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What is in the Mind?

Jan 20th, 2011 by

The mind is truly an instrument which has a life of its own. Even if you are now able to detach from the mind, it is amazing how it keeps coming back, luring or in fact, sneaking behind to wrap you back into delusion.

Now, I am not meaning to say that the mind is bad or insidious though we do tend to put such labels onto it. But consider that it is our skills that need to be sharpen to maintain awareness, or to be able to watch it without interfering or getting involved with it.

It is like this, say the mind is swimming with thoughts of someone and we so happened to experience a stomach ache, or a toothache (which is also part of the mind by the way) that is possibly derived from the present environment that we are unaware of, but because the mind is swarmed with majority thoughts of this person, there is a tendency to think that our discomfort is associated with this person. For intuitive people, the mind may conjure meaning that the discomfort is from the other as in sensing the other, hence making that phone call or effort to connect with the other person. And because the mind is hanging on so strongly to that particular idea that the discomfort is related to the other person, even if the person was to honestly express, “no, I do not have an ache in my body.” The mind cannot hear it. The mind only hears what it wants to hear, what is it ready to hear hence the possibility of that person not in discomfort is not recognisable.

The mind prefers, which is why we will find ourselves caught in preference, which is not really us. A practitioner who is in constant practise will be able to tell you that she is able to detach from anger, sadness to a certain level and when depression comes to visit, she can be totally wrapped up in these emotions and thinks that she has gone into a depression. What happens here is that intensity of these feelings because they become so overwhelming that it can be somewhat difficult to detach from it hence the identification with the mind, as in what mind conjures = I become. Similar to an example of eating your favourite food, say fried chicken and one of your don’t-mind-it food such as peanuts. Do you observe that the tendency to enjoy the experience of fried chicken is higher than eating peanuts? The thing is that, who is the one enjoying it? If it is peanuts that is entering your mouth, then it is likely that you will be able to detach and watch the mind’s reactions or response towards what is already here; but if it is fried chicken put into the mouth, the tendency to watch detachingly is lower as the intensity of these feelings become overwhelming hence resulting in us being the reaction or the response. So, if one who does not have the higher skills to detach further, will get absorbed into the experience and thinks that she is the one who likes to eat chicken wings.

In truth, everything is happening in the mind and what becomes the ‘problem’ is that we identify with the mind. There is no issue in mind experiences except that when that happens, we lose awareness due to the intensity of the arising feelings.

So will it be wise to avoid situations that potentially arise intense feelings? I’d say no, as that sort of suppression of the mind only tends to perpetuate the situation further resulting in much intense feelings afterwards, having you roped into its fantasy as well.

Use these situations of intense feelings instead, as a means to sharpen skills. The more intense it is, the better but the chances of getting caught in the cobwebs are also high. And when the illusion is dense, it may take quite a while of ‘suffering’ before one wakes up to reality.

So when we are in love with someone, is it really we who are in love, or is there something happening in the mind that we have not yet come to understand? When we are able to detach from the mind, as in not identify with the mind albeit still feeling the emotions, it is possible to notice that the emotions start to fade away; not because we do not love the other person, but the storyline of it somewhat simmers down or even ceases. What is left is unconditionality and a whole new world opens up.

Being able to be that awake, the mind is used as a tool merely for wilful functions and communication. This goes to say that we are no longer pulled by the nose to be caught up in delusional storylines that does not serve the peace of mind. It is about bringing the mind to peace, liberating the mind. For since we experience through the mind, it is important that the mind performs what it is willed and not the other way round, as in willing us to experience whatever it wishes. Not that it wishes, but it is just being run by unquestioned ancient stuffs that we have not yet come to understand and realise.

Thus, the importance of observing and understanding the nature of the mind, for all of life, is in the mind.

