing to the ideas of ‘wisdom’ that I am seeming to possess, then what does it tell of me when I am triggered by their un-wiseness? I can be sure I am back to the doldrums, back to the dumps with more ‘work’ to do. And then I am asked again, “why do I have to be the one to change? To undo? To forgive?”
Well, there is only me. Who else? Is it not me that wants peace? Is it not me, who wish to smile in the midst of dramas, in the woes of the world, safe in salvation? Yet, when I am that, could it still be possible that I still see you, others and even myself as fools? Yes, fools in peace. Because the word ‘fool’ itself is too a meaning being ascribed.
My job here is just to undo, with qualities of integrity. Integrity is the willingness to see the truth of things, in the midst of the untruth, and to accept the untruth of things, in the midst of truth. How paradoxical, yet so much beauty in it. Nothing is either or, neither nor. Everything just is. So in relation to the first para, where everything and everyone is just showing me a piece of me, I am grateful. If not, how else will I know there is more to be disengaged?
I cannot want a happy dream, but a happy dream happens anyway when much has been undone though that doesn’t really mean that my work is done. It is with diligence, until the final moment.