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Freeing Labels & Concepts

Jun 7th, 2010 by

Labels onto certain persons in our lives put these people up on the pedestal. A dad, a mom, a teacher, a BFF (best friend forever), a lover or whatever; because of the preconceived concepts or ideas of these roles by society which our mind had inevitably took it for real without questioning, limitations arises from these. Like it or not, we are almost ruled by these concepts when we don’t take the initiative to question them.

I was at a wedding dinner recently of a used-to-be close friend. I use the words ‘used-to-be’ because I cannot qualify her as someone whom I am still ‘connected’ with at the present state of my life. We used to have lots in common, but now we don’t know if they still exist. She has moved on with her life and so have I; and since we took no effort to map out details of our past journeys to each other, I deem us as ‘used-to-be’ close. See? Concepts! I have a concept or an idea that close friends are supposed to keep in touch with each other constantly and if they return from overseas, they ought to take an initiative to meet up or at least call. This shows that we are still close and connected, no?

On another note, since when had that become a requirement for friendships, especially close ones? If we have always been connected and close to each other anyway from the beginning, why the need to call or ‘report’ our flow of life to each other at all? Is it not enough to trust each other’s growth and be there when a call is heard, if a call is heard? And what is wrong if the call is not to you, but to someone else? Is there any wrong to it?

If I did not question my lack of peace and the concept behind these thoughts, I might buy into the story that ‘she does not appreciate me anymore’, ‘she does not care for me anymore’, ‘she has forgotten about our friendship’, ‘she has betrayed me’, ‘she does not need me anymore’, or ‘I am no longer important or mean anything to her in her life anymore’. But, is that more true than how I am feeling towards her at this moment in time?

Let’s turn the radar around and question these thoughts.

‘she does not appreciate me anymore’ – ‘do I appreciate her?’

‘she does not care for me anymore’ – ‘do I care for her anymore?’

‘she has forgotten about our friendship’ – ‘have I forgotten about our friendship?’

‘she has betrayed me’ – ‘have I betrayed her?’

‘she does not need me anymore’ – ‘do I need her anymore?’

‘I am no longer important or mean anything to her in her life anymore’ – ‘is she is no longer important or means anything to me in my life anymore?’

When I am truly candid with my needs or lacks, I will realize that my lack of peace had nothing to do with how closely connected my friend and I were or still are. There is nothing to it. She was a friend whom I had needed to hang out with for a period of time at one point of my life, and today, she is also a friend, whom I am here to celebrate her union with another. Period. Connectedness or closeness of a friendship or relationship are not based on X amount of times we speak to each other, or Y amount of times we chat, or Z amount of times we meet. In Truth, we have never been separated by space or time. Our seeing of bodies as real and their reaction to us make us believes that we are separated. But when I close my eyes and open my heart I find that no one has ever left me, not even my swimming coach, my grandfather or my aunt who had passed away years ago.

If we are truly honest with ourselves, we will find out whether the answers are true or false. Until we are truly genuine with ourselves, we will continuously view the outer world as a threat to us, forgetting that we are indeed the cause of everything.

When I say we are the cause of everything in this case, I am not meaning to say “we” as in “you” and “I” but merely the concepts and ideas that infringe the mind. Can we, as in “you” and “I” now begin to see that these concepts and ideas are the ones which are binding to our experiences? As much as the concepts and ideas are not us per se, but it is important that we take responsibility to undo those that does not serve our wellbeing because as long as they (limiting concepts which binds) go unobserved and uninvestigated, what we experience is continuously played out like a broken recorder, in a never ending vicious cycle. Ignorance will lead us to think that it is the outer world that is causing our discomfort when in truth, whatever that is found in the inner realm of the mind is the cause of all that we experience. Freeing concepts which limits us escorts the way to inner freedom and inner peace, and that is of utmost important to our peace of mind. Now, that is a concept too; but a loving concept that serves and benefits our wellbeing.

