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Is it I?

Is it
I am reading
or just
Reading?

Is it
I am seeing
or just
Seeing?

Is it
I am speaking
or just
Speaking?

Is it
I am typing
or just
Writing?

Who is I?
What is I?

Without I
Just is.

Reading
Seeing
Speaking
Writing.

When does I come in?

Strangely
astonishingly
when it separates itself from
Reading
Seeing
Speaking
Writing
and at the same time
identifying itself as
I am reading
I am seeing
I am speaking
I am writing

when there is just
Reading
Seeing
Speaking
Writing
taking place.

Hmm…
eccentrically
not even that.

Funny, isn’t it?

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Fundamental Honesty

Respect went up a notch for a beloved friend recently. His honesty about his current reality which was a past fear arising once again. Although at the back of the mind already knowing that it is unreal, my reminder did not alter his groundedness. He told me, “G, I cannot lie to myself. Even I may agree with you or try to con myself out of it by saying that it is unreal; but when it is real to me, I have to be honest and true to myself, and stay with the process by working with what is real to me right now.”

His honesty in admitting the realness of his reality to himself, and disallowing any past learning of what is unreal to disturb the process of what was arising in him was really commendable. Since already knowing and understanding how the whole game works, there was a natural trust that emerged accompanying his honesty of the realness of his reality – that the ‘realness’ of his reality will soon pass and dissolve hence allowing him to come back to see and realise the unrealness of it. That’s growth.

And of course, what he goes through; whether real or unreal; is really none of my business. But by my privilege of being able to be in the presence of such an honest quality – that’s love.

The other day, another beloved spoke how my apparent ‘level’ of honesty threatens him and reflects his ‘level’ of dishonesty within him. I didn’t know that there were levels to honesty where there is a more or less. The heart ached a little and tears fell, as if symbolising the sudden separation back into the game of duality. Yet, respect also went up a notch for this beloved though he may be oblivious to his own honesty when he admitted his own sense of occasional threat in my presence and his dishonesty within himself.

And if he can be honest about it, is there still dishonesty?                              

Even healers and psychics require honesty in a session in order to support the process of healing. If I truly wish to be healed, what and why else would I hide?

Mind always, always meet mind. Mind always, always meets itself.

The quality of honesty – an essential attribute, yet such a peril to many; obvious in all, yet also somewhat oblivious to most.

Some people tell me, I can’t or I am scared. I can understand that, because it is common to be fearful of what is unknown; or to be more true in this space, to be fearful of a knowing future, as if already predicting what will happen in the future. If you do not know, what is there to be scared of? If you already know, what is there to be scared of?

And then I don’t say a thing. I ponder and wonder if that prediction would be a projection of the future hence stamping the future reality for what is ‘predicted’ and thought now hence already bringing forth an imaginary future into the current now? Oh, I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.

Is it necessary to be honest with others? In my experience, that can only happen when we are honest with ourselves. Then, is it necessary to express honesty to others? In my experience, only when necessary.

At the end of the day, is it about honesty with others, or about what happens in the future? Or does it start now, taking that baby steps to allow honesty to unfold in me, to bless myself with the some space of honesty to be honest with myself? That is, if I am truly serious about the business of liberation.  The thing is, am I truly that serious? Or at least, serious enough?

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Lose it?

Why are you afraid to lose anything?

If you have it, how could you lose it?

If you don’t have it, what are you losing?

~ GG ~

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Free Your Mind, En Vogue

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9tIYpvlQP_s&feature=related]

Prejudice, wrote a song about it.
Like to hear it? Here it go.

I wear tight clothing, high heeled shoes
It doesn’t mean that I’m a prostitute, no, no, no
I like rap music, wear hip hop clothes
That doesn’t mean that I’m sellin’ dope no, no, no
Oh my forgive me for having straight hair, no
It doesn’t mean there’s another blood in my hair, ya, ya
I might date another race or color
It doesn’t mean I don’t like my strong black brothers.

oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la
Why oh why must it be this way?
oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la
Before you can read me you got to learn how to see me, I said

Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow.
Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow

So I’m a sistah
Buy things with cash
That really doesn’t mean that all my credit’s bad, oooh
So why dispute me and waste my time
Because you really feel the price is high, for me
I can’t look without being watched, and oh
You rang my buy before I made up my mind, OW!
Oh now attitude, why even bother
I can’t change your mind, you can’t change my color

oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la
Why oh why must it be this way?
oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la
Before you can read me you got to learn how to see me, I said

Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow…
Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind don’t be so shallow….Free Your mind!

oh la la, oh la la, oh la la, oh la la
Why oh why must it be this way?
Before you can read me you gotta learn how to see me, I said

Free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow
free your mind and the rest will follow
Be color blind, don’t be so shallow….Free your mind!

