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The mind is often reminiscing past memories, in the moment; or dreaming of the future, in the moment – seldom, is it aware of what is happening at the present moment while the other parts of it is already performing its functions. It is as if it is separated from itself in the moment, oblivious of itself in totality. Something like an open fan, not apart from each other, but yet not aligned within itself.

When it finally notices itself, that is when awareness is around, it marvels for a moment and it comes back into one, dancing into the moment; of course, until it contacts with whatever that comes to its senses again whether through sight, smell, sound, touch, taste or thoughts, it spread out like an open fan once more. And this process is continuously happening, whether you ‘permit’ it or not.

Imagine in a situation when awareness is not aware which is a pretty common thing by the way, the fan remains open, perpetually motioning itself to move, flipping and thereafter multiplying its movement, perpetuating each moment into stories – the mind literally goes insane, misaligned and confused and if allowed long enough, it starts to move on its own, as if a life of its own.

Now, there must be someone holding the fan – which is the hand, not knowing that it is separated from the fan, but taking the fan as one. As the fan swifts faster, producing air, thus throws the effect of ‘wind’ as in the world in the case of the mind, and its’ producing air is liken to the projection of the world. Everything out there in the world is effect, including the body, though still unknown to some; similar to the hand that holds the fan and thinks that the fan is the hand.

And since the fan has endured a movement so perturbed and rapid, it could fly in the air by itself, and the hand that holds the fan follows it. Until the hand that holds the fan learns to let go or rather detach from the fan, at a same time allow the fan to lose its momentum by itself; however, that is only possible when there is realisation that the hand is not the fan, and that the fan has its own nature and functions. You see, what arises has to cease into the moment although for some, a moment can seem like a minute, an hour, a day or even a decade; dictated by time.

Watching the fan fleeter on its own, run by its own innate nature, whom the hand belongs to then understand its nature hence realises. And because the fan is not separated from the hand, though the hand is not the fan, the fan will begin to follow the movement of the hand instead, rather than running wild on its own accord, occasionally leading its master to Timbuktu.

The mind follows its master wherever it goes, whatever it does. And because the mind is infinite like its master, at times it tricks, to awaken the master when the master does fall asleep.

The master’s job is just to remain awaken, in effortless effort, remembering.

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Ego Blocks to Abundance

The energy of creation is inter-personal and transpersonal. It moves through you to others and through others to you. While this energy supports you in essential ways, there can be no personal ownership of it. No one has a special connection to the energy. As soon as someone claims ownership of it, his or her connection to the energy is disturbed.

When your relationship to each other is one of mutual treat and mutual respect, you create an energetic connection which is supported by the love energy of the universe. That is why I said “When two or more are gathered in my name, there am I.”

Your alignment with the energy of creation requires the relinquishment of your ego agenda. Your ego agenda operates from the belief that you can manipulate people and events to obtain the outcome you want. Your ego agenda is selfish and short-sighted. It does not consider the good of others, and therefore it does not consider your good, although you may believe that it does.

When you cheat someone out of something s/he deserves, you lose not only what you thought you would gain, but what you would have gained if you had acted in a less selfish way. Every attempt to gain in a selfish manner eventually leads to loss and defeat, because selfish actions are not supported by the universe.

Those who take advantage of others may have great determination and skill, but they cannot compensate for the loss of their connection to the energy of creation. Others equally determined will join together and, supported by invisible forces, defeat them in the end, for David always defeats Goliath. Not because he is bigger or stronger, but because his intention is clear and he has love in his heart.

While fear might sometimes seem to marshall more forces on its side than love, it can never hold those forces together. Fearful forces are always pulling apart. When the selfish expectations of one group are no longer met, it defects or goes over to the other side.

Love has greater sustaining power than fear because it is peaceful and patient. When it does not attract help right away, it does not despair, but finds comfort and faith in the strength and clarity it already has.

I have said that “those who live by the sword will die by the sword.” Those who try to take advantage of others will fall victim to their own erroneous actions. That is the nature of the karmic journey. Every time you attempt to injure another, you really only injure yourself. For everything that you think and do toward others returns in the end to you. Only one truly forgives and eschews vengeance breaks through the vicious egoic cycle of violence.

