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Lesson 183: I will be still a moment and go home.

Sep 15th, 2010 by

This world you seem to live in is not home to you. And somewhere in your mind you know that this is true. A memory of home keeps haunting you, as if there were a place that called you to return, although you do not recognize the Voice nor what it is the Voice reminds you of. Yet still you feel an alien here, from somewhere all unknown. Nothing so definite that you could say with certainty you are an exile here. Just a persistent feeling, sometimes not more than a tiny throb, at other times hardly remembered, actively missed, but surely to return to mind again.

No one but knows whereof we speak. Yet some try to put by their suffering in games they play to occupy their time and keep their sadness from them. Others will deny that they are sad and do not recognize their tears at all. Still others will maintain that what we speak of is illusion, not to be considered more than a dream. Yet who in simple honesty, without defensiveness and self-deception, would deny he understands the words we speak?

We speak today for everyone who walks this world, for he is not at home. He goes uncertainly about in endless search, seeking in darkness what he cannot find, not recognizing what it is he seeks. A thousand homes he makes, yet none contents his restless mind. He does not understand he builds in vain. The home he seeks can not be made by him. There is no substitute for Heaven. All he ever made was hell.

Perhaps you think it is your childhood home that you would find again. The childhood of your body and its place of shelter are a memory now so distorted that you merely hold a picture of a past that never happened. Yet there is a Child in you Who seeks His Father’s house and knows that He is alien here. This Childhood is eternal, with an innocence that will ensure forever. Where this Child shall go is holy ground. It is His holiness that lights up Heaven and that brings to earth the pure reflection of the light above, wherein are earth and Heaven joined as one.

It is this Child in you your Father knows as His own Son. It is this Child Who knows His Father. He desires to go home so deeply, so unceasingly, His voice cries unto you to let Him rest a while. He does not ask for more than just a few instants of respite­­—just an interval in which He can return to breathe again the holy air that fills His Father’s house. You are His home as well. He will return. But give Him just a little time to be Himself within the peace that is His home, resting in silence and in peace and love.

This Child needs your protection. He is far from home. He is so little that He seems so easily shut out His tiny Voice so readily obscured, His calls for help almost unheard amid the grating sounds and harsh and rasping noises of the world. Yet does He know that in you still abides His sure protection. You will fail Him not. He will go home, and you along with Him.

This Child is your defenselessness, your strength. He trusts in you. He came because He knew you would not fail. He whispers of His home unceasingly to you. For He would bring you back with Him, that He Himself might stay and not return again where He does not belong and where He lives an outcast in a world of alien thoughts. His patience has no limits. He will wait until you hear His gentle Voice within you, calling you to let Him go in peace along with you to where He is at home and you with Him.

When you are still an instant, when the world recedes from you, when valueless ideas cease to have value in your restless mind, then will you hear His Voice. So poignantly He calls to you that you will not resist Him longer. In that instant, He will take you to His Home , and you will stay with Him in perfect stillness, silent and at peace, beyond all words, untouched by fear and doubt, sublimely certain that you are at home.

Rest with Him frequently today. For He was willing to become a little child that you might learn of Him how strong is he who comes without defenses, offering only love’s messages to those who think he is their enemy. He holds the might of Heaven in His hand and calls them friend, and gives His strength to them that they may see He would be Friend to them. He asks but they protect Him, for His home is far away, and He will not return to it alone.

Christ is reborn as but a little Child each time a wanderer would leave his home. For he must learn that what he would protect is but this Child, Who comes defenseless and Who is protected by defenselessness. Go home with Him from time to time today. You are as much an alien here as He.

Take time today to lay aside your shield which profits nothing and lay down the spear and sword you raised against any enemy without existence. Christ has called you friend and brother. He has even come to you to ask your help in letting Him go home completed and completely. He has come as does a little child who must beseech his father for protection and for love. He rules the universe, and yet He asks unceasingly that you return with Him and take illusions as your gods no more.

