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The Other Side of It

The other day one of my teacher’s entry which I was editing screwed up my mind a little. I thought I had understood what he was saying and had worded it distortedly, but apparently it only proved that I had a fixated view on it. When I finally got hold of him for purpose of seeking clarification, I got a glimpse of what he meant. Unsatisfied still, I called Angel to talk about it. Although she was confused by what I was saying and what my teacher had wrote, it somehow brought more clarity to me.

When I first embarked on this journey, I learned and realised that we were all victims, because we allowed ourselves to be. We don’t know how not to be one, because that was the conditioning since young – to dishonour ourselves, for we are not important – as long as others are happy. We give so much power to others that when they are happy, we are happy. When we sit down and think about it, it is really silly. I am happy because you are happy? So obvious that I am relying and dependant on you for my happiness! How absurd!

So then we start rising up to ourselves. We start honouring and loving ourselves, standing in our own integrity to be responsible for our own happiness, our own decisions. We learned, that no one out there is to be blamed, it is all our own creation.

And then my teacher’s entry titled Wherein the Discerning Mind had truly made me see the other side of things. We are so concerned about others making us victims, and yet so often, we are unaware that we too, are victimizing others. Of course, a victim can only victimise another when he himself is a victim. There is no other way. The cycle repeats itself again and again. When my parents do unto me, I do unto my child; how my boss treats me, that is how I’d treat my subordinates. Because we now feel that China is coming up and the language is so important as we experience it, we want our children to attend a Chinese school environment despite the kids’ reluctance. And as if that is not enough, we impose the exact same ideas on our fellow relatives, friends, colleagues and etc. The other parties definitely have a choice of their own, but can you imagine, the guilt trip we are sending them onto? When a child tells a parent, what he wishes to learn, if the parent resonates with that interest (which is normally in alignment with the norm of the society or surroundings), then it is a yes. If not, the parent will try in all directional ways to convince the child that that is not a good thing to do because, because, because… imagine how the child would feel!! So the child begins to, in future, makes his move to seek approval, to dishonour himself and simply never learning to trust himself. Having said that, it is not the case for all. But, most.

Time and time again, I am faced with situations where people share with me, “I can’t leave the company because of my dad.”, “I can’t move out because of my mom”, “I can’t be what I want today because of my parents”, “I cannot go for fun book club because I got family dinner”. Oh my goodness!!! When will we all start to take responsibilities and start honouring ourselves? “I can leave the company but I choose not to because I can’t face the guilt of leaving my dad. You see, I am not important!”, “I can move out but I choose not to because I can’t bear the guilt of hurting my mom. You see, I am not important!”, “I can be what I am today but I choose to stay like this so that I can continue to blame my parents for who I am today so that I don’t have to face the guilt within for dishonouring myself! You see, it is too painful to see that I am not important!”, “I don’t want to go to fun book club because I don’t want to be guilty for not spending time with my family! You see, I am not important!”

Can we just rise up to what’s truly inside us? Can we begin to take responsibility? Can we begin to see that everything has something to do with guilt and then transcend it? Rather than abiding to it all the time, all the time, repeating the cycle of self-abuse – of not honouring thyself ~ and really making that I am not worthy story more real than it is actually not?

May we slowly withdraw our own tentacles on others, and consciously allow others to withdraw theirs from us. Let us all disentangled ourselves from this illusionary entanglement which is so unnecessary. For what, you may ask? For our freedom.

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