when I first met you,
how eager I was
to get close to you.
I never had a sister you see
and had always wanted one;
someone to go shopping with
someone to do girly-girly stuffs with
someone to chit chat with
till the cows come home;
that is, if they ever do.
Perhaps some one more
to belong to
to love me
and accept me.
I attempted many ways,
subtly and shyly
so not to seem too excited
but at least enough
for me to get close to you
to get to know you
so that you’d get to know me
and grow to like me too.
But the closer I seem to move forward
the further you seem to distant yourself
as if indicating
your disinterest in being in my company.
Many times I was hurt
irked and angered
at the failure of my attempts
to succeed and fulfil my need of having a sister.
And this sister granted by law
whom I thought is at hand
the closest one I could begin with
and yet time and time again
only left me dejected and disheartened.
Blessedly, I found myself, sis
and realised how it has never been about you.
I learned to respect you as you are,
instead of seeking your approval of and love for me.
As I put aside my selfish needs and expectations of you,
I learned that I begin to love
and appreciate you
more and more.
It is as if
you did not really need to talk to me
you did not really need to hug me
you did not really need to do anything at all
and I had already fallen in love with you
acknowledging you were already my sister
that I did not have to make you one
for you have resided in my heart
long even before I realised that you have arrived.
Now when I hear you call me ‘sis’
when you smile at me,
it has become a bonus to the heart
an additional gift I receive of you.
And today I broke the news to you
you told me that you cried
as you mentioned how
you did not wish for us to go through what you went through.
So I had to cry along with you
because of the guilt of reminding you your triggering past;
yet I have to tell you this
how very proud I am of you.
How you never give up what is true to you,
how you continuously soar to honour yourself,
how you ceaselessly gave yourself only the best,
how you rise up to your challenges,
and reign above them!
My gosh, sis…
And where you are right now…
~ Beautiful, Strong, Happy ~
And know this, sis
we do not need the law to make us sisters
because you are my sister;
you reside in my heart.
This has been,
that you and I will never be able to find a way
to deny no matter how hard we try.
I love you, sis.
I have never felt so close to you ever
for you now live in my heart
and that is the best place anyone can be in.
*Dedicated to my sister-in-law, who is my sister, Jay Lyn.”