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The Best Entertainment

Feb 17th, 2011 by

The other day, a loved one made a statement that since I practiced mindfulness, she was guessing that there isn’t much drama in my life. Well, the answer is a yes and a no. Although there seems to be no drama happening which involves others, there are non-stop dramas unfolding in the mind.

The thing is, we are not aware that we have got a 24-hour non-stop movie theatre running up our heads. If you have persistently watched and observed the mind, you will realise that all the drama is happening in the mind anyway, so what is there outside to entertain us?

The mind proves itself to be the best entertainment. In fact, it is the best story teller ever and when “I” become identified with it, I have thus invited myself on stage. Depending on which storyline is more appealing to me, or rather which idea is being held on stronger than the other, that you will see my reaction or response towards a situation or a person.

Like a 24-hour rerun in the mind, nothing is new except the intensity of the storyline with different imaginary characters. So when I am caught up with the storyline in the mind, I am being run by it, acting it out unconsciously in the outer reality; but if I am conscious enough, I may not react to what is happening in the mind or the outer reality although that may not necessarily mean that I am out of it. Hence being able to take a step back and watch the mind is the first step in detaching ourselves from drama. Being immersed with the mind is to react as the mind, and to be able to stay back, is to watch the mind’s reaction in silence without reacting physically. In the latter, there are no reactions, but only appropriate responses because one is able to discern what would be an appropriate action to take.

I noticed that when the mind has a storyline running, whatever outside only serves as extra stimuli to enhance the storyline. Take for instance, if I am feeling heartbroken, and I go to the karaoke and sing Toni Braxton’s How Could an Angel Break my Heart? It will not only intensify what I am feeling at that moment, but make my story even more real and dramatise my whole reality. As if what is played in the mind is not enough and I will need extra stimuli outside to enhance it. What happens here is that the mind puts a meaning to the song and hence enhances the experience of being heartbroken and yet in all that, though it seems as if there is an external source, it is still all happening in the mind but we hardly notice that. We just keep thinking that something outside is what is causing the dramas in our lives. Everything that we do, as long as the mind contacts with anything, there is a condition that arises with it.

So it is not that there is less drama in my life. The best entertainment is already within the mind, what else could be more entertaining?

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Posted in Going Inwards, Ideas | 1 Comment »

Who am I?

Feb 16th, 2011 by

When you ask me who am I,
and I say, “I am”,
I am no longer I
but who I am;
identified, named and labelled,
limited by an image you contort.

When I look at you
from here;
The moment I speak,
I no longer speak
from where I saw you;
but still with constant recognition,
in order to convey words to you –

Of how lovely you are…
How very much loved you are…
How very adored you are…

Yet you will not know I
but who I am;
identified, named and labelled;
which is not I.
You will think me as a someone,
differentiated and apart from you,
and yet not see.

Still. Silence.
Beyond what surrounds and is in front of you;
what is perceived, meaning-ed;
beyond what is an image, an identity, a name, a label…
You need no more to ask me
who am I,
but simply know.

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Posted in Being the Master, Poems | No Comments »

Loving You is Not a Choice

Feb 13th, 2011 by

Loving you is not a choice, I just do. When I don’t believe you when you tell me that you love me, it is because I have not come to terms with myself. First there are those concepts that I’d have to undo, and then I am born again, into the awareness of love. Although I say this as if referring to the love of self, but it is in truth, beyond that. I can’t help it. It just happens. And when that happens, there is no choice; I just love you, because you are in the awareness of love. You are part of it, and hence, I love you.

I love you, is not about “I” love “you” although it seems to be communicated that way in perception. It is like when I look at the body, parts of the body; for instance, my fingers; I look at it, and realise that yes, I love it… I don’t really have a choice. How the fingers are curved at certain angles, how it is shaped and it doesn’t matter, I just love it – realising, that although it is not me, yet recognising that they are parts and puzzles of love – I just love; and it is the same when I look at you. It is not separated. We are in the womb of love, just that we didn’t know.

The state of love remains constant, and is always, always unwavering. It is only when I am oblivious to it, then I will not see or taste it. It is like, when I do not give my awareness to my fingers, I am not aware that they are there, and then I thought that I do not love them because I do not see them, as I am unaware. But when I take a closer look, paying attention to them, I’d realise that I love them anyway and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And you are no different from my fingers, my face or me… When I am in love, you are roped into it, because you are part of it. And when I say ‘in love’, I am not meaning the perception of falling in love, but that I am in the womb of love, and it encompasses all and because you are part of it, I have to love you. It is natural, and what is nature is not given a choice.