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One Last Cry

Jan 19th, 2011 by

A song came into my awareness today. I think I must have heard it quite many times as this song has been in my iPhone for quite some time yet it did not catch my attention until today. It was a love song with meanings of a man, who sang of his letting go of his beloved after having one last cry. In my understanding, he was now willing to let go of the lie that was going on in his head that his beloved should not have left him to be with another after having experienced the effects of wallowing in self-pity. Yet in this song, this wise man (I will call him wise because he decides to wake up) realised that he has indeed given his best, and there was nothing left for him to do, but to have just one last cry. The cry, the one last cry, really serves its role as a completion to the mind – that it ends now.

No doubt that there may be remnants or residuals left of sadness and grief having lost the companionship of a beloved, but I am sure the last cry, which is symbolic of a completion in the mind with the willingness to let go, would have brought some kind of relief to him.

So, it is the completion or the letting go that has finally brought him relief, or if possible even peace?

Some may argue it is both, but in truth there are both already effects. Now, those who have been in the spiritual journey for a while would have understood that there is no way that we can let go of anything. It lets go of us when it is meant with full acceptance and understanding. Obviously, in this case, it is a very deep holding on thus even when there was some bit of realisations, there was still pain though deduced pretty substantially to the point of clarity to see that there was no point in holding on. Why I call it some bits of realisations is because if it was a full realisation, there would not be a cry, but a hearty laugh. Having said that, since we all like storylines, especially one with a beginning and an ending, this guy will have to end with one last cry as a hearty laugh would have ended the story unexpectedly and abruptly. There is just no more storyline to continue, you see. The story would have been left hanging, and I am sure many will agree how they dislike that kind of conclusion to a movie.

So realisations brings this man back to some bits of the cause of his pain and there, with wisdom touching him, in addition to his valuing his own peace of mind, he makes an intent to let go which is a cause to the effect of the last cry as a means of completion, at the same time, also already an effect of the cause of intent of valuing his own peace. Thus to say that the completion or the letting go has finally brought him to peace is true, and not entirely true too. But then again, we can never know if he truly experienced peace after the last cry until he writes another song in sequence to this song!

The last cry, is merely an act of completion, an already sown effect from a cause deriving from certain ideas culminated to arrive at such an act. The act, which can be any act at all, is only symbolic of what is in the mind hence being acted out in a storyline, as in to be physicalised in form. Clearly, there is no right or wrong in a completion. Just as saying – I am sorry, or thank you. It is just an expression, whether in words, in tears, in cash or what have you to bring an end to the storyline in the mind.

Realisations set the mind free, thus we become free since we are most of the time so identified with the mind. So do you see how it is just a story in the mind, and we think that it is us? Yet, without being identified with it, how else can it be experienced such beauty of emotions, such storylines? Yet, all are but storylines. And in a storyline, all are but ideas. To be able to see this, is to enjoy the movie, but not get caught up by it.

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Of Meditations & Retreats

Jan 18th, 2011 by

Many people tend brand meditation to a lotus sitting position. It is a misconstrued idea that meditation means sitting on a cushion, with eyes closed, doing nothing. Many also think that meditation, as in a sitting position can lead to enlightenment. Not that I am belittling what they believe to be true of meditation, as meditation can lead to enlightenment, but to brand meditation to a specific position is as good as following a blind horse being led by a blind horseman without further understanding to what true meditation is.  

To make it clearer, there are many types of meditations which are derived from different practices offering different techniques to transcend what we call sufferings, or the self. Since I can only speak from my own limited experience, I can only share on the benefits of what and how meditation has served me in my journey – which carries the practise of self-awareness, also known as mindfulness.

No doubt I was introduced to the concept of meditation by a sitting position initially. But as soon as I was aware of what I was to observe, since mindfulness is to mean to be aware, or to observe, I expanded my practice into my daily activities, carrying the practise of awareness into each moment into whatever that I was doing. And it is not to bring the mind to present, but to acknowledge what or where the mind is presently, as in you being aware and present to it.

