Have you ever wondered how you can diffuse a situation in the presence of another who is in a defensive mode of being weary, angry, confused, or sad? I’ve come to see, or even realised in my own experience and in observing others that the magic of touch is one.
Do you remember watching movies when people fight, and one of them just daringly walks up to the other and hugs the other tightly until the person surrenders to that act? Or have you ever experienced that during an argument with a loved one, while the person is shouting, crying, rambling away and all you did, was take that step forward and to give the person a hug, even when the person doesn’t seem approachable in your perception and may even struggle away from you for a while, and after some time of holding on to the person in that hug, that person just melts into your embrace? As if that pattern of anguish is being broken down. There can be much crying after that, but what turns out in the end is a sweet surrendering where vulnerability is allowed. It is as if, the defence is broken – Broken Open.
But what stops us from making this move? It is that fear of rejection, of judgment of what others think of us. It is strange, isn’t it?
A loved one was expressing how his date with this girl did not turn out well as she was going through something which she did not wish to express, and the whole night of dinner cum movie was experienced in some silence with occasional talks. His concern for her led him to ask her if she wanted to talk about it as clearly she was all closed up and going through some inner suffering as if the whole world has crushed upon her with no one to express it to. She declined his request and I asked him if he attempted to give her a hug. He said no. And when I asked him why, he simply replied because he didn’t know what she’d think of him, that hug itself or if she might push him away. And this happens to most of us. Afraid of how we’d feel upon the others’ response, not so much of another’s well-being.
Of course, a hug is not really necessary or a must, but it does help to diffuse the situation. Even if she may not have responded to or spoken up after the hug, at least she’d known that no one, or in this case, he was not there to judge her or the situation that she was in. In this, trust and comfort is then present, though in some instances it may take some time; but soon, she will come to see that it is ok to let someone into her world to have someone listen to the inner turmoil she was going through. It is truly a wonderful initiation of a healing process for both parties.
Although the inward journey is very much a lonely and alone journey and no one can really walk it for us, but it helps to comfort the one to know that she is supported and safe. In times of inner turmoil, it feels scary, lonely and the world becomes somewhat of a threat. For that, there is an illusionary cut off from the world.
A touch, a hug, a kiss – all feels good, especially when there is a pure intention to uplift. I remember when I was really sick some years back and was feeling really low and someone just came and gave me a kiss on the forehead and immediately I felt better. As a matter of fact, when I was helping my teacher come up with this card about hugs, and experiencing it myself, I found indeed it is a powerful act when done out of sincerity. A hug with no intention is merely an act out of nothingness; yet one with a pure intention to love, uplift or with well wishes brings about tremendous support, consolation and healing to the receiver and also the giver. I used to ponder on why this Amma, also known as the hugging saint could go hugging people all around the world, and people all around the world would flock to see her, just to be hugged. It is comforting what a hug can do. It is truly a magical act that can be performed in this human-bodily dimension for each other.
Some examples that came to mind is when a mother and a child sleeps, the child holds the hand of his mother and falls to sleep, a husband and wife in bed ready to fall asleep and having one of their foots slightly touch each other, a friend merely holding another friend’s hand in the midst of her woe.
J puts it rightfully in the Course that the body is used as a learning device. Other than that, an instrument to allow what is greater to come through, and a magical touch is part of that too.
For those who possess conditionings of conservativeness, do you wish to hold on to that conservativeness, or take this step forward to experience what miraculous things can happen out of this magical act?