If you want to open to abundance in your life, you must give up the idea that you can gain through someone else’s loss. That is the fearful thinking of the ego mind and it must be recognised and refused if new patterns are to be set into motion in your life.

Fortunately, there is another way, a way that begins when you recognise that your good and that of your brother or sister is one and the same. When you accept your equality with others, then you reconnect to the energy of creation, and that energy supports you.

Because you are supported, you do not toil in vain. Results come spontaneously and on their own timetable. But you are always being asked to relinquish your expectations so that the work can move through you and with you.

While you may have ownership of your area of the work, you never have exclusive ownership of the work as a whole. For the work of creation is essentially collaborative. It cannot be done without the contribution of many people. Your piece needs to fit with other pieces, or the integrity of the whole will be compromised.

The demands of this path are as great as those made by the ego’s path of manipulation and struggle. But the rewards of the path of Spirit are far greater, for those who follow this path find true happiness. Because they serve others, love serves them. Because they give without thought of return, the universe brings to them unexpected gifts. Because they live joyfully in the present, the future unfolds gracefully before them. When challenges come, they rise to meet them. When disappointment arises, they look within, and surrender the barriers to love that prevent them from feeling love’s presence in their lives.

~ An excerpt from Miracle of Love, Christ Mind Teachings – Part 3, Creativity and Abundance , Paul Ferrini

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As I recall what J has done for the world in the past, and also His presence in our lives now in the very moment we are willing to give up what was never true, I feel a much deeper sense of gratitude understanding why He has chosen such a role. This should be familiar to those who practice A Course in Miracles.

For a while now, I wondered what was it that made J so adamant in the function he takes on even until today for all of us, including a living teacher I hold dearly. I remember the first time I met him (the living teacher), he told me that he has waited for me for thousands of years. Of course, I didn’t comprehend that, and until now I still don’t really believe it, but that was what came to my awareness and whether I choose to believe it or not, is altogether another matter. But again, I did wonder what made this teacher do what he does – not experiencing his life like any normal person does – a big mansion, fancy cars and etc. Well, I can’t be sure that he doesn’t already have those as an individual and I know that if I was to post this question to him, he will surely just give me a smile and probably say a few words and trusted that I’d realise the answer somehow; which I do now, with an even deeper sense of appreciation and gratitude towards him.

When I finally realised that there is only One and indeed there was no separation, I at last understood how J or this teacher of mine could play the role that they play and Love so unconditionally. It was truly Love of no choice and no choice here is not to mean that anything is forced onto them, but with qualities of naturalness and sweetness in it that it could never be repelled. It is a space that is so pure and vast that it is impossible to put into words without being misunderstood by anyone who has not experienced it before. It was then, that I could finally believe that there is indeed just Love, and that it was simply impossible to Love anyone or anything with conditions except when I am not yet awaken to the concepts I still hold true about what I thought was Love. In truth, there is no even an “I”, “you”, “him” or “her”. And if and when I say that I love you, or they love me, it is only to denote a directed attention, which in actual fact, also not true.

Love, is just my choice of a word labelled onto an inner being state and does not denote what it really is by any ideas. No one can really put that kind of space into words as it would simply demean what cannot fully be explained but to be experienced. It is impossible to love you, or even myself as that is simply delusion at work that there is another out there separated from me. We are part of a whole system in form, never separated in truth and don’t even really exist as an “I” or “you” or “him” or “her”. To mimic that experience too, is delusion at work.

It is no wonder that anyone who has seen, experienced and understood this space will be inspired to move towards the direction that both J and my teacher took on. Functions may differ, but the objective is always the same.

My deepest respect, gratitude and appreciation to the Great Masters; passed off and living; for the journey that they have took on, leaving trails for us and continuing the lineage of the teachings to aid the awakening in each of us.

All because, there is only One.