You have not lost your innocence. It is for this you yearn. This is your heart’s desire. This is the Voice you hear, and this the Call which cannot be denied. The holy Child remains with you. His home is yours. Today He gives you His defenselessness, and you accept it in exchange for all the toys of battle you have made. And now the way is open, and the journey has an end in sight at last. Be still a moment and go home with Him, and be at peace a while.

– Lesson 183, A Course in Miracles

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Filling the Cup of Love

Sep 14th, 2010 by

It’s great to love, but another person’s love cannot fill the hole in your heart. Filling up your heart is your responsibility. You need to love and affirm yourself day by day, moment by moment.  Without your love for yourself, no amount of love from your partner is enough.

– Paul Ferrini

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A Princess Story

Sep 13th, 2010 by

And the King banished his beloved daughter, the Princess, from the palace to become amongst the peasants so she may learn humanity and compassion.

She was devastated and trembled with much fear.

Her husband; of whose identity was only a commoner prior his union with her, and of whom she tortured with much cruelty; sat beside her to comfort her despite being previously ill-treated by his beloved wife, the Princess.

She told him, “Never had I thought this day would be bestowed me, a Princess to a peasant, amongst the villagers! How will I live without the luxury, servants and jewelries that I have grown up with? How will others look at me? I was a princess and now a peasant! What can I do? Oh dear Prince, tell me, what does a peasant do?”

He held her hand gently, “Every inhabitant in the village has each, his own responsibility. I can farm and you can sew. We can live a simple life and be happy” he told her.

And she shook her head… “But I could never. I am a Princess! Am I not the daughter of the King? And he, who is too my father, now punishes me?”

But she knew. She knew that she deserved it, for she has ill-ed others for the greed of power.

Yet, was she really punished? Or set out to learn a lesson in a place where conditions and limitations are set that may she be humbled, and then rise up to her true self, flourished?

There is no choice, and yet, within her, she knew she had to choose – to remain the ‘Princess’ or to transcend the ‘Princess’ – only one choice will lead her back to where her father, the King has always intended her to be, to where her father is, to where her Home really is…

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What is the Will of God?

Sep 12th, 2010 by

What is the Will of God? He wills His Son have everything. And this He guaranteed when He created him as everything. It is impossible that anything be lost, if what you have is what you are. This is the miracle by which creation became your function, sharing it with God. It is not understood apart from Him and therefore has no meaning in this world.

– A Course of Miracles, Chapter 26, VIII, verse 56

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In Death

Sep 11th, 2010 by

Strangely, I’ve observed that there is this thing about dying and death in my space recently. It is either about a friend passing away, or a friend’s friend, or a friend’s relative, or a friend’s mom. Even in newspaper or one of my preferred blogs, there too was mention of death.

When I heard of a new friend’s mom who passed away a few weeks ago, and her next move to head back to hometown to support her dad, I pondered a little deeper about it. The mind is always like that, if the incident is not related to it, it would not care; but when the incident strikes someone whom it is quite fond of (and I am rather fond of this new friend); it would start its engine to inquire.

I wondered about the funeral – the rituals, the prayers – who is it for? I used to have the impression that these stuffs were for the dead, to assist their journey to a better rebirth or realm and it is up to the children and grandchildren to pray, pray and pray for don’t-know how many days to ensure that the ‘soul’ do not get lost, and that it is ‘guided’. Although I cannot say there is no truth in it, but I also wondered if the whole ritual is more for the living – their perception of giving the dead a last ‘gift’, or accompanying the dead for their last walk on earth. In my perception, the whole process seems to serve more as a completion for the minds of the living.

And I wondered about the moaning, the grief – who is it for? Am I really crying because the person is dead, grieving for the dead person; or am I crying for myself, ill in the heart that I may never see, speak or touch this person again, or perhaps filled with regret that I’ve not done or said enough?