So I could try as much as I can, but I really can’t do anything about it. I just love you, because I am aware of you, present to you. Even when you are not physically around, and my thoughts are on you, I am already aware of you, present to you, loving you. Nothing escapes me because you are part of me, and we are not separated. When I say that you are part of me, I am also not meaning to say that you are part of this body of which I used to think was me, but part of a whole bigger picture; unseen.

Now I know, that you love me too. When I enter into a restaurant with the intent of having breakfast, I know that everybody else there loves me too; and like what Byron Katie shares, I just don’t expect anyone to realise it yet, and I understand that; because I have been there too, in separation.

It is not about loving me or you, or trying to love me or you – because that is not possible. But when I am aware of what separates or blocks me from the awareness of love, I am back to the state of love, and it is not a choice. It just happens. So when I love you, it is not a choice though my expression can be a choice. I can try to separate from you, and tell you that it is my qualities that I perceived in you that results in my loving you, but that too, is not true. Because we are not separated. You are my fingers, my heart, my hair, my everything… We are one, swimming in the womb of love; each a drop, all part of an ocean.

So if you don’t believe that I love you, trust that it is not that I don’t love you, but just that you are not aware of yourself right now. And you don’t need to ponder or try to believe whether it is true or not that I love you. You just have to work on yourself to arrive at that realisation, that you are love, because you are swimming in it. When you meet me again, you will find that you can finally believe me when I tell you that I love you not because you have done something to make me feel that way. It is just you, and simply because I do, and there is nothing you or I can do about it; because you realised that you love me too, and there just isn’t any choice in it. You just do. There is no way of working in or out of it. It just is. And, you will have no choice too, but to be it.

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Either Witnessing, or You are It

Feb 12th, 2011 by

We don’t really get what great masters say, because we are unaware that we are already aware. When a teacher says, “step back” and you step back, and you say, “I see it”, you are witnessing it; when you step back, and say, “I am feeling sad”, you are it. You and the mind are not separate, and yet, you are not it. But you experience through and by it, hence no wonder the misunderstanding that you are it. And, that is ok.

As I’ve mentioned earlier, the mind is like a child, a kid. When the child trips, gets hurt and cries, and you feel the child’s hurt and sadness because he feels that way, do you sit down with the child and cry with him, or do you embrace the child and say, “hey, it’s ok… it’s ok… let me hear you out and love you.”

When you begin to do that, you allow that child, or rather, the mind in this case, to see that it is ok. And at the same time, you are also training the mind to see that it can nurture itself. It is like, bringing in the mother or the father quality to the mind for that child, because the child is lost – not knowing what else to do, where else to go hence it does what it only knows best to be in a better off state, at least for a while. When you begin to be there for yourself, as in the mind, the mind begins to learn to nurture too and conditions itself just like you, being a mother or a father to itself; in time to come.

Because you and the mind are not separated, it is like a hand glued to the board. Until you realise you can retract all of your other fingers, probably except one of the finger, because it is not separate from you and cannot be separated from you, you learn to detach from it and watch it. Here, you are witnessing it, observing it, investigating it, and learning from it. Until you realise it, it realises it, because it is not separate from you. Because you learned, the mind learns. For the sake of repetition – because you and the mind are not separated, yet you are not it. And if you keep doing that, you train the mind of this quality too… to witness, to observe, to learn, to realise and it naturally becomes a keen mind which witnesses, observes, learns and realises. Whatever you teach it, it will learn and operate that way. You are its Master – it has to keep up with you, that is why YOU are so important.

The mind is inclined towards goodness I once heard, and I have come to see that it is. It just becomes lost in direction because it does not know any better. A participant asks me last night, “how? If I do not know better?” Well, ideas and here I mean, new ideas.

If I never told you that 2 x 2 can also equal to 4, you will never know. And if you can do 3 things out of this information that I’ve just given you. You can shun it away, take it as gospel truth or began to ponder, “wow… is that possible? Let me check it out!” and then you investigate. You observe and investigate and then you realise, “wow! 2 x 2 is equals to 4!” because you understand from it now. And then you get excited, and you will go forth to the next best person to tell him or her, “hey, you know, 2 x 2 can also equal to 4!!” and that is how the ripple effect is.