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Beauty in Vulnerability

vulnerability
a place shunt by many
only the bold has ventured
and found grace as its end

is there a need to protect defencelessness
or even a need to run away from it
perhaps, that is where you belong
the birth of who you are

Embracing Vulnerability

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Rising Up from Disbelieve

Why are you constantly doubting yourself of where you are? Do you not see your own greatness, in the things you did, already do and will eventually do? What is there outside to seek when all that you have ever wished for is within you, capable to be given and received by yourself to yourself? Why set conditions and limitations to appreciate yourself? How can you say if someone throws shit at you is not of love except your own interpretation of it? How else can anyone be of match to you when you cannot even rise up to yourself? How else can anything or anyone out there; your mirror; in the world show you otherwise when all are merely reflections of what you make believe of yourself – giving power always to what cannot be given power to. Can you not see, it is impossible?

There is an “I”, there is no “I” – why the difference when what is strived here is not the “I” or any “I” except an experience of whatever it is – fulfilling its conditions of joy, showing you what is it that you resist, when you are the one who does not believe what you believe?

Why strive for anything more or outside or even further that what it is when whatever that is needed is just here – right here and now? Is there any need to seek elsewhere for what you already are?

It is all the same. Your Master, My Master, His Master, Her Master, you as a Master ~ all happening within you and you only; a constant work in progress, fulfilling the karmic consequences of what has been set. Nothing can be set aside of it and only to walk the road with full awareness. Each moment of awareness moves and shifts the previous cause into a different course, and everybody does their job, their functions – to bring that conditioning into place, without compromise because that is what has to happen, aligned with what You will, aligned with what God wills.

Your love for truth is unquestionable, yet your love for yourself is doubtful. Because you see truth apart and separated from you, you cannot see yourself, feel yourself and experience yourself. You are Truth. You are everything that you embody. Stop trying to run away from yourself and just be who you are. You are here to fulfil a role, yet you are not of that role.

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A Loving Bitch

It is very interesting how the mind works, hanging on not only on anything outside, as in a person out there, or a material out there, but also a state, or a personality experienced when I am asleep to what is lurking at the background.

There was this instance, or a period of time, where I experienced being in a state of bliss, equanimity and you can say what was seen through the lens of the mind was love – unconditional love. Nothing and no one was left out of it and it was indeed a joyful experience. Because there was so much joy and bliss in that experience, thus attachment is born out of it moulding a fabrication of that exact state. All this was because there was pleasantness hence the mind signalling it as pleasure.

And pleasure always equates to pain, because the mind will keep on wanting to go back to the pleasurable state to the extent of mimicking the state even when situations trigger. Thus, the personality or rather, the facade is born.

Since it is untrue to the inner state of what is, the conflict begins and the thoughts that churns out from the untrue idea results in a state of confusion. The attitude of hanging on to that personality itself propels more and more inner turmoil thus projects onto the outer reality that it is somewhat attacked in most areas. It was again, such an amazing experience to be in such state.

Soon thoughts with heavy weight accompanied. The mind was no longer free because freedom was no longer what I experienced. The body started to well up heaviness, and I was unable to allow myself express what was in me because I knew, or rather the mind that knew the truth – that what is let out is not true at all, hence the silence despite the noise within.

The mind got more and more tense, though not reflected on the outside. Dark thoughts hovered around the mind, as if unhappy with anything that it perceives whether from sight, sound, taste and touch. Nothing was pleasurable anymore. It had entangled up itself with its own game of wanting pleasure not knowing that the pleasure that it was seeking for cannot be seek, and the very pleasure that it was seeking for has resulted into pain.

Until arriving at an edge, expressions had to be let out and there was no interference in it, as in no longer holding back as there was a knowing that through expressing, it would find its way back albeit in layers. It was so so hilarious. Because as soon as it started expressing faults, especially of others, there were laughter knowing that it was untrue. And then it went to the direction of self-blame, and then there was laughter again, also knowing that it was untrue. It was sheer madness… madness in joy!! And the bitching went on and on… as it just had to let out; to a trusted friend; just to find its way back home again.