The truth is, what has this dead person got to do with me? If he is not dead, good for him; and if he is dead, good for him too! Unless, there is something in for me, then him being dead or alive would very much effect my being, isn’t it? I remember when my grandfather passed away, I felt nothing. I was not very close to my grandfather at all but when we, as grandchildren held on to the car which the coffin was in that drove to the end of the road, symbolic of sending grandfather off to his journey, I cried heartily. My young cousin surprised, asked me, “Are you crying because you are really sad? Or are you crying because the others are crying?” I loved her honest questions and answered her too, in honesty, that I was crying because I was feeling sad; you see, I suddenly remembered as I saw his picture that I had never experienced a grandfather’s love before, and he was my only grandfather who was then alive, and now dead. I grieved, not for his passing, but for the moments that I never had which in my perception; only he could give to me. Is that true?

Just about a year or so ago, a friend’s brother also passed away, due to an accident. Her mother took it the hardest. When I took the opportunity to drop by before the funeral just to have some quiet time with the family, her father asked me, “How now, G? How now? He is gone! And he is so young. Why couldn’t he have waited?” I cannot know the grievance of a parent or a sister over the death of a child and a brother, though I can somewhat imagine it – and I am sure, it would have been overwhelming.

The thing is, if we are totally present to reality – the death, which is a fact – where is the need to cry or to grieve? If I start thinking of you, of the memories that we had, by going back to the past, I will surely start to miss you because I would have gone into the future too, and imagine moments where you are not there. I will start to feel sick in the stomach and start to cry because I am imagining a future where there is no you. And I would start questioning if I have done enough? If I had said enough? If you have said enough? If you have done enough? And the story goes on and on… and the fact is, it is with 100% certainty, that there is nothing I can do about it. Now, this is brutal truth.

Coming back to the now, have we not experienced moments where the dead is not with us? And weren’t we fine? And BANG! Comes the guilt of not grieving, or enjoying ourselves without the presence of this person who is dead – the should haves, should nots, could haves, what ifs…. Ahh… all violent, violent words…

Having said that, I am not implying that we do not grieve or cry; for there are some many who choose to put aside their own time to grieve because they have to ‘there’ for someone or others to support them. It is important to grieve, if there is grief; to cry, if there are tears; rather than burying these pent up feelings. At the end of the day, it is still back to staying present to one’s own state of mind. To be ‘there’ for another is indeed a noble gesture, but if we are unable to be available to ourselves, who are we kidding to be available for others?

In death, we grieve. We feel that we are crying because the person whom we love has left us. Never mind the guilt which maps out more and more illusionary stories and dramas; but death, is symbolic of something which we had all forgotten. It is the mere separation that we feel most painful about. It is an ugly feeling; ugly because we prefer the opposite of it; but yet, when we truly know that it is the essence of the person, and not the form as in body, that we have recognized and loved, and that very quality is in us; this person lives in our hearts, and has never gone anywhere. You see, everything is symbolic in a conscious state. Where is then the separation?

Most times, we are attached to the form but yet we know that it is the not really the form that we are attracted to, or have deep connection with. It is beyond the form, and we must know that if it is beyond the form – its essence, which cannot be seen or touched – is always felt and savored in quietness and stillness.

If we knew that in death, is simply the death of the vessel, of a shell; that a loved one is once again free, liberated and returning to Source, would we still grief with pain, or celebrate with joy?

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You Are the One You Are Waiting For – Turn to Yourself

Aug 27th, 2010 by

Another splendid article from DailyOm.com ~

The outer world serves as a mirror and our inner world has a magnetic force that draws to us what we need to evolve.

We spend a lot of our lives looking for role models, mentors, teachers, and gurus to guide us on our path. There is nothing wrong with this and, in fact, finding the right person at the right time can really help. However, it is important to realize that in the absence of such a figure, we can very safely rely upon ourselves. We carry within us everything we need to know to make progress on our paths to self-realization. The outer world serves as a mirror. Or to use another metaphor, our inner world has a magnetic force that draws to us what we need to evolve to the next level. All we need to do to see that we already have everything we need is to let go of our belief that we need to seek in order to find.