And when you begin to feel joyful, you can be sure that it is because the child is joyful. Again, if you are witnessing it, you are not it; and if you are it, you are no longer witnessing it. Either way, it is fine. You experience through it.

So it is like that, you have always been free, just that you didn’t know. And when you are free because you are witnessing it, and realise that the mind is not, you cannot experience freedom. So, you mould the mind towards the direction of freedom, so that you can experience that freedom. Again, when you are witnessing, you are not it, but when you are it, you experience through it.

You will know how free the mind is when you begin to observe what surrounds you, whatever that is within your awareness and how you feel about it, through the mind. The mind can only project what it is, and if you put it in the level of form, it can only attract what it is. That is how law of attraction works. Projection is perception. Without perception, there is no world, no experience. And there is only 2 laws in this world – the Law of Love or the Law of Fear; whichever law you ascribe to, that will mould your perception, hence your reality, your world. Either way is fine, but what is it that you wish to experience?

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Finding Home

Feb 10th, 2011 by

The mind, as how a kindred spirit puts it is like a frog’s tongue, spitting out of the month continuously, to stick on any bug; or thing, in the mind’s case; to put it in its mouth. It is constantly contacting something, as in anything that is outside of itself in search for something.

Not that it’s a bad thing. It is just its nature, as in wanting to fulfil itself hence seeking becomes part of the mind’s sub-nature. At the initial journey, it is constantly seeking out, until it is trained otherwise. When I say that it is sub-nature, it is to mean that it is something that is conditioned due to ignorance, of not knowing any better. And since there is no other inception of ideas and or no right understanding of how or what it is actually seeking for, hence it does what it knows best, constantly trying its best to get something the only way it knows how. You see, because it thinks it knows.

Through a long period of consistently hitting against the prison wall it has made for itself, and when it sees no way out, it gets hopeless and goes into a depression, to the extreme where thoughts of resignation or suicide crop up.

Until it is motivated, encouraged or invited to see another way out, and that too, has to be accompanied by the quality of willingness, it begins to open up to a whole new world of possibilities.

The opening up is in progression as opposed to an instant one. So it is vital to be patient with the whole process of it, rather than carrying a fix-it-quick attitude. Its speed of progression is again dependent on other qualities such as acknowledgement of its errs, taking responsibility of them, taking integrity to correct errs; which ultimately leads to the right conditions to arrive at its openness. Grace, gratitude, love, peace, compassion, gentleness and some other favourable qualities cannot be produced naturally instantly but through the right understanding which can only arrive due to favourable conditionings; all of which are causes to the mentioned effects. It is appropriate to conclude that it is the arising wisdom from the culmination of qualities, as in conditions, for realisations to be its results in such openness.

So what is the mind seeking for? A home. And because it has been trained to find a home outside of itself, hence the need for other people or material things become a manta to it, so to speak.

The mind has to be trained to turn the radar inwards, as in to bring its awareness from the outside to the inside; together with qualities to be cultivated such as taking responsibility, inquisitiveness and integrity. All others will follow. These are moulding the mind’s conditioning towards truth, wisdom and thereby freedom.

How it achieves or realises liberation is when it finds out the truth; the truth where the answer that it seeks outside of itself has always been within. It finds itself a home within itself and it settles down.

A mind which realises its Home has always been within is home everywhere, with anyone. It becomes complete within itself because it realises that there is nowhere else to go and where it has always wanted to go has always been here, within. It ceases to become needy, or to seek love, approval and appreciation outside of itself. It is contented by itself, welcoming anything that it meets along the way.

And that is what it means, by coming home.

That is what it means by the saying, “I am Home.”

And since the mind is like a child, with us experiencing through it; it becomes our responsibility to mould the mind towards such conditionings if we are to live a better, peaceful and loving life. So, when experiences crop up and we are not liking it, there is nothing personal about it. It is just time to do your job – to observe and investigate in order for understanding to surface.

Some people say that life will turn out to be “boring” when we see the truth to life. It is far from it. It truly becomes a beautiful life, because therein lies a beautiful and complete mind, which is home within itself.