Some weeks ago, I was facilitating a group meditation sitting. Most of them were familiar faces and I wondered why they came back every week for a sitting. One of them revealed that coming back to the group sitting motivated them to continue the practise. I suspected that they might have grasped the concept of meditation incorrectly. Hence the following week, I threw a suggestion to the floor that I was allowing free activity during the time meant for sitting as long as they were aware and to come back to the meditation room at a specific time. I could tell that most of them were very happy at that suggestion and all of them gladly took the offer. Some maintained their meditation through sitting, some went downstairs to a stall for a drink, some addressed urgent matters, one read and some others did other things. I was not surprised at their patterns as I was too, one of them some time ago. Surely, it takes one to know one. That’s just nature.

When time arrived for them to come back to the meditation room, I initiated a sharing session, asking each of them to share their decision on what they did. Most of them reported that they were aware of what they were doing, be it drinking tea at the stall, reading, sitting… whatever… and I simply posted a question back to one of them, if he was aware that he was making an explanation to me and that caught him off guard. At the same time, the others too realised the intention of my questioning. They realised that as soon as the time was up for ‘meditation’, they had ceased the practice.

It is no wonder they questioned their growth. It is as if, they have allocated specific times in a day to be mindful and the rest of the hours are allowed to be mindless. True meditation is being constantly mindful, or aware if you will, of what arises within us; whether it is bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings. What is the use of awareness during the stipulated meditation times, when at that time is where you will get least triggered thus the least of opportunities to inquire or investigate what arises? What are we looking for in meditation? Is it just peace? Or something else? And to have a true completion of each meditation moment as and when a trigger or discomfort arise is through questioning, as in self-inquiry.

The same can be said with retreats. Why attend a retreat? To enjoy the silence? Not that I oppose to the set ups of retreats but where I am getting at is the intention of attending a retreat. Many go into retreats to give themselves a break and there are so many golden rules like noble silence, no handphones, no laptops, no this and no that… and??? What happens after coming out from the retreat when they go back into the world? They feel rejuvenated for a while but it is mostly back to square one. It is as if they had not attained any skills at all of meditation as in to equip themselves so to address the world.

A recent entry that I edited for my teacher resonated with me the true purpose of attending a retreat and I invite you to his entry Coming Back to Where it Begins for further insights on the purpose of retreats.

Meditation comes in many forms and its essence is in observation and realisation through inquiry and investigation of ideas. Likewise for a retreat, it is a place or specific time frame to equip or sharpen one’s skills to be mindful, or in observation so that realisations can happen to bring understanding to life experienced as a whole. However, it is essential to be able to carry the practice into our daily life as the little trivial moments of peace will not be able to support us through the reality of life. Much like a watchdog, really… and you might not like this term, but the reward derived from it is more than a treat. Only those who persevere will reap what they sow.

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Need to Become

Jan 16th, 2011 by

Whether I am needing you, or you are needing me, it is not really a need arising for you or for me as in form. It looks like it is for different things, for different purposes; but in truth, it is all just a need to become. Whether it is: I need you to fulfil something in me, or you need me to fulfil something in you; it is all the same as both needs have nothing to do with you, but only with me. That is all.

My need to become – anyone or anything at all – is what propels me to keep searching, yearning, hoping and doing. Even if I may not find that I have a need anymore, or I may not need you to need me anymore; you will come forth to show me that I am needed in your space despite my thinking otherwise. And for that, I will be compelled to think that since I am in the role that both you and I perceive me to be in, I’d have to play that role and hence become somebody that you had expressed that you need. So even though you think that you are the one who has expressed your need to me to be someone that you need me to be, or I might think that you need me to be someone to fulfil your need – the truth is that it has entirely nothing to do with you at all, but me – for they are all still, only telling me my need to become – whether the expression of need comes from you, or me.