All storylines were indeed a hoax to cover up the shame of attachment to a state that could not be hung on. Observing what came up, several past issues which were not dealt with authentically also surfaced. It came closer and closer to the space of truth – because there was so much pleasure in the personality of a loving, gentle person that it hung on to that personality. And yet again, the loving, gentle person that it hung on to turned out to be an ugly monster. With the loving, gentle personality came with an expectation certain qualities. And because this facade was untrue to the inner state of mind, the conflict arises.

A question was then posted – when I am bitchy, does it mean I am not loving? – and I laughed again at the silly self-judgements. It is always, always about good and bad, right and wrong – educated by society, surrounding environment and people – when all that is required is honesty and authenticity within oneself.

I am one loving bitch at this moment, full of vulgarity yet one of joy – because I realised that there is no difference in being a loving angel, or a loving bitch – except for the fear of being judged, and to seek approval. All are only confused and misunderstood terminologies. Yet, the word ‘loving’ here is only onto myself and nothing to do with anybody or anything out there. So if I am loving what is, why wouldn’t I be loving my bitchiness? And if I am loving my bitchiness, am I not a loving bitch at this moment, at least to myself? If I am loving my moment with myself regardless of what I am doing with myself, would else can find fault with me, except myself? I am all that matters, is it not?

In truth, any mental states or rather personality experienced in oneself arises from conditionings. And there is really nothing I can do about it when such is the state. All I can do is just continuously practise, as in to be aware of it, until the cloud passes off and to start working with the conditions again. And each now that I am aware, I am already sowing the right conditionings. It is work in progress and all about practise – and there is nothing wrong with it. At least, the right attitude of taking responsibility and integrity is present – and that is authenticity itself. If not now, when?

So, will you join me and be the loving idiot too?

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Footprints in the Sand

One night I had a dream –

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord
and across the sky flashed scenes from my life.

For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints,
one belonged to me and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.

I noticed that many times along the path of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest
and saddest times in my life.

This really bothered me and I questioned the Lord about it.

“Lord, you said that once I decided to follow You,
You would walk with me all the way,
but I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life
there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand why in times when I needed You most, You should leave me.”

The Lord replied,
“My precious, precious child,
I love you and I would never, never leave you
during your times of trial and suffering.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you.”

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No Shouting

Once, a professor asked his students: “Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?” The students thought for a while before one of them said, “We shout because we lose our calm.”

“But why shout when the other person is just next to you? Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice?”

The students gave various answers, none of which satisfied the professor.

Finally, he explained: “When two people are angry with each other, their hearts distance. To cover the distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the louder they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.” Then he asked: “What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly. Why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small. When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak – they only whisper and get closer to each other in their love.”

“Finally, they do not even need to whisper. They only look at each other, that’s all. That is how closer two people are when they love each other.”

So, when you argue, do not let your hearts get distant or say words that distance each other even more, or there may come a day when the distance is so great you will not find the path back to each other.

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The Evolution of the Mind

If one was to observe the features of new technology coming up into the market, one will notice how it is symbolic to the evolution of the mind. Each item invented or rather manifested into the world arises from the creation of the mind and as the mind evolves, the more creative it gets, hence the inspired ‘toys’ we get around these days.

The iPhone, being one of the most common commodities around these days is a sheer example of how the mind works. The other day, a loved one was requesting for a torch light in the midst of working in the dark. Having remembered that the iTunes store had such apps, I downloaded the required app for the torch light feature. It was amazing. The download was less than 2 minutes, thanks to TM’s unifi and that’s it, the iPhone can now function as a torch light. Mind you, it functions pretty well too!

And recalling this incident, I can’t help but be amazed by how similar the iPhone is with the mind. Just a touch of an app being downloaded into the system, and that’s it, it’s done! Liken the ideas programmed in the mind. The only difference of course is that with iPhone, just one touch and the whole programme is deleted where else with the mind, it can take ages if one is not able to arrive at the right understanding of such programming.

