Often, there are articles written about the attack and defence patterns in communication and also the importance of openness in our communication with others; but seldom, about the purpose of communication.
We are born with a voice, a voice uniquely our own to express verbally what is in the mind or heart to oneself, another or to the world. Yet the daunting question is since everything is in the mind and one’s own then what is there to communicate to the world?
A wise friend of mine shared that she decided not to evaluate a recent workshop she attended as she recognises that all thoughts – good or bad – come only from her. For that, she saw that the feedback or evaluation that she would give to the workshop had nothing to do with how the workshop was being conducted.
The true purpose of communication is for communion and communion is to mean share or interchange of thoughts and ideas with its objective to uplift, bring clarity, love, understanding or merely just to listen or to be listened to. It is not about putting someone up on the pedestal or putting the other down for a victorious run. However, the pure intent of communion often takes much integrity, honesty, humility and many, many rounds of refining.
Refining here does not mean that we communicate mindlessly as in bulldoze our way through or to stop communicating altogether just because we are unsure of our intentions. What needs to be expressed, has to be express either otherwise it becomes some form of suppression that could lead to illness; yet being mindful of our intention before the start of the communion and even in the midst of it once recalled of such notion is helpful so that the duration of communication can be treated with much care and nurtured as opposed to blabbering out mindlessly of what is in the mind.
If it is found that there is much negativity, what I found helpful is to put it down in writing. That itself is also another form of communication or communion save it is with oneself rather than with another in form.
One tricky part of communication I find in my realisation is when we try to resolve things with another which is ultimately impossible if the intent of communication is to make another or own self wrong rather than an interchange of thoughts taking the subject of what is being communicated or discussed as an object. The former has an inevitable attitude of fixing it where else the latter has a more genuine and sincere attitude of approaching the matter in an impersonal manner to understanding the underlying matter without taking the subject or object of discussion personally. That means, being mindful of the state of mind which entails the sense of righteousness. Yes, it sounds tough, that is why I mentioned earlier it takes much integrity, honesty, humility and many, many rounds of refining in order to perfect such a communion.
True communion happens when there is openness and when both or all takes responsibility of what have arisen in them and hence become authentic in their own expressions without blaming the other for it although still sharing authentically what was it that brought about the triggers. As mentioned earlier, it can be somewhat tricky since whatever that is projected has become personal to both hence it is unwise to communicate if the ability to detached emotionally from the subject is absent.
True communion includes an intention to come clean with one another and also in supporting one another in revealing what was not seen before. In other words, it is not for the sake of having a conversation to feed or sooth the arising error but quite the opposite having the response from each other as mirrors that bring about clarity for oneself for the love of truth in honesty. Liken to shining light together on areas of errors not seen before thus turning a common communication to one of communion, each gaining their own clarity and wisdom individually, yet in togetherness, without expectations.
In my observation and experience, true communion happens whenever there is already realisation somehow or even if realisation is not present, it serves as an outlet of expressing one’s vulnerability without the attitude of rescuing or being rescued but as a process of sharing one’s thoughts.
Yet, communication being a form of communion and communion being a form of sharing, and sharing entailing expressions is only an expression of self at that point in time. Without the thought of separation, it simply becomes a loving experience.