Reality and fact are really quite subjective to the beholder. I dressed really simple to the mall yesterday and met a beloved friend there for a while. She shared with me this morning that eventhough I was dressed pretty shabby the day before, she noticed that people still looked at me because I am pretty looking no matter what I wore.
The truth is, we’d never really know if that is the truth. I shared with her that it is because she loves me, and she finds that I am pretty looking and loving in her perception hence whenever she discovers anyone looking at me, her conclusion is that because people must be looking at me because they see me pretty looking or loving. Yet, we could never really know what runs through others’ mind and even if what she said was exactly running in other’s mind, it would have nothing to do with her, or me. It is not about me being pretty looking or not, but rather, acknowledging how we project onto others our own views and perceptions of things, thinking that if I feel or think this way about something, surely someone else must feel the same way.
Projection are made out of means assumptions, conclusions and judgements yielded from what makes us, or rather, what is in the mind. The truth is that the mind can only project what it is and seldom does the mind perceive things as they are. Just today, my little one and her best friend also got into a misunderstanding just because of what they each thought the other was doing to each other. The little one was fuming over something else, while her best friend was running around looking for her not knowing what went wrong.
Misunderstanding of behaviour and words causes much misery to one’s heart and friendships. It either results in one drawing away, or moving closer to show concern and that concern is really not about the other, but more from the space of appeasing that someone so that one’s own discomfort is soothed.
I have a friend who recently realised that she projects onto quiet people that they are cranky or have problems because that is what would make her be quiet. That projection itself may cause her to redraw from the person whom she perceives as quiet, or to show concern (as mentioned above). Both her actions are to make her feel better in addressing ‘the issue’ that she thought was outside of her and for that, she will constantly be uncomfortable in the presence of people who are quiet. The truth is, we never really know the reason of why people are quiet or not, at least in this case. Not knowing is not that bad, because we can always ask; but to make an assumption or a conclusion without really knowing the truth is only propelling unnecessary misunderstandings amongst people or situations.
A participant posed a question to me yesterday ‘what if the other person is lying?’
You see, that question itself is also a projection. How would one know if one is not that? How about what if the other person is not lying and is simply telling the truth? Is it not possible to see and accept things or people as they exactly are? If they are not talking, they are not talking; if you feel like talking, you talk. If it inspires you to ask, “are you ok?”, go ahead and ask and this is acknowledging too, that it is because it is important for you to know. Even being concern itself, is for you and you alone… and if it so happens that the other is really not ok… go ahead and do your thing, which is to uplift another!
At the end of the day, it is not about what is outside bur rather, acknowledging what is arising in the mind in each of our own space. When we take responsibility for what arises in the moment, then is there a possibility to see things as they are; else, our views of the world will constantly be tainted by the past in the now.