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Firework

Feb 7th, 2011 by

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvpv2pJvmUg]

by Katy Perry

Do you ever feel
like a plastic bag
drifting through the wind
wanting to start again

Do you ever feel
feel so paper thin
like a house of cards
one blow from caving in

Do you ever feel
already buried deep
six feet under scream
but no one seems to hear a thing

Do you know that
there’s still a chance for you
cause there’s a spark in you

You just gotta
ignite
the light
and let it shine
Just own
the night
like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
as you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em fallin’ down-own-own

You don’t have to feel
like a waste of space
You’re original
cannot be replaced
If you only knew
what the future holds
After a hurricane
comes a rainbow

Maybe you’re reason why
all the doors are closed
So you could open one
that leads you to the perfect road

Like a lightning bolt,
your heart will blow
And when it’s time,
you’ll know

You just gotta
ignite
the light
and let it shine
Just own
the night
like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what you’re worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe-awe-awe”

Boom, boom, boom
even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It’s always been inside of you, you, you
And now it’s time to let it through

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ’em what your worth
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
as you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you’re a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make ’em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
You’re gonna leave ’em all in awe-awe-awe

Boom, boom, boom
even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

Boom, boom, boom
even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

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The Child

Feb 7th, 2011 by

Dealing with the mind is like dealing with a child. Much care has to be put into the act. When the mind is in a delusional state and once aware of it, we can lead it to inquiry instead of identifying with it further. It is like a child who has fallen from the swing and is crying. We don’t cry with the child but embrace the child in our arms and tend to his hurt. However, in most cases, we identify with the mind hence believing that we are the ones suffering. Of course, in that space, we and the mind is not separated yet that detachment from the mind state is necessary in order to bring that delusional mind back to its balance from its state of confusion.

One way to bring the mind back to balance is to question it, and at the same time loving and respecting its process without judging it. It like much like the initial journey of saying, love yourself and don’t judge yourself – and it is actually more truthful to say appreciate and not judge the experience rather than the mind or yourself.

Mind is just nature doing its own work. As lifeless as a tool, it is a powerful tool almost likens to have a life of its own hence comments such as the mind being tricky and cunning can be heard of. This actually is a good thing as then the practice of awareness does not cease until it becomes habitual hence natural.

It is possible to infuse favourable qualities into the mind to take responsibility, as in to bring the attention inwards instead of outwards as in to fix what is outside, the world. What is in the world is already an effect and hence to fix what is effect is as good as fixing the TV screen rather than the player that is playing the movie. It is essential to go back to the cause as in meeting the cause; the cause becomes causeless when it is met with understanding and compassion. So it is redundant to perform a ritual of letting go of a situation or a person but for it to happen naturally arising from realisation or right understanding of the situation.

Yet again, because of the identification with the mind, it is easy to forget that we are not the mind and hence become the child that needs to be tended. No wonder people grow old (in age) but never grow up. We are more than capable to mould and lead the mind towards liberation hence experiencing a life of the same but many run and run around the merry-go-round like a little hamster running around its little cage not knowing where the door opening is. The door and its key have always been visible and reachable. It is just a matter of finding it. Tools and skills have been imparted yet the tendency to get sucked into the dramas and storylines are so strong. Again, seldom anyone ask the mind – Why? What is the matter here? – as you would a child.

Yes, it is easy to forget. But once we remember, what do we do then?  

Since we experience through the mind, it is essential to take care of the mind. Allowing the mind to speak its piece, as in allowing it to be heard is a way to allowing it dance to its end too. Until then, nothing needs to be done but be with it. It is like a little child, just needing YOU. You are its master and responsible for it, if not you – who?

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Dream Roles

Feb 7th, 2011 by

Do you believe that truth can be but some illusions? They are dreams because they are not true. Their equal lack of truth becomes the basis for the miracle, which means that you have understood that dreams are dreams and that escape depends not on the dream, but only on awaking. Could it be some dreams are kept and others wakened from? The choice is not between which dreams to keep, but only if you want to live in dreams or to awaken from them. Thus it is the miracle does not select some dreams to leave untouched by its beneficence. You cannot dream some dreams and wake from some, for you are either sleeping or awake. And dreaming goes with only one of these.

The dreams you think you like would hold you back as much as those in which the fear is seen. For every dream is but a dream of fear, no matter what the form it seems to take. The fear is seen within, without, or both. Or it can be disguised in pleasant form. But never is it absent from the dream, for fear is the material of dreams from which they all are made. Their form can change, but they cannot be made of something else. The miracle were treacherous indeed if it allowed you still to be afraid because you did not recognize the fear. You would not then be willing to awake, for which the miracle prepares the way.