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The Bored Mind

Jun 6th, 2010 by

A few nights ago, I decided to buy red rice and ponni rice to create variety in my rice & water fasting diet. If water had any other flavor, trust me, I would have bought them too. Yesterday morning, as I gulped a spoonful of the mixed red and ponni rice (cooked, of course), I found them to be somewhat delicious; as opposed to the boring, yucky brown and white rice that I have been having for the past few days or rather, years.

It was interesting to observe that the mind now finds that the red rice + ponni rice mix is more delicious and decides that it might be able to carry on the rice & water fasting until the required period for the fasting ends; but in a few days, if the ‘dish’ remains as red rice + ponni rice, I am pretty sure the mind would start feeling bored again and may complain that the red and ponni rice are too, yucky to the point of nausea.

So the mind is always in for wanting something new, and after having it, never wanting to stay loyal. Where is its loyalty? This reminds back to the mind’s attitude towards other things too – like the switching of shampoos, facial cleansers, body lotions… The brands currently used are perfectly fine, yet the mind is inclined to try out new stuffs pointed out in a magazine or as and when recommended by friends.

No wonder manufacturers have to come up with so many sales promotions and marketing gimmicks to entice customers to stay loyal to their brand!

But if it is true that the mind is constantly wavering, how did we arrive knowingly of this quality called, ‘loyalty’. Peculiar, peculiar…

So it seems that the need to waver is the arising of boredom. And boredom sets in when the mind is in a monotonous mode doing the same thing over and over again, or rather in this case, eating the same thing over and over again. Consider this – red rice, ponni rice, brown rice, calrose rice or white rice generally taste the same yet are somewhat different. If the mind does not perceive differentiation in the types of rice, could it be possible there be no difference in taste at all in the types of rice that were mentioned? And if that is the case, is it then possible that one thing could produce different tastes at different times depending on the mental states? Possible, possible!

So where I am getting at is this. Perhaps the red rice and the ponni rice tasted exactly like the brown rice and the white rice; but because I allowed the mind to perceive the ‘brand new’ red and ponni rice variance to be of something interesting compared to the yucky brown and white rice mixture, the mind was already inclining towards that direction of “hmm, this tastes better!”

Having said that, these are all just the mind’s imagination. The mind is capable of imagining many many things, distorting reality into multiple levels of fantasies that do not exist and yet become so real to anyone buying into it.

Just recently, I was experiencing feelings of being betrayed or being abandoned, all accompanied by unverified stories churning in the mind. What was a relationship based on mutual trust, respect and support turned out to be something that was attacking me and threatening my well-being; and yet as I consciously traced back for evidence, choosing to see clearly – nothing had in fact happened. Everything was just the mind’s imagination, seeking for evidence to either prove it right or prove it wrong. The stories which were seemingly performing a benevolent purpose were actually reinforcing my sense of unworthiness thus the illusionary sense of “I”.

Back to the rice variance, beneath the boring state of the mind lays an idea. An idea that life should be more interesting than this, with spice! I must add. And what if life is not interesting, or exciting; and the idea shares that I might as be as good as dead.

Ideas, ideas… Too grateful for the gift of stepping back, that recognition is possible. By mere recognition, I am already out of it, just observing the mind play its own game with itself, so like what my teacher says, “Let it dance to its end.” Our job is just to observe, and recognize.

This entry reminds me of an article my teacher wrote quite some time ago titled Playing the Same Old Clay. Enjoy!

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Living Life

Jun 5th, 2010 by

For a while now I have realized how the living life in societal context is actually meaningless. A friend once asked me, that if she was not playing mom to her kids, wife to her husband, teacher to her students, who then is she? Coincidently, my teacher also mentioned something about mid-life crisis last night during a sharing. While I am not very sure what mid-life crisis is all about but I do get a hint that it is about questioning the meaning of life. And in a different conversation with my Darling, she mentioned that she met up with a cousin who told her that in life, there must be goals so that there is to be excitement or what we say in Cantonese ‘chi kek’.