Much like a program
which knows it is a program;
I am like the little blue Smurf
created by the Master.

Walking aimlessly, directionlessly, purposelessly
until a ground is planted by the Master.

That too I would have nothing to do
until He decides He wishes to plant a crop or two;
and hurriedly I will be directed to the ground
to water and mend the crops
until it is fully grown
then I am back to that walking around
aimlessly, directionlessly and purposelessly once again.

Sometimes directions come from Papa Smurf
and his directions come from Master too;
to plant this, to build that or to mend a thing or two
and then I’d be directed once again
to plant, to build or to mend a thing or two
until it is finally done.

Sometimes I get to be Papa Smurf
and it depends how much work I’ve done
or sometimes I am just Brainy, Handy or even pretty Smurfette;
apparently putting to task my best skills called upon
and then I’d walk around again
aimlessly, directionlessly, purposelessly nonetheless.

At times we ask why we do this or that
just to reason why certain things be done
Papa Smurf explains that Gargamel wants a piece of us
or probably plan to tear down our village
it is very strange to me
yet I don’t really question
why we bother building our little village in the first place
with the baker’s, miner’s, bungalows and sorts
and defend it with this or that.

I can never understand, you see
because I am just a little blue Smurf
walking up and down
aimlessly, directionlessly, purposelessly
seemingly just to complete some story.

*dedicated to the players of the Smurfs game on iPods, iPhones & iPads; and yes, I am one of them too ;p

Which is Which?

Each thought like a fleeting bacteria,
finding an appropriate owner to manifest itself.

So it is in your mind or simply just the mind?
If it is just yours, how come I have it too?

Doesn’t it seem strange that we never questioned it?

Allowing it to come alive through us,
believing we are that.

If I was to be just an empty shell unfed by thoughts,
what would it be like for the rest of the days?

Would l be like the old lady sitting on the wheel chair
eyes staring blank into space with my jaw hanging half open?

If I did not have this body to delusionised myself,
would I be a little clearer of who I am?

Yet if I did not have this body to experience,
would I come close to even know what I am like?

Yet is it really the body that tells me who I am,
or the thoughts that make the body move beyond my control?

Is it really my will moving it,
or have I been delusional thinking that it was my will,
but truly just something else?

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Understanding Suffering

Ashin Tejaniya said…

Lobha (greed, any kind of craving or liking) is more difficult, more subtle — and moha (delusion, ignorance, not understanding, not seeing reality) is hardest. The point I was making the other day was that we should better not use the word suffering when we talk about dukkha. Most yogis don’t understand the truth of dukkha but they understand suffering. Usually the only kind of suffering they understand is ‘feeling’ suffering (dukkha vedanā) and this interpretation of suffering will lead to aversion. Understanding dukkha is very different.

Many yogis have been told that because things are impermanent they are suffering. They also know that arising and passing away is a sign of impermanence. Because they are eager for progress, they also tend to try to see arising and passing away. When they do this, they will of course remember all the information they were given, and they will interpret whatever they see coming and going as suffering. Because they see this as a sign of progress, their minds will then start to lean towards suffering and they become fearful. Fear is passive dosa. Sometimes yogis become so frightened that they break down and cry.

The meaning of the word dukkha is much wider and deeper than just the experience of physical or mental suffering. Any kind of suffering, from the most obvious manifestations of pain or grief to the most subtle notions of discontent, uncertainty, unsatisfactoriness, unreliability, unpredictability, ambiguity, insecurity etc. All just refer to the grossest level of dukkha. According to Buddhist tradition, this level is called dukkha-dukkha. The pain of birth, getting sick, ageing and death as well as any emotional sorrow like anger, fear, despair, disappointment, anxiety, getting separated from loved ones, having to be with unpleasant people, not getting what we want or getting what we don’t want — all this is traditionally listed under the first level of dukkha.

The next level is called vipariṇāma-dukkha (the suffering in change). This is more subtle, more difficult to see. Any kind of sensual pleasure or mental rapture, in fact any kind of happiness whatsoever — however subtle and long-lasting — will sooner or later end. Doing something over and over again or trying to achieve something also belongs to this category of dukkha. You might be experiencing a lot of samādhi (calmness, stillness or stability of mind), pīti (joyful interest, enthusiasm, rapture), and passaddhi (tranquillity) every time you meditate but this too won’t last. Experiencing such states is also dukkha. Most people find it very difficult to understand that all happiness is dukkha.

