Freedom is not about being able to do what you want to do, it is realising that you have never been in bondage and are already doing or not doing whatever you are choosing to do or not do; being or not being where you already are right now, without reason.
Of course, if you ever need a reason, then a reason shall and will be given you. Question that, and you are left with nothing – either doing or not doing what you are already doing or not, being or not being where you are; right at this moment; or simply, just moving away; anyway. Question any of that again, and you are left with nothing again, realising once again that all that is happening now is exactly what and how you want it to happen, as reality.
People tell me that it is impossible to get out of a seeming situation and typical examples are to get out of a job, or a relationship, or a home, or a country and etc. Let’s work with the job thing – I want to do what I love but it doesn’t pay so I have to be practical to stay with the job that pays me well. Sounds familiar? If you ask me (which many have), my take is that this person might have mistaken what he or she really wants for now. I’d say that he or she is oblivious to what he or she really wants in this moment, and that is having a job that pays well rather than a job which allows him or her to do what he or she loves. And in a very ironic way, he or she is already doing what she loves, and that is working at a job that pays him or her well. Somehow, it looks like it does boil down to some sort of imbalanced equation in terms of comparison of what do I want more, doesn’t it?
The thing is, when we are clear of what it is we want in this moment of all that is happening, the illusionary suffering or bondage unveils. We are thus set free from suffering – even if it means staying in a job which I apparently don’t enjoy my duties, living or taking care of a spouse who is sickly, handling house chores to the point where the body aches or the skin becomes dry, or even choosing to stay in a marriage for the children when the relationship is no longer serving for the highest good. As long as we are clear, that what it is that we want, and that it is we who want it, we are free. And of course, we can always, always choose again, whenever there is clarity and wisdom.
If the reason to my decision is for another or something outside of me – as in the world, I can be sure that I’d be headed up for suffering again as it is delusional to be doing something for someone else; unless in an awakened state since. I was having a conversation with a new friend who claimed that she and her husband are separated but chose to stay together under the same roof. She shared that she was doing it for the kids and I reminded her that she was doing it for herself. The kids, the money, the job, the spouse, the relationship, the house, the car, time, day, week, year, whatever – they all have nothing to do with our suffering. And it takes much integrity and honesty for one to come face to face with that, or else the illusionary sufferings of ‘have to’s or ‘should’s and ‘should not’s come into play. Citing the reason of something out there being the condition of what I am doing now or where I am now is absolutely bogus, at least to me. I have to be so completely honest that even when I am addressing someone else’s needs as mine, I am doing it for my own sake (thus, what I want) and never ever for the other and this applies as long as I am the one being binded, thus not free.
And I am aware how ‘wanting’ comes as a certain kind of unwholesomeness in that it that causes suffering and I am not saying that it is untrue either. I would say that it is more because of the illusion of not getting what we think we want that causes suffering and that happens when we are unclear that what is happening at this moment is what we had wanted all the time. How awareness and questioning comes in complementary is to unlock what we could not see for ourselves deep in our hearts what we had initially and always wanted. We always, always get what we want. If you think you always get what you don’t want, question that and you will end up realising what you thought you didn’t want was exactly what you had wanted, but blinded to you at a conscious level. And of course, question that and you are left with only one thing which is what you are already doing, being or heading for the moment. And rest assured, it can change anytime.
I could tell you 101 stories but they’d each be too long since as it is, every learning lesson is a journey which can even take lifetimes. And it is in each and every moment when I can answer honestly and truthfully to myself that I’d find my little, little liberation. What I choose to do afterwards is irrelevant, as there has never been a right or wrong action, a right or wrong decision, except moments that comes from peace and wisdom.
That, to me, is ultimate freedom.