Yes, haven’t we heard? But consider that without all those goals and doings, who are we? I was reading a story called “Mr. Nobody” from the Little Men series to my daughter where Mr. Happy told Mr. Nobody who keeps insisting that he is a nobody, that everybody is a somebody. Is that really true? But who are we but the some “bodies” defined by a bundle of thoughts and ideas?

Having been on a rice and water fast during this period, it is interesting that the mind interprets that life is indeed meaningless without much variance of taste if not for different spices made possible to have different experiences. Why do people go to a buffet line? Some go to eat all they can, while some go for the variety. I like the variety part, which explains why the taste of rice, and rice only would seem so dull and yucky to me to a point of nausea. But if I were to carefully observe the mind again, it is all about spice. It is all about the excitement to experience different taste (in this case of food), to satisfy the thirsting drive for thrill and variety so to speak. Remember when Celine Dion’s ‘My Heart will Go on’ was playing again and again and again over the radio when the movie Titanic was screening? Listeners loved that they were able to listen to their ‘favorite’ song of that time over the radio, but after a while listeners got bored citing that it was overplayed. Some of them still thinks that this song is really disgusting up till today… guess the ‘overloaded’ feeling is still fresh in their minds!  So, it looks like too much of a favorite anything can lead to boredom and thereafter disgust to a certain extent too.

So back to the meaningless part of living life in a societal context. Everything is meaningless if we are living to endure – to make ends meet, to be somebody, to make my parents proud, to fulfill a legacy. There is no meaning to it. We wake up, brush our teeth, dress up, go to work, come home, have dinner, watch TV, make love (if we are lucky) and then go to sleep and by the time the alarm clock rings again, we are up doing the same robotic routine again. Of course, I am not saying that this applies to all. It is very encouraging to see more and more young people willing to take the risk to live their hearts’ desire than following the mass. But having said that again, without that desire, life itself, is in fact meaningless. Again, are we moved to sway with desire, or are we creating a desire to exist? Each connotation once again calls for different results and experiences. People think that it is important to live a legacy, but to whom would the legacy be left for? The point here is not about leaving a legacy or a good name so to speak but more of relevant examples or role model types to encourage the good will of others. Why not instead, live. Just live, instead of living for something which is meaningless. We think it is an aim, but it is just a delusional aim.  What we are blessed with at the end of day is the experience of bliss and joy and freedom. If legacy and money accompanies it, then so be it! What would have deemed to be meaningless initially then becomes meaningful, in service to the Spirit within instead.

And to live means to abide to our heart’s desires. To live is to find freedom and bliss despite the limitations. To live is to never look back and regret. To live is to never look forward and worry. In order to even have a chance to live, is to be here and now – to embrace all that is already present here for each and every one of us through our senses – of which make the experiential myriads of encounters possible.

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Confession

Jun 4th, 2010 by

I was told that there are confession boxes in churches, where priests sit in and wait for followers to go into the box to confess their sins. I have never visited one as far as I can recall, but I remember a friend telling me many years ago that each time she wanted to scold someone terribly, she would do it (as in scold that someone terribly) before a church service or before confession and then go into the confession box to confess and thereafter seek forgiveness or absolution from the priest. The priest being known as the leader of the church would normally be all too forgiving. After the confession, she would pretend that nothing happened and was friends again with that someone that she scolded. I wondered then, if that was what a confession box was for.

A confession is defined by Oxford as admitting that one is guilty of a crime; admitting something that one is slightly ashamed of; a formal admission of one’s sins to a priest (which we have already covered above); or a declaration of one’s religious beliefs, principles and etc. I guess the words such as crime, shame, sins in each different definitions of the word ‘Confession’, is enough to shutter one away from it.

Imagine that we would have to confess all our sins, crimes, and shames, what would it be like? Would we do it defensively, justifying our sins, crimes or shames; or would we be vulnerable, totally honest in each of what we have to own up to? When we justify our mistakes, we defend them over and over again, with a great deal of time and energy; while the latter releases us from the depths of our pain and frees us from the limitation of the past. In the latter, we allow whatever misperceptions to be brought up to the conscious awareness for attention and healing.