The third and last level of dukkha is called saṅkhāra-dukkha (the unsatisfactory nature of all existence, of all conditioned phenomena), also referred to as existential dukkha. Nāma-rūpa (mental and physical processes) is dukkha; the sheer fact that we exist is dukkha.

It is really important to understand the difference between experiencing dukkha and understanding it. Physical or mental suffering – however gross or subtle – automatically comes with some form of aversion; dukkha vedanā or domanassa (any kind of unplesant mental feeling, mentally painful feeling) always arise together with dosa. All such experiences will lead to unwholesome states of mind and therefore to more suffering.

Understanding dukkha does not mean mental suffering. Understanding dukkha is very different; it is a wholesome quality of mind, a liberating and life transforming experience. Every little understanding of dukkha enables the mind to let go and therefore to experience more freedom. Understanding dukkha will lead to more wholesome states of mind; it will make the mind stronger.

In order to be able to understand dukkha we not only need to have this right information but we also need right thinking. The Buddha said that the one thing that keeps us trapped in this endless cycle of existence is not seeing and not understanding dukkha. If we don’t understand dukkha, we will keep hoping for better times and we will keep getting disappointed. Most people waste a lot of time trying to fight dukkha, trying to manipulate their world. This resistance to dukkha is not only exhausting but it also creates even more dukkha. Right thinking is accepting and acknowledging dukkha. Seeing and accepting dukkha means seeing and accepting how things are, and such a state of mind will free up a lot of energy which we can use to practise.

When we become more and more skilled at recognizing dukkha we will also more often see whenever we ‘create’ new dukkha. My teacher used to say that only when we understand the dukkha in becoming (jāti-dukkha), will the mind really strive towards Nibbāna. Everything that comes into existence is dukkha — and its passing away is dukkha too. It is because we don’t understand jāti-dukkha that we want to get something or to get rid of something. A mind that understands dukkha will neither want happiness nor will it resist anything it is experiencing; it will be completely at peace with whatever is happening.

All beings experience dukkha but only those who recognize dukkha can work towards freeing themselves from it. Clearly recognizing and accepting dukkha will lead to inner freedom. The Buddha said that those who see dukkha also see the end of dukkha. Only if dukkha is really understood, will striving for Nibbāna be seen as the only worthwhile thing to do.

~ Excepts from,

Awareness Alone is Not Enough, Questions & Answers with Ashin Tejaniya ~

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Word Barrier

The words used need not matter.

Whether it is “I”, “I am”, “God”, “Awareness”, “Awakefulness”, “Wisdom”, “True Self”, “non-self” or whatever that is commonly or uncommonly used in the spiritual context, of an inward journey.

It does not change a thing, except create further barriers by language, also culturally distorted by each’s conditioning.

Has it not been said – do not believe anything except when it resonates with your own common sense?

And do you notice, when it is spoken – ‘your’ or ‘you’, how the ‘I’ emerges once again?

It is not about getting rid of the “I”, or not putting an “I” to anything – it is about understanding how the “I” comes about. And it is like an “I” understanding “I”. But then again, which is which? Is it possible to discern? You will know, eventually.

Some people say again and again, there is no “I” and there is separation again… can you ever escape from the “I” without speaking, without relating, without touching, without seeing? And even to say, “We are One” it has to be two “I”s to become one. Isn’t it strangely paradoxical? And just to denote “non-I”, other words are put in – like God, Wisdom, Awareness, Awakefulness… to cover up the “I” who is speaking, relating, touching, seeing. Again, just words and languages. Each trying their utmost best to express what it is, but yet impossible to be grasped without ever being able to be fully understood, isn’t it? And the more each tries, it just creates more barriers. And do you not see, “each” itself – is that not that “I”?

“I” is alright, whether it is later on referred to as Higher Self, God, Wisdom, Awareness or what have you. Just understand the “I”, and that is enough. And perhaps to communicate, just briefly sound out what does “I” means so that the illusionary separation due to language barrier can be lifted off the already illusionary separation of what is to be communicated between the illusionary two who seems to be separate.

It is really ok. Strive, but not too hard. For who is striving, who is trying? When the full stop happens, in the midst of the passing motions, something wonderful happens.

