We don’t really like change. At least, not all of us. Yet, change leads to transformation and it is always for the better. How do we know? Look at us now and the rounds and rounds of transformations that we have gone through with or without our permission. Are we not glad where we are, wherever that we are? If we are not glad, we can be sure it is only because we are still resisting the change or the already changed, or rather still holding on to the very familiar which has been long gone, passed or about to lose.
Change is often uncomfortable because of resistance towards something unfamiliar that has tinges of fear. Yet, there are some change that has lots of excitement in it, as if already at peace and fully looking forward to embrace what is about to come.
A wise person whom I met yesterday reminded that change is constant and there is always adjustments going on. While there are some who feel torn in the process of it, yet adjustment is still ongoing, like it or not. Whether the adjustments leads to peace or more resentment depends very much on the level of wisdom infused with each and every move – the decisions made, the words spoken, the actions taken as there are always, always much to be considered – the rights and the wrongs, the already-present guilt, the projected future-guilt, the judgements from others and oneself and the doubts if we will be ruining others’ or our own lives.
Unfortunately, change always comes with uncertainty when there is no clarity, especially when familiarity has become comfortable. Hence the saying ‘break free from your comfort zone if you are to grow’. Yet, does breaking free from the comfort zone means having to do something? Probably, if when change comes as a no-choice option for us then it is something that we have to do. Yet when everything is comfortable and there is some sort of discomfort in the comfort, do we do anything about it, or merely understand the discomfort instead of doing something to move away from the discomfort so that we could see through the illusion of discomfort before actually doing anything about it. The paradoxical thing about this is that the moment the understanding of discomfort arrives, the motivation for change may not be present anymore. Yet, if change is inevitable, there is a possibility that the motivation for change now comes from the space of joy and love, as in excitement rather than from fear and wanting to get rid or run away from the discomfort when the discomfort itself is understood and realised. The wanting to get rid of, run away from or fix the discomfort is the motivation of many for change. While it is not up to me to say that it is not an appropriate motivation but what results from the intent of the space of fear are, most of the time, potential resentment left with those involved in the situation.
I remember when I was much younger and attending a Dale Carnegie course provided the catalyst for me to quit a job with my dad and to move towards my passion in banking. I did what was best with me, but without much wisdom or compassion in addressing those around me hence hurting the relationship between dad and myself. While some may say that it is also a learning lesson for dad but I am not talking about dad here, but my own error in addressing the situation without love and wisdom but bulldozing my way through about what I wanted, hence resulting in years and years of resentment, anger and hatred within and without.
Change is inevitable and it is inevitable that we will have to move with the flow of life itself to honour what is true to us. But can we at least, move and flow with it with love and wisdom, amicably and peacefully with those around us and also within ourselves so that there is, as carefully and as wise as we can, only minimal wounds, if any, for those involved in the situation?