But does that mean that I am nobody before I become a somebody? If I am resisting to play a role as in to be a somebody to fulfil a need expressed, then I am already a somebody although I may think that I am a nobody, or a no-thing-ness. As long as I cease to move and dance with you, or anything else, it is already telling me how I have identified myself with the current state that I think I am in unconsciously; putting meaning into it hence already becoming or more rightfully, already became and attached to a state which I think I can identify with. This need causes me to classify myself once again in a specific category out of the many categories found in society, and in this identity is what makes it difficult for me to move along with you because I am clinging on to what I think I am at that moment – someone spiritual, an enlightened person, a healer or whatever when I am unable to recognise how ignorant I am at this state. The “I am” is the identification with the “I” misunderstood.

It is ironic, indeed.

I was having a conversation with my partner a few nights expressing concerns about where our marriage was heading as we seemed to be threading different paths. Not that I love him any less or more but it seems hard to meet each other eye to eye since what he says I find it mundane and what I share he finds it boring. He was very wise to observe that we will never come to an agreeable discussion about this since our perception differs. And I wondered at that point in time, who was I?

Was I, G – the wife? G – the seeker? Or G – the one who knows? Or just… not even G, watching how this storyline unfolds by itself?

It is obvious, the concern towards the marriage was from G the wife as she believes that she needs to do something to improve the marriage so that this marriage is not threatened and by that she gets to retain her “I am”-ness as a wife; followed by the need to stay on the journey resulting from the identification as G the seeker due to the need to satisfy the deep desire for truth and freedom; and to share what she had realised with her partner is the identification or “I am”-ness with G, the one who knows. All are but personalities, facades turned from the need to become arising from conditionings – all part of nature unfolding, unconsciously – simply needs to be fulfilled – the need to do something, to be someone for a purposeful purpose. An identification if you will. Nothing is a miss. Otherwise, how will life be worth living?

How do I live if I do not identify? If I am not a mom in the presence of my child, then what role will I play and how will I treat her? If I am not a wife in the presence of my husband, then what role will I play and how will I treat him? I don’t know. Is there a need to know? Why know? Because I have accumulated knowledge of how it should and should not be – a family, a marriage, a friendship – all but ideas that I had not yet inquire. But if no one had ever taught me the meanings of all that, no media has ever shown me how a family, marriage or friendship is supposed to function, then would I be less stressed, merely being, instead of needing? Being in the sense that whatever act is being performed is an inspired move without questioning, without the fear of judgement, without the whys, the hows, the whens… without the need to be validated as someone.

Is it not possible to just be instead of do? Is it not possible to do with inspiration, of what we are being moved to do, rather than the need to? We can become, but how about just being an instrument for that moment, ceasing the role when the task is done through us, and then allowing it to arise again when the conditions warrant? Why the need, especially one that prolongs a moment to another binding ourselves to become?

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Gratitude

Jan 16th, 2011 by

Be grateful not to the form, but for the experience that comes through the form. Although gratitude to someone is perceived as something beautiful but this can come from the space of guilt as it is merely a form of conclusion that we are incapable of such experience thus the dependency on others which translates to our inadequacy to experience without the other. But let’s take a look at what is more real, if we are truly the experiencer of the experience, would it not be true that the experience is arising in us thus confirming that we are more than capable of experiencing the experience that seems to be coming through from the other?

Gratitude towards another comes with the guilt of having to repay another rather than seeing it as our entitlement. And this guilt is the one that propels us to keep us hanging on to another until the deed of repaying is complete.

Being grateful is also confirming that we are undeserving at base, that through experience of another’s action, it is like a reward. Let’s take a deeper meaning of reward – where there is reward, there must be something to be done in order to deserve it hence either we have done a deal and rewarded, or being rewarded before hand from the space of being undeserving arises the need to reciprocate as in to repay with gratitude.

Being grateful to the experience itself, there is a natural letting go of another or thing from whom an experience is being shared with be it a person or a handbag. In that space, there is freedom within self and also for the other as there is no form of stickiness, attachment or reliance on either part as the experience itself has ended right at that moment thus allowing new moments of experiences to arise. It is the essence of the experience experienced cherished and never the form.