There is no one who has never made a mistake. A sin made is an opportunity to bring any unconscious guilt buried to the surface to be embraced, that is all. There is nothing to it. No one can judge us, nor give us an absolution, save for ourselves. And yet, we find ourselves unconsciously defending ourselves, pointing our fingers outwards to the directions of our brothers and sisters, making them responsible for our pain, shame or sin. Haven’t we learned that no one can hurt us; haven’t we learned that no one too, can save us?  

The hardest bit to confession is having the courage to own up the guilt and face the shame. We are so afraid of what others think and judge of us that we hide behind a façade thinking that it is out of harm’s way. But on the other hand, we batter ourselves by the ceaseless and never-ending scheming of defense and justification, thinking that as long as no one knows, we are safe. But, dear one, we are our best enemy: we know what is in us, where else can we hide? We wake up to it and sleep with it. Even if it is forgotten, it does not go away but buried in the abyss of the mind, waiting for its opportunity to be unleashed. Until we look at it, it will constantly be projected onto others. What may be an innocent statement or action by another becomes a vicious attack to us. This tireless cycle never ends. At the end of the day, we are stripped off of everything, and still only one thing remains with us – what we fear most to look at.

My inner teacher says, “Confess to yourself. Confess to your mate, your boss, even to the stranger on the street. Do not be concerned about what people think. You are transmitting a revolutionary teaching. Your confession gives others permission to look at their own mistakes with compassions.”

This exactly reminds me of my gratitude each time my teacher shares his experiences with me. In that space, I feel as if he was no longer a teacher put up on a pedestal, but someone who was on the same journey as me. From his experiences, his sins, and his shames, it gave me permission to be gentle, forgiving and compassionate with myself too.

Having forgiven our own sins, we too then are able to extend the same forgiveness to others. Until we have faced our own inner demons, are we able to support and encourage others to do the same. Any form of shame or sin is a deceit in our reality, and the longer we hang on to them, the sooner the deceit becomes our actuality. To end suffering, we must bring truth to all deceits and that can only be done when we begin to tell ourselves the truth. There is nothing to lose except the shame and confusion of misperceptions. Having the courage to admit our mistakes enables us to forgive ourselves and thereafter release us from pain, struggles, sufferings and most importantly, delusions.

Confide in whom, you may ask – to yourself, to your brother or sister, and most importantly, to Truth. The person whom we confide in is not one whom we had or must put on a pedestal. It may not even be a person. This confession merely serves to prevent ourselves from falling into the bottomless pit of self-hatred, misery and anguish. And the only thing we need is courage and honesty to admit our mistakes, that is all.

J says once more, “There is no mistake that cannot be corrected. There is no trespass that cannot be forgiven. That is my teaching. It is not just through my words that you can understand it. Everything I taught I also demonstrated in my life. How then can I ask less of you, my friend?”

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The Gift

Jun 3rd, 2010 by

The gift is entrusted to us for safe keeping, for nurturing and development and ultimately for expression. But it is not our gift per se. We are the giver of the gift, not the creator of it. The gift comes from Spirit. It merely comes through us.

Both giving and receiving require openness and trust in the process as it unfolds.

All gifts carry an energy and an intention. Let us trust this and let the gift do its work. It is impossible to give the gift and hold onto it at the same time. To give it, we must let it go.

We cannot evaluate the gift. That is not our job. Our job is simply to give the gift freely, without strings attached.

Its value will become clear in time, first to others, and then maybe to us. For all that we give returns to us sooner or later.

Let us lay our expectations down now and trust the process. That is the best attitude we can bring to service.

We cannot know who will come and be served and who will come and find the branches bare. That is not up to us.

Breathing in, we accept what comes. Breathing out, we let it go. Acceptance and surrender are the engines of grace in this world. Let us submit to them and save ourselves a lot of struggle.

The gift is not given to benefit us, but to benefit others. Of course, if it benefits others, it will eventually benefit us. But don’t hold your breath! And don’t give to get back because that doesn’t work.

