Where it hurts, I go back to the nearest point of source which can be grasped. Never mind that I have transcended, seen and realised the other hurts for what they are, but as long as I hurt now, seeing it as unreal will not help no matter how many times I tell and remind myself how ‘this is not real’ or ‘this is just an illusion’.
By acknowledging what is already in my space, is already half the battle won though that might not mean that the whole emotion is being uplifted. For what is unseen, to be seen or what is not yet recognisable, to be recognised is the other half of it. Whilst there are many tools in the market these days that aids and encourages the momentum of ‘healing’ so to speak, the process itself is very much an individual process. Sometimes we hear of people using certain tools and the whole emotion is being removed. That makes us wonder how come that doesn’t apply to us. That very much boils down to our intent – the very intent to get rid of it or run away from it so to speak instead of sincerely accepting what is already in our space without wanting it to be any different. It may sound pretty paradoxical and it could be that in the many times that I might not have seen it for what it is hence the ‘prolonged’ emotion. The sincere wish to be with it without judgement implies a state of disengagement from it. Being with it is not the same as being it. Being with it is a state of acknowledgement that it is here in my space and taking that responsibility to work with it so to speak in a detached manner. Even if the detached manner cannot be observed, then at least acknowledge that instead of trying to mimic another state which is not possible and somewhat detrimental to the already arisen situation. In fact, it is already an indication that some sort of resistance and denial is ongoing at the background. A participant asked me the other night what if the feeling doesn’t go away and there are things on the ‘outside’ to address, my advice to her was to stay present to the emotion, as in being with it rather than be it whilst in the midst of chores. If understanding or realisation does not surface, trusting the process that is underlying is important. I noticed that it is during these times that the skill of being aware is being tested and there are indeed two possibilities – one is that one really gets drawn into the emotion or grows pretty quickly from it. Well, I guess we can look at it from the point view of a ‘test’. That to me, is part of moulding the skill of awareness. In fact, I find that it is during this period that there is more cultivation of awareness in daily activities so as to be more careful not to ‘throw’ out unnecessary attacks to the world, though not so much for other people, but more from the view point of potential burden of unconscious or conscious guilt on oneself in doing so.
Being patient and gentle with the entire process is also crucial. Many of us often have a ‘hurried’ sense of wanting the tide to be over so that life can return to normal per se. Yet I notice that such a process cannot be rushed. Whether it is through surrendering or using some tools of inquiry or forgiveness, there is a certain kind of momentum that the mind takes on which seems necessary for the entire run through. That, to my suspicion though, is pretty individual; as if each mind phenomena is different and is set to a different time frame of healing or purification.
Having said that, I cannot reiterate further how important being true to the process is if one is to transcend it. It is not by sweeping under the carpet or mimicking a higher truth that such a pattern will disappear. It is by being authentic with it in acknowledgement and allowing the process of healing or realisation to happen at its own time through surrendering or forgiveness. Not that there is anything to be surrendered or forgiven since nothing really happened, but when the emotional wound is in realness where one cannot deny one’s own state of mind, it is indeed here where one can diligently begin work at.
Well, the most important here is the intent. The intent to actually sit with our feelings which most of the time we tend to shy away from. To be in denial per se. Even I, too find it difficult but the good thing is that I am aware that I have these difficulties of really sitting with the feeling hence been a start….
The journey itself is always ongoing so to recognise where you are is indeed a healthy start. Kudos to that!