My dear friend swung by to transfer the last koi fish into his boot yesterday evening. Since it was the last fish out of the pond, there was no use left in retaining the water or to have the pump/filter running. Together, we switched it off after which he took the pump/filter with him as well. After all, I have no use of it anymore.
The water was in the midst of draining when I left home for a sharing session. When I got home, an unusual quietness filled the air as I got out of my car. As I placed my bag on the sofa, I walked out of the house again and into the garden. It was a habit to do that; to breathe in and enjoy the night air and to entertain a little inner chatter before heading to bed.
Yet, something was unusual – the quietness which was noticed earlier.
I looked around, memory totally wiped out for a moment what had happened earlier that day, and then suddenly realized that the pond was empty, void of water.
I walked towards the pond and realized that the contrast of sound from previous nights and at that moment was caused by the sounds that came from running water of the pond. At that instance, there was indeed a feeling of emptiness in the midst of that quietness; as if something was amiss. Although I had never really made tense attention to the pond or the fishes, little did I notice at that very moment when I was standing there alone, how significant its presence had been a part of my life every night, or any other moments when I was out in the garden.
It was something that the Mind was so used to that a change or a seeming end to an usual comfort albeit unconsciously, seemed to cause some sort of void. As if something has left. A part of self, gone. Strange.
Well, there was a moment of sadness. Yet, in it too, some sort of gladness accompanied. It was somewhat contradicting not to mention, funny too.
I stared at the empty pond for a while. There were some memories of the sound and sight of the running water, the water in the pond and its fishes. And there was a thought if I would miss the kois jumping up to the air above the water level and splashing itself way back into the pond. Was it their way of saying hi? I don’t know and I can never know. But, it did bring a fuzzy warm feeling of joy each time it happened.
We never know what around us have conveniently condition their own presence as part of our life through our senses, especially so when there is contact with it/them frequent enough. Mind captures everything whether or not our attention is there. What is captured becomes embedded. And if it is repeated, it becomes conditioned. To be able to grasp what Mind is picking up or how it is wiring it, is awakening to how Mind works, and to observe how you become you, and the passing of you… 🙂
Written on 27th March 2013