Whatever we become attached to becomes a cross that we must bear. At first it may appear to be a pedestal that we mount to great veneration and applause, but it won’t be long before we have to drag that heavy lumber with us up the hill. That’s when we realise it is not a pedestal but a cross, and the people who have come to watch are not our fans, but our enemies.

Our gift is given not to lift us up, but to uplift others. If we try to make it be about us, instead of about them, we will turn the gift into a spear that will aggravate our wound of unworthiness.

If that happens, let’s try to learn from it. Some of us have to revisit the wound in powerful ways in order to finally heal it.

*Embracing Our True Self – by Paul Ferrini*

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Mindfulness – the Observation & Understanding of the Mind

Jun 1st, 2010 by

An aunt called yesterday and was asking how I was. The last she spoke to me, I told her that I was in a transition and was feeling depressed. She asked me curiously what I was depressed about. While I tried my level best to explain to her of what I was going through during that period of time, I was also aware of my intentions and whatever that was arising in me at that point of conversing and interaction.

It was easier to explain that I was watching what was arising in me at every point in time, than the ultimate truth, which is that I was watching what was arising in the mind, which is not me, at every point in time – in short, I was being mindful. It takes a while for people to realize that they are not their minds, and their minds are not them. It always takes a while for people to understand (myself included) that most of the time, they are being misled by the mind, making them think that it is them doing all the talking, the thinking, the doing and etc, which in fact is not the truth.

So my aunt was saying to me, “that is why we need to control the mind, right?” If she was referring to mastering the mind, then I would have totally agreed with her. But she was coming from the space where “control” to mean a form of “suppressing” the mind, which I found was another form of denial or sweeping “it” under the carpet. The “control” in the latter meaning can be detrimental to one’s wellbeing.

People don’t understand that we can’t really “control” the mind until we finally understand how it works and thus lead it to the right direction. It is also very seldom that the general mass would understand how it actually works. While there are helpful books to support the teachings of how ‘Law of Attraction’ actually works, Paul Ferrini says that it is important to journey inwards with self-awareness. With the self-awareness, the observation of the mind can come in a detached manner which aids the observer from different levels (depending where one is) to finally understand how the mind works. Only by understanding how it works can there be a better or clearer possibility of examining the ideas in the mind which had been projected outwards. It is in the observation and understanding of the mind that could ever lead one to unlearn the limiting beliefs or ideas that one has in the mind thus to create new ones for new experiences to be possible.

Someone asked me once, why do we need to know how the mind works? It’s simple. If we had understood the mechanics of something, wouldn’t we be in better position to be the driver of our own experiences? If we were truly honest and authentic with ourselves, we would soon realize that we were not really living life. We were being conditioned to live life a certain way, with certain rules, beliefs or conditions, as if our patterns had already been set into a certain motion that events in our lives repeatedly happen again and again in a vicious cycle without strings of any possibility to break it.

The gist of mindfulness is in observation. Although we always knew there was this thing called the mind, but we never really understood what it is, or how it works. I could never reiterate enough the importance of knowing how the mind works, and it is truly as simple as ABC. In spite of that, because of its simplicity, it is also one of the hardest things to practice – that is to remember.  

And yet, that remembering to be mindful is such indeed a rewarding journey for anyone who is on the path towards Truth. There is nothing truly more gratifying than an inward journey Home. Although it may suddenly sound scary to some, but it is beyond doubt a worthwhile journey. In a book I once read, it said that in order for there to be world peace, there must be inner peace within each of us. And, this is where this practice can lead you to – inner peace and inner freedom; only requirements are courage, willingness and honesty.

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None of My F*%king Business

May 27th, 2010 by

Today I bumped into a dear one during breakfast, whilst waiting for another dear one to arrive. Unfortunately, the dear one whom I had an appointment with did not turn up because the dear one whom I bumped into turned up. During breakfast, he asked me, “so how are you? Long time no see.” It was comical because he lives just behind my house and we hardly physically meet each other. I teasingly joked, “how do you know that I do not see you every night?” and his reply was, “hrmf, where got… never come see me also… no need come see me lah… whatever it is… NOMFB – None of My F*%king Business!”