Use your own common sense.

Listen attentively, but discern.

Discern carefully, but stay open.

Because, words are merely words, and in that certain space of silence and vastness, no longer are words needed and all is just simply understood and realised.

 

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Dissolving “I”

“I am” is what creates reality or the so-called experience of “I am”. Without “I am”, there is no “I” hence no one there. No personality, no identification just pure experience and not even an experience but awareness of what is.

Whatever that is seemingly going on is just is, as it is, until “I” comes in with an “I am seeing”, “I am hearing”, “I am feeling” which can come as a pure form of identification or an expression. And yet, who or what identifies, who and what expresses?

The “I” that is identified has much to do with the past as in ideas or experiences moulded into a certain kind of pattern or personality of “I want”, “I don’t want”, “I like”, “I don’t like” strengthening the kind of “I” believed to exist or to be true, which contorts a pattern and thereby a personality, believed to be real of the “I am”. Without all these, what is left?

Just as seeing, hearing, breathing are occurring on its own, all at the same time; reflect a little when does “I” come it? It doesn’t until it does, and “it” becomes a reality when there is an identification or belief of “I am”. And the minute there is an “I am”, inevitably there is a “you”, “him”, “her” “them” “we” or whatever the separation of “I am” entails.

Ponder a little, if there is an “I am right”, surely there must be a “you are wrong”; if there is an “I am good” hence there must be a “you are wrong”. Paradoxically, the sheer acknowledgement of “I am wrong” or “I am bad” when “I am right” and “I am good”, the mind maximizes its own polarities and comes back to its middle. Yet comically, can a police man exist without a thief? Can a thief exist without a victim? And then what happens when the “I” is dissolved as the truth of “I” is seen leaving only a kind of space of vastness and void?

To begin the journey of truth is to begin the journey of seeking falseness of the “I”. Hence Jesus’ saying, “Seek not the truth but the false and the truth reveal itself”. Yet to begin such a journey can bring much irritation and hesitation to many. Yet again, if there can be a wise questioning of “who is irritated and who is hesitating”, perhaps the journey can bring much ease and confidence though much effort in remembering is also necessary.

The personalities that we think we are and of those that we come across with are all past memories, past ideas, past information which is brought to the present and there is really nothing wrong with that. Only that, once you have realized, what do you use it for? To propel the sense of separatedness or to gently merge with the drop and join with the ocean again; which is all there ever was anyway, and still is, as is.

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Isn’t it madness
that I have to do something for you
or
you have to do something for me
in order
for you to love me
or
for me to love you.

As if
if there is nothing done
from or for either one of us
suddenly
Love has gone out of the door
*poof*
nothing left
and what remains
is a strange occurrence of
I don’t mean a thing to you
and
you don’t mean a thing to me.

Any scenario
it is always a
what’s in it for me
or
what’s in it for you
without that
as if nothing happened
and we both pass each other by
very much like strangers
even though deep within us both
the profound recognition resides.

If
there is something here for me
or
there is something here for you
it is like
suddenly we have become best mates
yet
when you are seemingly threatening to take something away from me
or
when I am seemingly wanting to take something away from you
all of what was before
what love, what appreciation, what peace, what joy, what happiness, what well wishes
just no longer matter.

Like animals we become
only a little smarter
with insidious planning
of how to scheme and move you or me away
by moving very much closer to you or me
like the saying
‘keep your enemies closer’
we have suddenly turned to beasts
awaiting for that silent kill
to eliminate either you or me
to taste that delicious victory.

But yet again, what is this all about?
Is it really about you or me?
or is it something else that we are both
unwilling to look
perpetuating this wanting to keep each other away?

Ancient, ancient stories
repeated, replayed, recycled
here we talk about liberation
and there we scheme to keep the defilements
yet, do we have a choice
when what is unseen still not seen
save to play this sinister game with each other
again and again
propelling
you killing me
me slaying you
whether physically, mentally or emotionally?

Do you not see beloved?
It is now time to strip naked
and until I am willing to see what’s in me
and you are willing to see what’s in you
can we then put this game to halt
and
yes, it is for happiness
yes, it is for joy
yes, it is for peace
yes, it is for freedom
and
yes, all for the love of TRUTH!!

Can we now begin to take responsibility?
Can we now begin to look within?
Can we now begin things a little differently
from what was never done before?
And come back into ourselves
once more
where there is where we are headed for anyway
except a little deluded in the past
except forgotten a little
but now slowly, clearly remembering…

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