I remember I was sharing with a teacher once how grateful I was to him and another teacher in my life some time ago. He asked me very profoundly, “why do you not recognise that it was your inner love for yourself that has attracted us into your space?” I realised then that the two teachers guiding and supporting my journey were merely my gifts to myself; for if I had not been willing, I would not have been able to receive the teachings they were imparting to me. Constantly, I recognised gratitude – gratitude to them for the role they play in my life but more true, gratitude towards my own ability to receive and thus, have I given myself.

Not that there is no gratitude for another, as gratitude arising is simply a natural process. However, directing gratitude to the other and forgetting self is as good as confirming smallness and inadequacy within. Gratitude works both ways, not from me to the other or the other to me but me and the other. Having said that though, if smallness and inadequacy is real to me, I cannot just sweep it under the carpet but to invite myself into the space of inquiry which is yet another opportunity to grow. Whatever experiences I derive during the experience or aftermath, is all my own doing and my own to claim. Where is the part of the other in all this except part of the world as a learning ground to grow and experience?

Really, if there is a need – an expression of appreciation will do. 🙂

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The Meeting Place

Jan 15th, 2011 by

How bitterly does everyone tied to this world defend the specialness he wants to be the truth! His wish is law unto him, and he obeys. Nothing his specialness demands does he withhold. Nothing it needs does he deny to what he loves. And while it calls to him, he hears no other Voice. No effort is too great, no cost too much, no price too dear to save his specialness from the least slight, the tiniest attack, the whispered doubt, the hint of threat, or anything but deepest reverence. This is your son, beloved of you as you are to your Father. Yet it stands in place in place of your creations, who are son to you, that you might share the Fatherhood of God, not snatch it from Him. What is this son that you have made to be your strength? What is this child of earth on whom such love is lavished? What is this parody of God’s creation that takes the place of yours? And where are they, now that the host of God has found another son which he prefers to them.

The memory of God shines not alone. What is within your brother still contains all of creation, everything created and creating, born and unborn as yet, still in the future or apparently gone by. What is in him is changeless, and your changelessness is recognized in its acknowledgement. The holiness in you belongs to him. And by your seeing it in him, returns to you. All of the tribute you have given specialness belongs to him and thus returns to you. All of the love and care, the strong protection, the thought by day and night, the deep concern, the powerful conviction this is you belong to him. Nothing you gave to specialness but is his due. And nothing due him is not due to you.

How can you know your worth while specialness claims you instead? How can you fail to know it is in his holiness? Seek not to make your specialness the truth, for it it were, you would be lost indeed. Be thankful, rather, it is given you to see his holiness because it is the truth. And what is true in him must be as true in you.

Ask yourself this: can you protect the mind? The body, yes, a little–not from time, but temporarily. And much you think you save, you hurt. What would you save it for? For in that choice lie both its health and harm. Save it for show, as bait to catch another fish, to house your spcialness in better style or weave a frame of loveliness around your hate, and you condemn it to decay and death. And if you see this purpose in your brother’s, uch is your condemnation of your own. Weave, rather then, a frame of holiness around him that the truth may shine on him and give you safety from decay.

The Father keeps what He created safe. You cannot touch it with the false ideas you made because it was created not by you. Let not your foolish fancies frighten you. What is immortal cannot be attacked; what is but temporal has no effect. Only the purpose that you see in it has meaning, and if that is true, its safety rests secure. If not, it has no purpose and is means for nothing. Whatever is perceived as means for truth shares in its holiness and rests in light as safely as itself. Nor will that light go out when it is gone. Its holy purpose gave it immortality, setting another light in Heaven, where your creations recognise a gift from you, a sign that you have not forgotten them.

The test of everything on earth is simply this: “What is it for?” The answer makes it what it is for you. It has no meaning of itself, yet you can give reality to it according to the purpose which you serve. Here you are but means, along with it. God is a Means as well as End. In Heaven, means and end are one, and one with Him. This is the state of true creation, found not within time, but in eternity. To no one here is this describable. Nor is there any way to learn what this condition means. Not till you go past learning to the Given; not till you make again a holy home for your creations is it understood.