In simplest form, it can be said attack is a response to function unfulfilled as you perceive the function. It can be in you or someone else, but where it is perceived it will be there, it is attacked. Depression or assault must be the theme of every dream, for they are made of fear. The thing disguise of pleasure and of joy in which they may be wrapped but slightly veils the heavy lump of fear which is their core. And it is this the miracle perceives, and not the wrappings in which it is bound.

When you are angry, is it not because someone has failed to fill the function you allotted him? And does not this become the “reason” your attack is justified? The dreams you think you like are those in which the functions you have given have been filled, the needs which you ascribe to you are met. It does not matter if they be fulfilled or merely wanted. It is the idea that they exist from which the fears arise. Dreams are not wanted more or less. They are desired or not. And each one represents some function which you have assigned, some goal which an event, or body, or a thing should represent and should achieve for you. If it succeeds, you think you like the dream. If it should fail, you think the dream is sad. But whether it succeeds or fails is not its core but just the flimsy covering.

How happy would your dreams become if you were not the one who gave the “proper” role to every figure which the dream contains. No one can fail but your idea of him, and there is no betrayal but of this. The core of dreams the Holy Spirit gives is never one of fear. The coverings may not appear to change, but what they mean has changed because they cover something else. Perceptions are determined by their purpose in that they seem to be what they are for. A shadow figure who attacks become a brother giving you a chance to help if this becomes the function of the dream. And dreams of sadness thus are turned to joy.

What is your brother for? You do not know because your function is obscure to you. Do not ascribe a role to him which you imagine would bring happiness to you. And do not try to hurt him when he fails to take the part which you assigned to him in what you dream your life was meant to be. He asks for help in every dream he has, and you have help to give him if you see the function of the dream as He perceives its function, Who can utilize all dreams as means to serve the function given Him. Because He loves the dreamer not the dream, each dream becomes an offering of love. For at its center is His love for you, which lights whatever form it takes with love.

~ A Course in Miracles, Chapter 29, V

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Tanjung Rambutan, anyone?

Feb 6th, 2011 by

Two years ago, a friend and I were facilitating this free movie session where the lead role was put into an asylum where he actually led some patients back to sanity. After that movie, my friend wrote on the white board, ‘Insanity is just a shift of perception’.

At that point of my maturity, of course I could not relate to it. But today, it is obvious. Many people have come up to me and expressed how different I view the world these days, and I could not disagree with them. So the other day, a beloved friend called and asked me how my Chinese New Year has been so far, and I blurted, “meaningless”. He chuckled and assured me, “crazy is just a number”. How true. And we are still outnumbered at this junction! Haha!

Together with a few friends on the journey, it is inevitable that our perception of the world and towards ourselves have shifted; and for that, it can be somewhat hard to ‘blend’ fully into the norms of the world though through conversations, I realise that more and more people are rising up to the kind of perception that is more liberating than binding, except for another sort of perception that seems to tie them to the ‘no choice’ factor.

Many times, I have found that the conversations I have with someone of the world and someone in the journey is somewhat different. Not that people in the journey are not of the world, what I do mean here is these people continuously question the concepts of nearly everything in life and discover how bogus they themselves, or rather the mind is, thus the whole world!

So we have been named crazy. No doubt about it. To the point where people feel uncomfortable around us, at least that is true in my case since the exact has been expressed to me. So my beloved friend calls himself the sot-sot one, and now the Destroyer and I constantly joke citing that it is time to reserve a room at the Tanjung Rambutan!

The world calls us insane because they think they are sane. And I am not saying that they are not. Perhaps at this juncture, we are insane and the world is sane; but imagine when majority of the world starts to become insane like us, then would that in turn make us sane and the rest of the world insane already? It is such a joke when you look at it. We are insane and crazy because we seem to be opposing the norms of the world! And because we do not want to be seen as insane and crazy, we ‘blend’ in anyway into the world!

One of my teachers told me once, that the world is not ready for certain ideas. He reminds me that eventhough I might think there is nothing wrong with walking naked in the streets, it doesn’t mean that I will not get caught and be put in jail. But then again, what is wrong with being put in jail? Of course, that is not the point here. 🙂

This entry reminds me of a poem I once wrote – Insanity. And I encourage you to invite yourself to question your own belief systems, concepts instead of labelling others as crazy, or insane. There is no craziness, or insanity – all are just differing perspectives, different angles to the same box – that’s all. Hopefully, there comes to a point in time where the box can be seen as it is, instead of just its angles. Then perhaps, there will be no more need for asylums.