I smirked a sheepish smile, again being wooed by the wisdom of NOMFB. But when he went on and went complaining how no one cares for him and thus he should not care for another as much, I begin to recognize an ancient pattern of ignorance – resignation, instead of right understanding which led to the NOMFB attitude.

NOMFB is indeed a very powerful idea that could bring peace to our inner being provided that it is from the space of wisdom, from the right understanding and right perceptive. Many a times, when we are caring for someone – be it a parent, a partner, a friend, a sibling, a child – we tend to get carried away and start to overextend ourselves. Over-extend here means, making decisions for others when others are supposed to make decisions for themselves; and the simple opposite of this is under-extension where when we are to make our own decisions but give away our power for others to do so. In both extremes is a form of self-betrayal, not taking full responsibility of oneself. We either take away other’s power or simply give away our power to others. It’s the same thing only that the pendulum is swinging from one end to another repeatedly, in ceaseless ignorance.

To finally arrive at a place where we stand in our own space neither over-extending nor under-extending ourselves is to be at peace with ourselves with wisdom as its root. However, to arrive at NOMFB due to resignation is ignorance at work. In a resignation mentality of ‘NOMFB’ lays more of a ‘I-give-up’ state of mind, rather than out of the right understanding. What peace could there be, except resentment towards the world, always in defense of oneself, weary of attacks coming on. This is a quality necessary to be recognized and thereafter transcended in order to be at peace with oneself and the world.

There can be much wisdom in NOMFB. Of course, we may omit the ‘F’ word if you will, but it is all the same. If I am truly standing in my space, taking responsibility of and for myself, trusting myself; I can bless you with that too… to trust you to unfold your own journey without my interference, my ideas and my expectations. Although it may seem daunting for those who are finally ‘released’ from another’s hold of overextension, the under-extended brother will eventually learn to rise up to his own integrity and true self.

Without minding your business, I am free to love and accept you freely. I am able to be more present and to support you in journey in a loving way. If I don’t mind your business, it is not because I don’t care; it is because I care too much and understand that in order for you to grow, you will have to do the walking; without me carrying you.  And without my constant watch over you, you are free to grow your wings and to rise up to your own greatness.

Wouldn’t we like to be blessed with such freedom to grow? Wouldn’t we like to bless others with such freedom to grow? Letting go from the space of wisdom leads to freedom, where else letting go from the space of ignorance only further binds the meanings or expectations that is already instilled in the mind. Which would you prefer? Freedom, or bondage?

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Old Flame, New Flame

May 26th, 2010 by

I never wondered what went on an ex’s mind until quite recently. Being an ex to someone myself, I never really investigated my intentions of thoughts, speech or actions; also until recently. I am wondering, when two people part, must it always be in a sense of resentment. Can a separation or a departure be of peace, for the love of oneself and another?

It’s hard. Because how could a break-up be merry? Even if it was by means of mutual consent, some resentment lingers on, waiting to be unleashed as and when – whether in rage, or in revenge. Both can come in different forms; with gentleness or harshness or furiousness. All depends on the ‘plan’ seeded in the head of the one being broken up with. Usually, the victim is someone who has been left in a relationship. Nevermind the storylines because they are all the same – all borrowed and recycled. If we are trying to tell ourselves, “no, my story with him or her is different” then we are just headed further into our ignorance, farther away from the truth.

Coming from a broken family myself, I would tend to work harder on making my relationship or marriage work; coming from an angle of a potential adulterous myself, I would tend to keep a tighter view of a hawk eye on my partner. Is it really my partner who cannot be trusted? Or is it me since I am aware of my own potential of being tempted, and then viewing my partner as a victim? And to curb that fear of being a victim myself, I would tend to grip him tighter so not to allow him to go astray or be tempted. Why? Because I fear the guilt I’d have to face.