A co-creator with the Father must have a Son. Yet must this Son have been created like Himself. A perfect being, all-encompassing and all-encompassed, nothing to add and nothing taken from–not born of size nor weight nor time nor held to limits or uncertainties of any kind. Here do the means and end unite as one, nor does this one have any end at all. All this is true, and yet it has no meaning to anyone who still retains one unlearned lesson in his memory, one thought with purpose still uncertain, or one wish with a divided aim.

This course makes no attempt to teach what cannot easily be learned. Its scope does not exceed your own, except to say that what is yours will come to you when you are ready. Here are the means and purpose separate because they were so made and so perceived. And therefore do we deal with them as if they were. It is essential it be kept in mind that all perception still is upside down until its purpose has been understood. Perception does not seem to be a means. And it is this that makes it hard to grasp the whole extent to which it must depend on what you see it for. Perception seems to teach you what you see.  Yet it but witnesses to what you taught. It is the outward picture of a wish–an image that you wanted to be true.

Look at yourself, and you will see a body. Look at this body in a different light, and it looks different. And without a light, it seems that it is gone. Yet you are reassured that it is there because you still can feel it with your hands and hear it move. Here is an image that you want to be yourself. It is the means to make your wish come true. It gives the eyes with which you look on it, the hands that feel it, and the ears with which you listened to the sounds it makes. It proves its reality to you.

Thus is the body made a theory of yourself with no provisions made for evidence beyond itself and no escape within its sight. Its course is sure when seen through its own eyes. It grows and withers, flourishes and dies. And you cannot conceive of you apart from it. You brand it sinful, and you hate its acts, judging it evil. Yet your specialness whispers, “Here is my own beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” Thus does the “son” become the means to serve his “father’s” purpose. Not identical, not even like, but still a means to offer to the “father” what he wants. Such is the travesty on God’s creation. For as His Son’s creation gave Him joy and witness to His love and shared His purpose, do does the body testify to the idea that made it and speak for its reality and truth.

And thus are two sons made, and both appear to walk this earth without a meeting-place and no encounter. One do you see outside yourself, your own beloved son. The other rests within. His Father’s Son, within your brother as he is in you. Their difference does not lie in how they look, nor where they go, nor even what they do. They have a different purpose. It is this that joins them to their like and separates each from all aspects with a different purpose. The Son of God retains His Father’s Will. The son of man perceives an alien will and wishes it were so. And thus does his perception serve his wish by giving it appearances of truth. Yet can perception serve another goal. It is not bound to specialness but by your choice. And it is given you to make a different choice and use perception for a different purpose. And what you see will serve that purpose well and prove its own reality to you.

– A Course in Miracles, Chapter 24:VIII

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Mine Field

Jan 10th, 2011 by

There is this mine field where I know lots of gold are buried underneath.

If I shun away from the mine field thinking that it’d be dangerous and that I’d die there, then I will totally deprive myself of the treasures that can be mine. If I am walking away from the field thinking that I’d just want to be peaceful then I’m just telling myself that I don’t want to be not peaceful and I don’t want what is not peaceful to me.

But what is the truth? The truth is I want the gold, I want what is mine and therefore I want what is not peaceful because therein it hides my gold, my treasure. Each discomfort I feel tells me the lies that I am still believing about myself and if I am walking away from it because I think I want peace, I’m also acknowledging within myself that I have no peace, hence wanting peace.

So I want what is not peaceful, what causes me discomfort because in that discomfort, I investigate the lie and bring that which has gone way off to the other end of the pendulum swing, back to its balance, back to where it is rightfully meant to be.

I like all that brings me discomposure because I will know what areas left I’m left to be healed, left to undo; to purify yet the remnants or the little left which I still secretly believe about myself.