The path of the spirit is often defined as a journey with a goal such as the fabled pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. In this metaphor, a person begins a search for something they want but do not have and then they find it, and there is a happy ending. However, most of us know that getting what we want only makes us happy for a moment, and then the happiness passes until a new object of desire presents itself. Joy is a permanent aspect of our inner selves and is not separate from us at any point. We do not have to travel to find it or imagine that it resides only in the body of another. In fact, what the best teachers will do is point out that this very precious elixir is something we already possess.

So when we find ourselves on our path, not knowing which way to turn and wishing for guidance, we can turn to ourselves. We may not know the right answer rationally or intellectually, but if we simply ask, let go, and wait patiently, an answer will come. The more we practice this and trust this process, the less we will look outside ourselves for teachers and guides for we will have successfully become our own.

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Making Sense of it All

Aug 26th, 2010 by

Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: You don’t give up.

– Anne Lamott

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Where it Begins, is Where it Ends

Aug 25th, 2010 by

I received a text message from a friend I have not connected with for years who shared that she was abused. Since I do not know her well (although we were from the same class during our younger days), it was as good as sharing with a stranger; and I guess the space between us would have provided her a safety net to pour out her feelings.

It involved somewhat of a physical abuse. When I asked her how she was feeling, she began describing to me her physical discomfort of being beaten, rather than the emotional trauma that she was going through. Though the difference in intensity of her story, I could somehow relate to her emotionally.

What is the difference between a physical abuse and an emotional abuse? In truth, none; except that in physical manifestation, we feel the discomfort of being treated harshly realistically. In my own perception, I see it as a point where a physical manifestation is called upon – it is truly time to wake up to the inner issues that one has not looked at. In an emotional abuse, it is easy to brush it aside in the mind you see. But with physical abuse, a life or rather, a body which we value so much, is at stake and usually calls one for protection when the thought of being beaten to death is concerned.

Not that I condone such acts. Any act of emotional or physical abuse is not pleasant; whether we are the abuser, or the abused. Both do not experience pleasure in this; or perhaps to rightfully put it, the pleasure and ‘release’ is short-term which usually results in shame, guilt, anger, hatred adding on another ten thousand folds from what was being felt at the initial stage before the incident.

She said that it was a ‘family’ problem. I saw it as no problem. No problem because as long as she is willing to address what she is stubbornly not willing to look upon, within; what needs to be address magnifies. I remember one of my earlier teachers telling me this, ‘When you don’t learn your lesson, the Universe will throw you a bigger lesson. When you still don’t learn your lesson, the Universe will throw you an even bigger lesson, until you learn.’ It sounds to me as if there is no way out here. If I want a happy dream, I will have to work with me.

It is mind blowing to someone to tell him or her that the fault lies not in the abuser, or even the person who had tricked the abuser into abusing him or her. And the fault doesn’t also lay in the abused. Now that takes blame and judgment out of the equation. Although it is very much against the norm of the society as we have been taught well that there is surely a source to where the trigger is provoked or unleashed; the source is not out there, and it has never ever been. The source is within each of us. Where it begins, is where it ends – in the mind.

There are qualities needed to permit such an idea, a new idea to run the mind – which opposes much disturbing ideas which are seemingly ‘ruining’ our lives. It is a choice, as always – when you are at a crossroad; to choose between Truth and fabrications. But then again, how could fabrications ever replace Truth? It cannot, and yet, most of us choose to continuously dive blindly into the illusion of lies even when deep down inside, we know that anything and everything is more than what meets the eyes.

Who would you be with your story? Byron Katie asks the simply questions. Not that there is nothing or no one to address outside; but the person or thing that we need to address most at the very start to the very end, is what is within me. It starts with the willingness to take responsibility, and then integrity, and then, lots and lots of forgiveness; and here I mean – not to pardon others or ourselves, but simply the forgiveness of perceptions.