Being an ex-girlfriend to many, or even a potential girlfriend-who-never-made-it to the blossoming of an official relationship, or even a girlfriend who had been literally dumped where the so-called ex-partner had fallen in love with another; what would my mental state be? I remember that each time I meet up with someone who knows any of my ex’s, I would enquire about their well-being –if they are doing well, if they are married, if they are happy with the current partners. Why? To compare! And although on the surface, I may say, “oh, I am so happy for him/her” but at the back of my mind, I am wishing that he/she would never be as happy as he/she was with me. Thus, when I do have an opportunity to connect with any of my ex, there is a tendency to behave in a more ‘superior’ way, projecting that ‘I am greater than thou’ attitude – “see, I am doing so much better without you.” It is that guilt of being left high and dry. It is that projection or reflection, whatever you call it, that reaffirms ‘how unworthy I am when you left me’.

Being in the shoes who had willingly asked for a break-up, there is too a kind of guilt. In that guilt, we constantly are concerned about the ‘victim’ whom we had broken up with – “if he/she is doing ok?”; “if he/she is already dating?”; “if he/she is happier with that person he/she is with now.” It is like, there is a certain kind of reliance to ensure that the ex partner is experiencing a better relationship with others just so to prove that it was a right move to have left him/her to justify the guilt. What nonsense!

“I” am always more important than anyone else. No matter how much I tell others I love them, or how much they tell me they love me, it is always “I” that is placed right at the top. Eventhough a relationship has been past tense for dog-gone years, “I” am still existing in the relationship in the present. How could that be when I am already happily with another? When we are reminiscing the memories of what happened, still strongly struck by the feelings that surfaces – that’s when we know we are still very much present tense to the relationship. And so my teacher asked before, when we think of something that happened yesterday, and we feel happy; were we happy yesterday or are we happy today? What you feel now is what you feel now, even if that memory were to be a zillion years ago. Thus are we living in the past, or in the present? We are here, but the mind is elsewhere – agreeing to the past stories of victimhood.

Both being dumped and dumping scenarios in a relationship are accompanied with a mentality of victimhood. Just yesterday I began to question the necessity of marriage. I was telling my teacher earlier this evening how binding this marriage thing is. When we say ‘I do’, I am not really committing to my partner but to myself that I would stay committed to this partner. But after some time, I may change my mind! This is indeed the nature of the mind! But because of the ‘binding contract’ in a marriage, or in my mind so to speak, I ‘suffer’ in silence and day dream about the possibilities of being with another in my mind. As if, that is not another form of adultery.

We are all victims in our own minds. In truth, nothing requires our commitment, whether to another person or thing and vice versa. So what is this big deal about parting with another except ideas which disallow our freedom to love and let go freely? As much as this, I am not preaching that people should not get married or should get a divorce or should go ahead and have an affair. What I am trying to say is that the only person we truly need to be committed to, is ourselves – the beingness in us – never having to betray our true self. In that state, no one can move or shake us – not a man, not a woman, not a marriage, not a break-up, not even an adultery.

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Comparison

May 24th, 2010 by

Can we ever, ever choose the pace of our growth? I remember comparing myself with those around me some time ago, never fully appreciating the space that I’ve arrived at. When I perceive that I am not any better or wiser than another, then I begin to beat myself up, ‘how could I not see it?’ And then it would head towards, ‘gosh, why can’t they see it?’ because I have grown since.

Comparison is always ongoing in each of us. When I take a picture with an object, and someone else takes a picture with the same object; we compare again. When I do some work, and someone else had done it before; the comparison thought is always there – if I look better than that person, or if he or she looks better than me; if I am doing better, or did he or she do it better?

The thing is this – there is no point of comparison. Each of us is as unique and special as we could ever be. Each of our learning curve, our growth pace differs from one to another. Even if we were to find someone or a group of friends who seemingly possess the same qualities, we can be sure that each of our journeys in life is still somewhat different. In fact, our starting points are also different.