So if you find me in a depression, be happy for me; for I’m going through the dark night willingly, carrying the torch of truth to shine light on the dark patches still remaining to be brought to dissipate. Rejoice with me that I am returning to innocence. Celebrate with me that I am freeing you from being my ancient scapegoat.

And then we’d party not all night long, not at a bar; but in Eternity, in the Sanctuary – Our Sanctuary – where there is no ‘you’ or ‘I’ in it.

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Creation

Jan 8th, 2011 by

It is not I as in the body that I see in the mirror everyday that represents me as the creative being. My body itself is a creation by me and not me. Likewise I cannot say that anything I experience outside of me as in what I see, what I hear, is not of me and none of my doing or any of my business as all that comes into my awareness is already mine and hence created by me, as in a creation. They are all, but all that comes to me in my experience – my creation yet is not me but of me, of what I believe them to be and thus myself. Still, none of them represents me of what or who I truly am except merely a creation by me, to escape what I truly believe to be true.

But what can be true, only except in my imagination? Not to partake the perception that others are not real and yet I am real as in the body is of no difference from being in lie that I believe to be true. I think I am typing, I think I am speaking, I think I am brushing my teeth – all, but all of what I think is a lie.

When teachers or helpful resources suggest that we are the creative beings that God intend us to be, they were not speaking to me as in the form of which we think we are but to who we rightfully and truthfully who still thinks we dwell in a body which belongs to us, which we think we are responsible for. Thus each move, each action to beautify and glorify myself although thinking anyone out there is merely a mirror is too a delusional lie in which I believe in. This body itself is also another mirror, telling me what I secretly think of myself – those eyes, those ears, those breasts, those legs… not one is left out but to continue a dream which is simply, just a dream.

Each of us are in truth part of a whole integral collective,  only seeming to occupy a space that we seem to be responsible for – the subset mind of an integral mind of which is believed by none other but ourselves – split to umpteen manys as individuals. Yet when one begins to look within, continuously striving towards the truth in an admit of defeat – each layer of lie is then stripped off. It is not astonishing to note that what exists in one’s mind is no different from another, yet an imposter we are to mask what is the same secret that each one of us hold.

What is the difference, if I turn the radar inwards not blaming others and put all blame onto myself? What difference is this body which I think I dwell in, with any other body that is vision-ed outside? A lie, a lie… yet a lie so necessary to hide my deepest darkest secret – the unfair just which I hold steadfastly, not ready to lose those last pieces.

Only the willingness to be taught, He says.  I say, only the willingness to be wronged. And in that wrongness, am I made right, correctly, exactly, accurately, precisely and perfectly where no more menace can ever shake my core which I thought once could be shaken.

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Ability to Receive and Give

Jan 6th, 2011 by

What is the point of giving when what is given is not received? Hence, what is the difference of whom it is given, when it is you who have received? Would the information or sharing benefit you any less if it was not for you? But if you have been uplifted through the information or sharing, then can you say that the giving was not given you?

Recently, a participant I was working with repeatedly expressed her gratitude as she has gained much from what I shared with her during our alone and group discussions. There was this particular day where she wrote me an email thanking me for a sharing I did some previous nights ago on a certain topic. She also shared in her email that she had a thought that I did it for her since I was working with her on her issue individually hence a perception of giving. Wisely, she soon realised that the very topic was common, and that it was not specifically targeted at her but to everybody on the floor. Although it seemed as if that was what I was doing at that point in time as in sharing a common topic with a group of people, but whoever the information or sharing is received which is beyond my control, then the information or sharing is specifically given them. So it is not to say that it is not for her – for even if I had did it for her, and she had not receive it, then my giving would have been redundant; but if she has benefited from the sharing, thus receiving at her end, then the giving was specifically just for her. Isn’t it obvious? Who is the one understanding?

Of course, I am not undermining her expression of gratitude, but it is more true is say that her capability to understand what I had shared was truly her own doing. The giving is not a giving when it has not been received; yet the giving and receiving is complete within oneself when it is recognised that it is he or she herself who was giving and receiving – to him or herself.