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Miracle

Aug 24th, 2010 by

The Miraculous

If something is continuous, it is not miraculous. Miraculous events are not continuous with what happened before them. They represent a shift of energy, a movement out of past perception, past limitation. They are unpredictable, unexpected and in many cases inscrutable. You call them miracles because God’s hand is in them. But without your permission, they could not take place.

– Paul Ferrini

Miracle, is a shift of perception – A Course of Miracles

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Of Zombies, Barbies & Kens

Aug 19th, 2010 by

The other day I was inspired to write an entry on Zombies. But today, having sung the song ‘Zombie’ and ‘The Barbie Girl’ at karaoke, I felt that they were of no difference, except that Barbies and Kens were much prettier images to look at, compared to Zombies.

Zombies, Barbies & Kens – what are their similarities? They are all perceived as motionless objects which is either moved by something evil to eat your brains (Zombies) or moved by an outer object (us, or the children) to display an imaginary storyline in the mind – Barbie, the fashionable and trendy icon with pretty face and perfect body shape meets Ken, the handsome man who takes Barbie out on a date where they fall in love at first sight.

That is right – just motionless objects. The Zombies seem to be moving on their own, as if programmed, and Barbies and Kens are, as mentioned above, moved by outer objects. Imagine that Barbies and Kens can be programmed like a doll, or like the Robo-Dog – then they will be moving around just like us. No diff. I received the insight that we are in fact like Barbies and Kens, except that we have been moved by an invisible ‘object’, and not aware of it.

So let’s take Zombies out of the picture, since they are pretty gruesome sights to look at (solely judgment). Barbies and Kens are made of plastic, and we are of flesh and blood – is there any difference? Except for the difference in material and the appearances (Barbies and Kens generally look quite alike while we are each unique in our features and combinations), there is still no distinction; for we are all like zombies (oops!), executed by programmes. Barbies’ and Kens’ movements are executed by our seen hands, because we can see ourselves controlling them; but imagine that they could talk in their own dimension, but not able to see us – they would probably think that they are moving, they are talking, they are whatever. And we are probably the same, except that we don’t see the strings attached to us or the inner control authority that is directing each of our every movement.

The beautiful and important thing to distinguish here is not how different or similar we are (with the dolls, I mean) but is to recognize that we are constantly being run by programmes – ideas, so to speak. Ideas and beliefs in the mind are exactly the programmes that we are constantly condoning ourselves to without question – yes, like a robot, like a zombie (oops, again!). Our responses and reactions to people and situations are always in consistent with the ideas that we have. For example, if you had an idea that you don’t like people not brushing their teeth or have bad breath, it is natural for you to shun them off or strike their names off your nice and hygienic people list. I could go on… but I guess the number of pages on this entry would be equivalent to, if not more than a dictionary!

To get out of the Barbie, Ken or Zombie (oops!) mode, is to commence self-inquiry. I cannot even begin to elaborate the weight of it. And, it is also very important to ask the Right question that leads us back to the source, rather than asking aimlessly and unwisely like a headless chicken. Often, the mind is tricky in deceiving us that we have arrived at the source, but very soon we will know for sure if it is true understanding that we have arrived at, or merely an imitation version of comprehension when the next time a similar situation arises. If we are still triggered, then it is vital to further inquire wisely; however, it is likely that another layer of the onion has been peeled.

It is never too late to embark on such journey, or to move out of such modes if we are become ‘alive’ again. The best part of being in the mode for too long is that when it is time to resurrect, availability of materials, teachers and guides are already flooding although it is essential to move with one teaching, or one teacher at one time to which we resonate most with our common sense. There is no right or wrong here except in the idea of comparison – which is better, mine or yours? See how we are being ‘controlled’ again?

And there is no perfect timing that another could put one on too. It is entirely on one’s own timing, as long as you are aware that you are dead, and wish to become alive again.

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