So why the need to compare? Any sort of comparison will always require a confirmation. And this confirmation is usually accompanied by a sense of seeking for approval. In each of our minds, we already have a list of requirements to fulfill, so once the list is mentally ticked off, the result of our own seeks would be ‘YES! I am BETTER!! Haha!!’; but when it is not reflected outwards, instead of coming back again, we then tend to seek for opinion/approval from others, collecting evidence if ‘I am better’. In that situation, we give our power to anyone out there, to approve or confirm that we are in fact, good and worthy.  

If we were really authentic with ourselves, accepting ourselves as we are, it is likely that we too would accept others as they are; whether they progress or not, whether we grow or not. It doesn’t make any difference. Only separation tends to make us more judgmental of ourselves and others. Thoughts of comparison stem from an idea of unworthiness. You may not believe me, but if you were to authentically look within yourself, investigating each and every comparison thought that arises, then you will soon enough discover that behind those ideas is our own sense of unworthiness. On the very superficial level, we tend to think that we are great. But if we are truly great, then why the need for comparison at all? Why the need to put others on the rat race with us?

While others pulling us into the rat race are beyond our control, we must be aware that it is all only happening in their minds, in their experiences and has absolutely nothing to do with us and vice versa. We are only responsible for ourselves and to constantly remember to come back to ourselves, to be gentle with ourselves. You will be surprise how much gentleness and willingness can aid a person’s growth in all areas.

If I am able to true to myself, I am already home. And being home, I am already the best that I can be at this very moment in time. Loving myself at this stage, desire is born. And this desire, in loving myself, would alleviate me to higher learning anyway, because I am thriving all the time for the love of Truth – not to be better than anybody, or for anything.

To fully appreciate where I already am right now, is more powerful than longing to be where I am not yet; in fact, I cannot be sure if there is really somewhere or anywhere else I ought or need to be – For wherever that I am at this moment in time, is as perfect as it can ever get. This moment is Now; this moment is Reality… this moment is what God is…

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Posted in Ideas | 2 Comments »

Peak of Ecstasy, yet Nothing to do with You.

May 23rd, 2010 by

Am I really loving you? Or the experience that I am having with myself but with you in it? If it was another that I was experiencing this with, would it be then that I am loving another and not you? Would the result of my experience with you or another be of any different, except in the judgmental context of my mind? When I feel ecstatic, is it really you who makes me feel this way, or my own senses heightened which results in my ecstatic experience? So is it you, or is it the experience that I am in love with? If my experience is coming from the state of my mind, then how could it be you that I am in love with?

You touch me, but who feels it? Although it looks like you are the one touching me, it is actually just me touching me… because the touch on my skin, has brought about sensations which can only be interpreted in my mind. If my state of mind is joyful, then feeling of joy would be my experience. If my state of mind is fear, then feeling of pain or resentment might set in. Can you see then it has nothing to do with you? So how could I be in love with you?

When you sit next to me, your body brushing against mine, oooh that thrill… but is it really your body brushing against mine that is thrilling me, or is it my thought of your body brushing against mine that is thrilling me? If I had no thought of being thrilled by your body brushing against mine, then would I still be thrilled when your body is really brushing against mine? And if I had that thought of your body brushing against mine, thrilling me; then could be it that even without your body brushing against mine, the feeling of thrill visits me anyway? Then who or what am I feeling thrilled with, except with my own state of mind? So can you see now, my feeling of thrill, or ecstasy has nothing to do with you… and if my feeling of thrill or ecstasy has nothing to do with you, then how could I be hurt by you? That’s absolute crap.

And when I come back to me again, fully aware of my own mental states, although I see you, but I don’t really see you. I am only seeing me, because there is only me… swimming in the myriads of my own emotions, my own thoughts, my own state of mind…  So how could it be that there is someone else out there who could make me happy, make me sick, make me thrilled, or turn me off… absolute, absolute crap…

So when I know of this, and I understand and realize of this, I recognize and appreciate that you have never done anything. Can you imagine how freeing that could be for you and me? No, don’t imagine it… breathe in it! Because this IS the truth! We have never done anything to each other. We are free. And this definitely calls for a celebration of liberation!!

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Posted in Going Inwards | 2 Comments »

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