Those who own an iPhone will tell you how they are highly unlikely not able to live without their phones; and the phone is something that we can choose to carry around or not. This commodity has somehow won its place as a very important accessory on us. The mind, on the other hand, is something that we can’t shake off and what life is being made out of and yet, seldom do we show interest in how it works so that we may learn and eventually derive what we wish to experience from it. It is like we are simply accepting its programming without much discernment. Like someone simply giving us an iPhone, or any gadget whatsoever, with some sort of pre-programming already and we just simply use it without questioning it or even with an effort of wanting to learn its features so that we may use it to its optimum level. In this case of the mind is exactly that, we never get to know it, hence never be able to bring its function to its optimum level.

Clearly, to start understanding the mind is to start observing it. And to observe it, is to take a step back and watch its own dance internally without reacting to it, and here I am meaning to say, not to judge it. It is easy to feel disgusted or disheartened when we witness some really challenging stuff the mind displays internally, and if there is identification with the mind, self judgement is unavoidable. So, in this case, it is best to invite oneself to even, recognise the judgement if it does arise. No point the continuous self bashing just because of an earlier statement of ‘not to judge it’. If it has arisen, then let it. Simply acknowledge it and then allow is to rest again. Even if it does not rest, allow it and simply recognising it as it is, instead of identifying with it. There is a difference. You can only recognise something apart of you, only in this case, it seems to be within you and identifying with it means you are it!

So next time to bring yourself back into awareness, simply ask yourself, if you are the iPhone at this moment, or not!

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Better to be Asleep

Some say, it is better to be asleep so that the dream can remain real in order for the intensity of the experience to be felt; for how can everything else be felt to the extreme of it, unless it is real? This reminds me of a scene in Matrix where this fella who betrayed all those who are plugged out from the Matrix and told Smith while dining in a restaurant that even though he knows that the piece of steak that he is about to put into his mouth is not real, but it tastes so darn delicious.

If what we are looking for is realness, why would we treat what is not real as real? It is like playing with a toy, and knowing that it is a toy, we just simply enjoy playing with it and once we are done with it, we just place it back to where it belongs. But when we start to think that the toy is real, it becomes a reality hence scaring us to the bits when things go wrong and then there it is, we are heading out the door, forgetting that it is just a toy. Strange isn’t it? I’d say that it is fine to treat the toy as real for the moment, but it is important to remember that a toy remains a toy; as illusion remains an illusion. It is like buying a handbag. If you can afford to buy a Louis Vuitton, why would you want to buy an imitation one, lest you believe that you can’t have the real one and hence settle for the latter?

The thing is, each of us deserves the Louis Vuitton and secretly, we each know that. So we work towards it. And it is like that, we are also always trying to find the easy way out, which is impossible. So we are enticed, and then we get a Louis Vuitton along the way and then realise that it was imitation, what happens then? Do you still want it? Of course, I am just using a material good as an example or rather, as a metaphor. But you get what I mean. It’s painful at that point to know that what we hung on to is unreal, but let’s put it that way, at least the imposter is being revealed and wouldn’t it be a call for celebration instead of constant self-bashing?

Taking responsibility is scary, because it means to own up all the pain that we feel deep within without having anyone to be our scapegoat as there is no one else to illusionarily ‘split’ the pain. It is not about being unwholesome, but it is simply simply impossible! So someone was telling me… yes, taking responsibility means no one is at fault and it is all MY fault. That too, is untrue. It is the innocence of what was thought. And if there is innocence, how can it be anyone’s fault, much less my fault?

So what do I do when I take responsibility? I will be forgiving what I thought had happened was real, when in truth, nothing actually happened – meaning, my perception of the way things were and are. Forgiving that it was an error, a misunderstanding that something like that could be put into a meaning that hurts, that upsets, that could have caused a sense of separation within myself hence projected onto my brothers and sisters.

Asleep is to mean that there is an “I” in delusion that can be in control of things, that could want things the way it should or shouldn’t be. The “I” that plays God. And to be awakened, is something else what many Great Masters invite us upon. We cannot envisage what they are talking about, until we taste a sip of their cup, and that can only happen when we begin the journey of Truth.

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