You see, the moment I have received, I have given myself and the cycle is thus completed.

Not that there is no need to be grateful, but be grateful to yourself instead for whatever that is received, is your entitlement.

If there arises a need to express to another, a simple ‘thank you’ will do. 🙂

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Ignorance or Wisdom

Jan 3rd, 2011 by

There are only two types of perceptions which one can subscribe to – ignorance or wisdom.

We don’t like to think that we are ignorant. The good news is, it is not us which are ignorant. It is the perception which has ignorance in it that makes us look like it, or rather allows our experiences to be so. If perception has wisdom in it, needless to say, our experiences that follow suit will have wisdom in it.

The difference between these two perceptions is one leads to pain, and the other leads peace and freedom. What I mean to say by pain is mental pain, not of physical pain though when mental pain is not addressed long enough, it will manifest as physical pain; for it makes no difference that the body is free, but the mind is in pain. Of course, if there is no pain in the mind, there will be no pain in the body. Still remnants of dis-ease can still be projected onto the body but if the mind already has wisdom in its perception, one can be sure that pain has no meaning and cannot hold a grip on which we truly are.

It is very strange that the very contrast of ignorance is wisdom, yet through the eyes of wisdom, there is no ignorance but innocence. It is as if in the eyes of wisdom, everything is pure and innocent and there can be no fault but simply just a mistake. Of course, the difference between a mistake and a fault are merely meanings put into differentiation of views of the same thing; yet consider again how we truly perceive the meaning of mistake and fault? It is a vast difference. In mistake, there is some sort of gentleness accompanying forgiveness but in fault, there is some sort of harshness that comes with a sense of needing for punishment, resentment or blame. If I recognise a mistake you have made, but still hold you responsible as in blame you for it, then that is not a mistake that I have truly recognised but camouflaging a harder truth I am holding on to – which is fault. This is a clear case of ignorance, but when I am able to recognise that and I do mean truly recognise my ignorance with wisdom, then I see myself with eyes of compassion which accompanies a sense of innocence with forgiveness in it that unfolds naturally without requiring me to beat myself up for it.

The very rule of the game is however, this – ignorance begets ignorance and wisdom begets wisdom. If we have been living a life of ignorance, how can there be hope to sow wisdom? It is through awareness. With awareness itself, the automatic reactions can be stalled through our conscious choice of non-reacting and this can result in a break in the patterns of ignorance although also depending on the intention behind the attitude of non-reacting. In this break, something of normality which in this case is the usual running patterns of ignorance is being undone – a term most spiritual teachers like to use. This intermediate break allows wisdom to whisk in although it may be subtle in the beginning and we may not feel a thing about it in the beginning. But rest assured, something is already being undone and done at the mind level and all that is required is to continuously practice. It can be helpful to begin building a sound foundation by listening to talks, discussions or reading books with wisdom as its essence. Of course ultimately, in my own experience, wisdom is not something we can derive from books or listening to others but to be realised. In truth, wisdom does not really belong to anyone special – not to Buddha, to J, to whatever spiritual teachers that we may cross path with. Wisdom is universal and is part of our innate nature, only if we move out of the way and allow ourselves to be touched by Wisdom. Do note that I mentioned, to be touched by Wisdom and not to seek Wisdom. It does not need to be seek, for it has always been present only that we are oblivious to it when we refuse to be true and honest to ourselves.

Some say, ignorance is bliss. Perhaps so when buttons are not pushed. Until when one experiences the heightened emotions of a trigger point, it is not surprising that one will automatically turn towards the path of wisdom.

Many may argue that wisdom is just another way of looking at things and situations, as in to perceive things and situations differently. I’d say that wisdom allows us not only another way, but many, many ways to look at things or situations. It is so flexible, supple and loving to the extent that in any way we look at it with wisdom in our perception, there is so much kindness and sweetness in it that joy and freedom is what we derived. There is no other way, but to delight in experiences with wisdom in our perception.

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