We have 1,001 (and more) thoughts, don’t we? Yet, how can I say we have them, when they have not arrived, and yet do I still have them when they are gone. And isn’t the thinking that they (the thoughts) are gone, just another thought itself? They come again and again, I might think (this is a thought too) whether they are actually quite different on their own, depending; but then again, also the same somehow. I’d like to call them recycles or reruns, and how each action from the thought turns out depends really on how I feed them.
Each thought, fed or not, and I do mean believed or not creates “I” as in “what I am” in the moment. And each little believing, the thought is welcomed back again into my domain – whether it results in my loving, my hating, my liking, my disliking, my fear, my calmness, my desires or my desirelessness. And you see, that just makes “what I am” a stronger “I” which ultimately becomes my reality.
Anything that I seem to be doing or not doing tells very much of the thought system that is running through me, by me, in me, as “I”, as in the current “what I am” in the moment. If I am curbing my desires (as a thought), it is also telling me how I am desiring something else (as a thought). What is the difference anyway since “what I am” is all run by thoughts? Whether or not at the end of the day I make something out of it, I am still doing or not doing what I am doing or not doing anyway. Where is the variance except in action or non-action? Don’t you see, non-action itself is also an action.
The other night, my little one and I were at home alone again in a somewhat huge home. The little one commented that it is a little lonely without the Guardian Angel, the father and the uncle at home. How true to a reflection of what is in ‘my’ mind, so we must be having the ‘same’ thoughts. And then we decided to go to sleep after switching on the security alarm since no one will be home. After we turned off the lights, we both heard some scrambling noise coming from the ceiling board. I remembered hearing those noises two years ago and frantically called my in laws and asked them to come over to stay for the night since it was only two of us (as in my little one and me). But they declined, assuring me that it was just those long nose squirrels or foxes. I can’t know, but I had to brave myself through it anyway. And tonight it happened again. Not that I never heard those noises anymore, just that the Guardian Angel, the father or the uncle was around, so it was much less fearful.
I thought that the little one was asleep but suddenly she voiced out and said, “mommi, I think you better ask Salsa (our little dog) to go downstairs as she is making too much noise.” I explained to her that it was not Salsa making the noise but some little long nose squirrels or foxes which were up on the ceiling board making those noises. I asked her if she was feeling scared and she nodded her head in the dark. So I took the liberty to share with her another thought that came and it went like this, “pumpkin, it sounds like it is about to rain and those little squirrels and foxes need a home which they found on our ceiling boards. And guess what, they are here to accompany us so that we won’t be so lonely after all.” To be honest, I don’t really know. How do you explain nature? But I rode on the thoughts that came anyway. Of course, I am aware if I could have spoken or not, but another thought said, “why not?” so that was what I did, and said. I became like a puppet, and a pretty useful one at that point to put her at ease although what I said might as well be a lie!
Strangely, it calmed her and soon I heard her snoring. A thought occurred and said, “she is asleep” and I smiled. And another thought appeared, “we have 1,001 thoughts, don’t we?” and very inevitably, all other follow-up thoughts that came along with it… I just had to smile. They don’t ever ‘leave’ me alone, and they all sounded pretty good; and another thought came as “why not write?” and the inner struggle because I had wanted to sleep; and yet… isn’t that just another thought? 😉