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Where do we go from here?

Feb 6th, 2011 by

Today a few beloved friends came to visit. It is the first time since a long time I have had that many visitors visiting and it was indeed a pleasant surprise.

While all my friends were seated in the hall, with my little one hogging the television whilst having her lunch, my partner was in the work room, doing his own stuffs.

Later, when I decided to bring my friends out for lunch which my partner and little one did not follow, my friend who drove asked, “isn’t your darling coming along?”

He brought out a question that was already a concern in the mind. From the memories of the past, or rather due to the conditionings of the society, it is good manners or necessary to sit around the hall with our spouse or family with friends who were visiting. You know, to ‘host’ and ‘entertain’. There I was with my friends, in or out of the house for whatever reasons; and there my partner was, in or out of the house for whatever reasons. Whilst having lunch with my friends nearby home, my partner dropped my little one to me citing that he is going off to meet his friend for a drink. It was sweet of him, because he remembered to bring my little one to me before he shot off for his date.

Now, a normal friend would have questioned if there is anything wrong with our relationship. From past conditioning as I remember, I too would have questioned myself or him if there is anything wrong with our relationship since we are not seen to be doing things together since couples are always known and seen to be ‘together’. What was true to me at that moment when my friend asked me the question if my partner was coming along, was that it was fine that he was not coming along, as I loved that he was doing his own stuffs, and he was not stopping; not even for a moment; to come out to entertain my friends when his preference was to do something else. There is such beauty in that act, that I knew, if he popped out of the room and said hi to anyone; it was because he wanted to, and not because he had to. There was no sense of resentment, disappointment or doubt that existed in this space. Merely pure acceptance, allowance and appreciation.

On the other hand, I also admitted to my friend that it didn’t mean that I didn’t feel uncomfortable about the situation. The uncomfortable feeling is not about what he should or could have done to make me feel or look like a better host (though that would have been an old pattern) or to let others perceive what a happy marriage I seem to be in. The uncomfortable feeling arose from an unsurety, or rather a doubt of not knowing how this partnership or relationship will turn out to be as there is no reference point. It is similar to being insecure, in a not-knowing space since the workings of our partnership or relationship is somewhat against the norm.

With the marriage certificate, there is always this expectation that we will and should live happily ever after and it is almost vital that we do. And by that, it is likely that we will follow suit examples of others, or what the society would advise us (since we can’t make up our own minds) to make sure that is exactly what we do to fulfil the conditions of a happy marriage. The truth is this, how can two individuals be any similar to any other two individuals in another marriage? I don’t really know. Ask me if I am experiencing a good relationship with my partner, I’d say that it is really not too bad! The grip onto each other is loosened and we are free to live our own dreams. Free to come together and free to go. There is a lesser sense of dependency save for when it comes to our little one where we thrive to spend as much family time together as a family unit not because we have to, but because we truly enjoy those moments together! We love and laugh a lot together during these moments.

So I am home now, with my little one playing with my iPhone; and he is out now, with his friend for a drink. I don’t know when he will be back and I love it that I don’t really know. There is a scheduled dinner tonight with his parents, and I love it that I am unsure if we are going to be on time. We can try our best, but how will we ever know? Anything could come up! But when I start to expect that he’d be home by 5pm, and that we’d have to leave the house by 6pm, I’d be putting myself in the shoes of stress. So it’d be great if he is home by 5pm! And if he isn’t, that is great too. It’d be great if we could leave the house by 6pm, but if we don’t, that’s great too. What else other than what will happen, can happen?

The expectations of living up to an imaginary something can cause insecurity especially in a path where we no longer rely on others to keep ‘alive’. It’s all about authenticity, creativity and honesty; and these qualities can be quite a threat to a partnership or relationship when there are concepts left unquestioned in the abyss of the mind. The insecurity of where a marriage should head, or how it should be is bogus. It is not a show or stage to put on for others. It is about being alive in our own skin, thus the naturalness in bringing that aliveness within to others – whether in a partnership, relationship; with the piece of paper or not.

And there is no need to know where we’d go from here. We’ll be where we’ll be. Right now, is where we are.

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